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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let small children stroke my dog

65 replies

Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:18

Hi all, just been dumbfounded whilst walking my dog a mum who was walking her children home from nursery allowed her kids to run over to me and my dog kids aged maybe (3&4) and try and stroke my dog.

I have a westie terrier and she is not trained and very aggressive towards other dogs and people she doesn’t know.

The little girl said ‘can I stroke your dog’ I said ‘not today lovely she’s a naughty girl’ and proceeded to tell her mum that I was unsure of how she would react and that she has a tendency to bite to which the woman proceeded to be absolutely fuming with me and call me a bitch... AIBU?
Who’s fault is it if my dog bites a little girl? Ps I’m 8 months pregnant and taking it super personally!!

OP posts:
MIdgebabe · 13/11/2019 16:19

Perhaps she thought you called her child a naughty girl not the dog?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/11/2019 16:20

Keep children away from your dog and don't worry what anyone says about it. Your real problem is that you will soon have a baby in the home with an untrained, aggressive dog. That is an absolute recipe for disaster.

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:21

@aqua I was walking my mums dog - she doesn’t live with me

OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 13/11/2019 16:22

You were right. She was wrong. Any bitch present (apart obviously from your dog!) was her, not you.

Don't let her calling you completely unwarranted names upset you. This is not your fault, and you did nothing wrong.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 13/11/2019 16:22

Well I’m sure the mum would have called you far worse if the dog had bitten the child! What a dingbat.

I taught ds that he could only clap dogs that he had been personally introduced to.

StrictlyNameChangin · 13/11/2019 16:23

Every adult should instill in their children that you always always ASK the person in charge of an animal if it's okay to stroke it. Of course the other mum was being incredibly unreasonable.

(Aquamarine has a good point though, how will you manage a child plus untrained and bitey dog?)

SidekickSally · 13/11/2019 16:24

You did the right thing, try not to worry about it. I have to say the same about my dog, in fact I prefer the way you say it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/11/2019 16:25

Ooh! That annoys me too. I have a young Bull Terrier, not really a dog that looks anything other than toothy! And I have to fend off over excited toddlers quite often, more often than I care to think!

Parents always look offended and mutter - usually something about my having an untrained, aggressive dog and that being an absolute recipe for disaster. If I can get a word in edgeways I point out that he is on a lead, being trained and did not approach them...

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:26

@StrictlyNameChangin she’s my mothers dog and I was walking her I have no animals at my home. There will be separation if ever my mum has the child x

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 13/11/2019 16:26

@StrictlyNameChangin..... AND they should be taught that the answer may well be NO and they need to respect that.

More and more I am finding children have this expectation that IF they have asked it will be permitted and they are not remotely expecting to be told they cannot touch.

Doggyfeet · 13/11/2019 16:26

So weird that she’s taught her DD to ask but is not teaching her to accept ‘no’ graciously.
Ignore you did the right thing to protect the child.

Saucery · 13/11/2019 16:26

I don’t call my dog naughty, I say very firmly “No. she doesn’t like small children” and put her behind me.
But you did nothing wrong , the woman was silly to allow her children to run up to your dog.

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:27

@CuriousaboutSamphire this westie dog is a rescue aged 13 set in her ways so I’d rather never take a chance of her biting a child! Thanks for your reply :)

OP posts:
StrictlyNameChangin · 13/11/2019 16:28

Sorry just seen it's your mum's dog.

Unfortunately in general it's your liability if your dog bites a person, even if they were told not to stroke them, though I'd like to think that could be fought successfully I don't know. It's what 3rd party liability insurance is for. But obviously nobody wants your dog to bite somebody, both to avoid a bite injury and to avoid calls to have the dog PTS.

Butchyrestingface · 13/11/2019 16:29

Is the dog muzzled? Don’t think I’d be comfortable walking an unmuzzled dog with demonstrated aggression towards strangers when there’s a possibility small children with laissez faire parents might extend a patting hand before I could stop them.

StrictlyNameChangin · 13/11/2019 16:30

@WiddlinDiddlin well that's sodding entitled parenting then isn't it? Halloween Angry (it's a thing I'm passionate about).

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/11/2019 16:31

My Jack Russell doesn't like small children because she has had a few experiences when they have tried to grab her because she is small and cute. I always keep her away from children (she would never approach a child) although there is a certain height above which she is fine with them. She is also very comfortable with my grandchildren as she knows and trusts them. You were not at all unreasonable.

Jollitwiglet · 13/11/2019 16:32

My dog is really friendly and loves attention from everyone including small children. But I have started saying no if children want to stroke her. Last time I said yes to a child stroking her, 4 young children immediately surrounded her, grabbed her head and neck and started giving her kisses. She dealt with it very well but was absolutely terrified. I won't allow her to be put in that situation again.

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:33

@captain my dog is small and cute just unpredictable she has never bitten anyone before she just gets nervous and entitled more so - but I just wanted to assure the mum that I wasn’t being rude just that I didn’t want an incident on my hands. I’m still in shock I think!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:34

@Jollitwiglet exactly I agree with you, children do tend to grab the dog and it’s not always guaranteed how they will react so that’s why you have to say no

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Purpleartichoke · 13/11/2019 16:34

Dd has been obsessed with dogs since she was a toddler. We taught her that if she wants to approach a dog she has to calmly approach the owner and ask permission to see their dog. We reminded her every time that the owner might say no because not all dogs like attention from others (or the owner might just not be in the mood). She definitely gets rejections, but without fail they have been polite rejections and she thanks them for their time and says something nice about their dog as we walk away. If she does get permission she has to follow the owners instructions on how the dog best likes to be introduced to a new person. She is 10 now and can handle this interaction herself. She has even gotten pretty good at judging which people really just want to stay on their walk and which people are up for a quick stop.

hungryhippie · 13/11/2019 16:36

My 5 and 3 year old love dogs and do attempt to stroke them. They put their hands out so quickly.
I've taken to crossing the road if I see a dog coming or standing still and insisting, "we don't touch dogs without asking their owner". I have to be really on the ball with it though as they have no fear at all.

If a dog snapped at them because I didn't stop them in time, I wouldn't blame the owner. I really really have to be proactive with stopping them though. They have hands like lightning!
You did nothing wrong OP.

LiveatCityHall · 13/11/2019 16:38

YANBU at all! My son absolutely loves dogs and our friends have incredibly friendly ones, however, I have taught him NOT to stroke strangers dogs as not all of them are used to children or are friendly. He knows to ask first and if the individual says no, then he says OK and walks away. I would never be so rude as to accuse the dog owner of being a bitch or to assume that my child should get to stroke the dog just because he asked!

WingingItSince1973 · 13/11/2019 16:39

Oh man what a nasty lady! I have quite friendly dogs but I dont like them being harassed by children when we are out as some kids can be a bit rough and I wouldn't want to put my dogs through that. On holiday we were at an outside cafe and these parents just kept letting their little girl come over and try and fuss the dogs even with me saying please dont to her dad as it was hot and the dogs were under the table getting shade and I didnt want them to be grumpy with the little girl. The dad totally ignored me!! As I said my dogs are great with everyone but some kids can be just too much. Try not to let it get to you. She would soon be ranting if the dog tried to bite xxx

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:40

@hungryhippie exactly and you do the right thing in that - I’d just never forgive myself if she bit someone’s child and I couldn’t ever guarantee she wouldn’t as she’s unpredictable I just was shocked by the mums reaction she just looked at me in disgust and proceeded to call me a bitch! After which time child no 2 asked me if he could stroke her and I said no sorry and told her again that she could be bitey! I’m just shocked I think

OP posts: