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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let small children stroke my dog

65 replies

Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:18

Hi all, just been dumbfounded whilst walking my dog a mum who was walking her children home from nursery allowed her kids to run over to me and my dog kids aged maybe (3&4) and try and stroke my dog.

I have a westie terrier and she is not trained and very aggressive towards other dogs and people she doesn’t know.

The little girl said ‘can I stroke your dog’ I said ‘not today lovely she’s a naughty girl’ and proceeded to tell her mum that I was unsure of how she would react and that she has a tendency to bite to which the woman proceeded to be absolutely fuming with me and call me a bitch... AIBU?
Who’s fault is it if my dog bites a little girl? Ps I’m 8 months pregnant and taking it super personally!!

OP posts:
Gottobefree · 13/11/2019 16:43

YANBU ! Most parents do teach their children to ask or the children ask.

I have a big lurcher who look intimidating but is as soft as candy... but she looks scary so once a group of children screamed in her face! scared the crap out of her and she ran away from them.
She won't bite (never has) but she avoids children and gets a bit nervous on the lead. So when they ask, I just politely decline and say 'she's too busy looking for squirrels' (they laugh at the answer) and I quickly walk on.

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:43

@WingingItSince1973 thank you! You’re right as well.. I think even if the dog IS friendly all dogs can still have off days and take offence to things quite quickly so it does make me nervous! My auntie had an incident with her dog a couple of years ago snapping at a child and unfortunately he ended up being put to sleep - sad for everyone involved! I’m not gonna apologise for rescuing a dog at an older age who isn’t trained though it should be perfectly acceptable to say no and that be the end of it x

OP posts:
meyouandlulutoo · 13/11/2019 16:44

Forget the silly woman, you did the right thing. We were out with our 2 dogs one day and a family with their son of about 8 asked if they were friendly and if they could say hello. Both our dogs are the same breed, and the boy is quite a lot bigger than our girl. We said they could say hello and pet our boy (he attracts the most attention anyway) who is a big softy but that our girl is anxious with people she doesn't know - she doesn't bite but she flinches away especially if someone tries to touch the top of her head. So they all said hello to our boy and he was loving it as usual, I stood back with our other dog and the son of the family then had a major melt down because he wanted to touch her and was asked not to. I felt very sorry for the parents and we quickly moved away.

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:48

@meyouandlulutoo wow I didn’t even think of dogs being nervous that’s another reason why it should be ok to say no if the attention is unwanted - bless your fur babies. I’m just looking after pooch whilst mum is away and I know for a fact it’s always been gospel that she keeps this one away from little’uns as she can be snappy and territorial and especially if you get in her face she will go for anyone and children age 3 fussing her would make her just lose it I think. Makes me not wanna take her out again though! People can be rude x

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/11/2019 16:48

4 young children immediately surrounded her, grabbed her head and neck and started giving her kisses. She dealt with it very well but was absolutely terrified. I won't allow her to be put in that situation again. Oh I know that feeling!

Toddler took one look at my 'Bunny Dog' and buried her hands and face in his ruff, screaming and laughing her head off! He was about 6 months old at the time and he just sat down and looked at me... with that look! I rescued him pdq, but the thought of it still sends a cold shiver down my spine!

ParadiseLaundry · 13/11/2019 16:51

YANBU at all, she was ridiculous.

Although on the other side whenever I am approaching a dog with DS who nearly 4 I always say 'oh, look at the lovely dog! Remember not to run up to her because we don't want to give her a fright' (not that I think he would tbh, I just want to let owner know that he won't do it) the owners always seem really offended and say 'oh she's fine, she doesn't bite Hmm'

Picklypickles · 13/11/2019 16:52

YANBU however, if the dog is known for being nasty and aggressive it should really be muzzled when out in public, unfortunately you just can't trust the common sense of strangers.

Cryalot2 · 13/11/2019 16:53

You did the right thing. Sadly while asking they assumed that you would let them and were not prepared to be told "No"
You can get jackets which say that the dog is nervous/ not a sociable dog . This might help. I have seen a few various ones.
Quite often we get asked the same , dh usually tells them to stroke her back.
But we have heard mum say their kids would love a dog to play with.
I hate that, as they are not toys.

Bellatrix14 · 13/11/2019 16:53

You were completely in the right, the woman was horrid. Although it might seem a bit unfair to the dog to describe her as naughty, I think that was OK too. She won’t understand being referred to as naughty but a small child (especially one who has been polite and mindful enough to ask to stroke her!) might be a bit upset at being told that she doesn’t like children/doesn’t like small children. It’s not the dogs fault she doesn’t like children but it’s not the child’s fault either! You could always say she’s scared of strangers/nervous instead though?

It is tricky. My mum’s dog isn’t hugely keen on children (or just people, for that matter) and even has a lead that says something along the lines of ‘Please don’t stroke me, I like my space’ written down it, and people still try and stroke her without asking Hmm

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:56

@ParadiseLaundry good grief really? You can’t win!!

@picklypickles she’s never bitten anyone before she’s just territorial and there’s always that chance she could bite if grabbed/fussed in the wrong way especially by someone unfamiliar.
She’s aged 13 and I don’t see the need for a muzzle at her age - I was asking advice whether I’m being unreasonable to refuse a child stroking her...

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 16:59

@Bellatrix14 you’re right I could of worded it better i just think it’s difficult to explain to a child and I think naughty was just the first thing that popped up in my head!

OP posts:
Bellatrix14 · 13/11/2019 17:01

Oh no, it wasn’t a criticism! Like I said, I think if I was 3 or 4 and I’d asked to stroke a dog and the owner said “Oh no, she doesn’t like children” I might have been a bit sad so I think it’s better to ‘blame’ the dog as she can’t understand you!

Picklypickles · 13/11/2019 17:05

Well of course you aren't being unreasonable to ask anyone not to touch her, but there are plenty of stupid/entitled people around (or even just small children who haven't been taught better) that wont wait to ask you and that's when accidents can happen. I used to have a horse, you wouldn not believe the amount of idiot parents who would let/encourage their small children to come running up to the horse while I was out riding across the moors, clearly no thought at all given to the damage half a tonne of horse could inflict on a small child if spooked! People are morons and if the dog does end up biting a child one day it will be the dog/your mum who pays the price. Personally I wouldn't want to take that risk.

ShinyGiratina · 13/11/2019 17:07

My DCs are cautious around dogs as we've had too many of the inverse situation where "friendly" dogs who "love children" have been allowed to bound up which has intimidated my DCs, particularly when they were smaller. DS2 is generally getting over it now and getting to the stage of an interest if dogs are calm. I encourage him to ask if he wants to stroke, and there have been times he's been declined, one owner had one dog that was fine and another where it was better not to.

The whole point of asking is that different dogs have different boundaries. It doesn't mean that they're poorly trained or are dangerous. They might just be nervous or having a bad day.

Children aren't entitled to pet any dog they feel like and parents certainly shouldn't abuse an owner for declining.

Loveislandaddict · 13/11/2019 17:10

At least the child asked before stroking it.

Had you just said ‘naughty child’, I could ipunderstand if the mother interspersed it as being the girl, not the dog.

The fact that you explained the circumstances makes her reaction abit ott.

Mrsjayy · 13/11/2019 17:10

You did nothing wrong at all the woman was dumbfounded you said no to her child some parents teach if you ask nicely you will get to...

My dog hates little children I would never trust him to be petted so it is always a no,

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 17:12

@Picklypickles bet that was a nightmare with the horse! It’s difficult to say no or explain yourself without sounding rude obviously but I didn’t even get eye contact from the mother she was that annoyed with me...

@shiny it works both ways too I think dogs should be kept away from children too as they too may be scared so dog owners too have the responsibility to keep fur babes away from the kiddos xx

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 13/11/2019 17:22

Sorry OP for what happened, but sadly you will meet ppl like this and you just have to walk away and not let it bother you ( i know more difficult than it sounds). You did the right thing and protected yourself the dog your mother and the kids.
If this lady wants to put DC at risk that's her look out but atleast you can rest assured it wont be down to you

NC2020 · 13/11/2019 17:24

YANBU people are bizarre around dogs, especially little ones. You seriously cannot win.
I have a chihuahua and no joke 2 complete strangers have come up behind him and picked him up. Luckily he is a happy friendly guy but he didn't like it and it's made him more wary of people and despite him loving other dogs, people and having perfect recall I am way less inclined to let him off lead now.

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 17:24

@cheeseandwin5 thank you xxx I think that’s what will make me sleep at night too

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Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 17:26

@nc2020 exactly! Bless him.. you never know what a stroke entails either! It’s totally mad to think it’s ok to pick someone’s dog up mine would definitely of snapped. It’s scary you have to mindful of aggressive dogs/people small children it’s frightening mums never let westie off the lead before because she is too unpredictable anyway but all the more reason for it these days x

OP posts:
legalseagull · 13/11/2019 17:32

Of course no child should be allowed to stroke random dogs, but if you really think there's a risk of biting why on earth hasn't the dog got a muzzle on?

Original poster
Jellybeans101 · 13/11/2019 17:40

@legalseagull because there is a risk of all dogs biting someone! She’s never done it before - she can be territorial but I asked for children not to stroke her as a precaution. She is a 13 year old rescue dog. Once again I asked whether I was being unreasonable saying no.. she certainly doesn’t try and attack any passers by but I’d fussed the wrong way she can snap????

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ChocOrCheese · 13/11/2019 17:41

I always used to tell people my dogs bit (they didn't) if they were pushy about asking for a stroke or if the children were young and excitable.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/11/2019 17:42

My dog has never bitten anyone but gives a warning growl and shows by her body language that she is uncomfortable. I'm very careful to keep small children away from her and if an older child wants to stroke her I'll hold her head and keep a close eye on her. She doesn't need a muzzle for these rare occasions.