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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wasn't right

86 replies

peachesandclean · 13/11/2019 11:33

I just got back from a weekend break with my family (8 of us in all) and we stayed in a large house with a hot tub in the garden.

My sister and I (both early 20s) were in the hot tub sunday afternoon and the owner came in through the garden and told us he was coming to do the chemical check for the hot tub, we were in our cozzies so naturally felt a little uncomfortable that this man we had never seen before had just arrived and came and did that. We asked him if he needed us to get out and he said no so we just sat in the hot tub not knowing what to say whilst he did it. The rest of our family was out sightseeing whilst all this was happening. He was quite unfriendly and blunt with us and the whole encounter was a bit awkward.

We told our family when they got back and they were annoyed on our behalf saying that he should have come back later once he'd seen we were in it, or asked if it was okay for him to do the test. All in all it felt rather invasive.

I get that it's his house and he can do whatever he likes but to me when you're paying someone to stay in their house, surely there should still be some sort of boundaries? Luckily it didn't ruin the weekend but it has left me wondering about what is morally acceptable in situations like these

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 13/11/2019 13:21

We stayed in a place which had a hot tub and the owner came and told us off (for various things) every time we were in it.

I left him a bad review.

Spitsandspots · 13/11/2019 13:23

Responsible owner of holiday let branded a perv. Shock

YABU. If he had insisted you got out so he could have a lingering look at your in your costumes then you might have a point but you were in the water, WTH could he actually see?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/11/2019 13:26

What on earth are you on about? Have you never been to a beach before? Where, shock horror, people walk around in swimwear and everyone else just goes about their business!! Its ludicrous to suggest every man should have to hide when a woman is in swimwear. Obviously he shouldnt act innapropriately, but please lets not discredit the vast proportion of men who just want to get on with their jobs.

As for saying he should have done the pool test before they arrived, you do have to test it at regular intervals and no you dont just 'stick a piece of paper in'.

In the nicest possible way id just lighten up a little and not be so precious. As long as he isnt walking into bedrooms / bathrooms or other locked rooms!

messolini9 · 13/11/2019 13:26

to me when you're paying someone to stay in their house, surely there should still be some sort of boundaries?

You are of course right, but people often overstep boundaries, & when that happens, it is up to the person feeling stepped on to make their own boundaries clear.
If you were uncomfortable, why did you not speak up?
If you felt unable to speak up, why did you not at least get out of the tub & away from Mr Intrusive until he had finished?

Luckily it didn't ruin the weekend
How could this tiny non-event have ruined your weekend?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/11/2019 13:28

First bit of my comment was @littlehappyhippo btw Smile

Comps83 · 13/11/2019 13:30

What are the reviews like for the place?

june2007 · 13/11/2019 13:32

Did you say do you mind coming back a bit latter? If not why not if you found it so offensive. YABU.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 13/11/2019 13:40

Bet you wouldn't have minded if he looked like Chris Hemsworth, grumpy or not!

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 13:44

When we stayed somewhere with a hot tub they said "we do the chemical check at 10am every day so make sure you're not using it at that time please".
They have a duty of care and presumably he wasn't perving on you because he was just doing his job.

AudTheDeepMinded · 13/11/2019 13:53

@Tinkobell 'testing the water'? or (wink wink) 'testing the water'!!

WhoCaresWins01 · 13/11/2019 13:54

Massive over reaction!
I've stayed in lodges where someone has come to test the water while we have bee in it. He probably thought you were all out.

Eckhart · 13/11/2019 13:57

@Bluntness100 How would he know they were sisters? Could have been a gay couple.

OP, I think he was probably just a bit tactless and not sure how to deal with needing to do the job and the tub being used. It being 'not right' is one of the options, but one of many.

Original poster
peachesandclean · 13/11/2019 13:58

"dont start accusing him of being a creep?!"

Can I just say at no point in my message did I say anything about finding it creepy or saying in any sense he was a perv, which a lot of people seem to have jumped on, we didn't think he was a pervert or that we were being leered at, at all. We're not little girls who were at risk of being attacked or anything

My post was more focusing on questioning the etiquette of something like this

OP posts:
MrGsFancyNewVagina · 13/11/2019 14:00

Bet you wouldn't have minded if he looked like Chris Hemsworth, grumpy or not!

Oh fuck off with that sexist crap! It’s a step away from saying good looking men can’t be perverts.

Any woman of any age is entitled to feel uncomfortable in any given situation. No one here has the right to dismiss another woman’s feelings, as I’ve seen on here. I wouldn’t slate him online, but would point out that you would recommend that he doesn’t just call in to do checks like that, as it can make people very uncomfortable.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 14:01

@Eckhart because the OP says "my sister and I" Hmm

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 14:02

@peachesandclean The etiquette is to get out the way so the man can do his job and leave you to your holiday

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 13/11/2019 14:04

Have you checked it wasn't mentioned in your terms and conditions?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/11/2019 14:06

Ew. Perv alert!

Yep, water testing should be done before you arrived.

I would complain to whoever you booked it through to be honest.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 13/11/2019 14:07

Oh fuck off with that sexist crap! It’s a step away from saying good looking men can’t be perverts.

Utter bullshit. Don't pretend that women are immune to good looks by virtue of having a vagina. And don't pretend people don't welcome advances from people they find attractive.

In this instance there was nothing to suggest anything other than the man turned up to do a compulsory check that he probably didn't want to do anyway - hence the grumpiness.

Eckhart · 13/11/2019 14:07

@AmIThough Yes, OP told us they were sisters, but I just wasn't sure if the guy testing the tub knew they were sisters.

Straycatstrut · 13/11/2019 14:08

Maybe he works/is very busy and he had a spare few minutes to go and get it done? Sounds very responsible. He was also probably embarrassed and nervous and just wanted to do it and then leave. He could have some stressful/personal stuff going on. I'd completely let it go.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 13/11/2019 14:15

Utter bullshit. Don't pretend that women are immune to good looks by virtue of having a vagina. And don't pretend people don't welcome advances from people they find attractive.

And don’t you assume that a woman will welcome advances from a good looking creep. And ‘by virtue of having a vagina’! WTAF!

Solihooley · 13/11/2019 14:22

I wouldn’t see this as an issue. Ive often had owners of holiday rentals pop in and out for various things. At the private club/pool I go to they check the levels about twice per day so I’m assuming at least once per day is best practice. He probably had no idea you thought it was weird and felt uncomfortable because it’s a normal thing to do. Or are you suggesting he waited somewhere in the bushes until he saw you both in your bikinis and timed his checks so he could perv on you? I’m just not sure what the issue is?

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 13/11/2019 14:23

We have stayed in a setting of holiday cottages with hot tubs and they test the hot tubs twice daily. Most of the time no one is in it but if you are they ask nicely if you mind and it takes 2 mins and they are gone. Nothing odd about it at all. With the ones we go to there are at least 30 hot tubs so if they had to come back another time for each one then it would get chaotic

OxfordCat · 13/11/2019 14:25

Such a load of bollocks on this thread! Ignore pp trying to minimise your feelings OP. If in your gut it felt wrong / somewhat rude, or even slightly pervy, you are entitled to feel that way!

To those snotty pp saying "it's just like being on the beach" - no it isn't! The OP and her ds were not in a public place, they were in the back garden, quite reasonably expecting privacy.

To those saying "he's doing his job and probably thought you'd be out" - yes but once he entered the garden and saw that they were in the tub he would then have realised they were NOT out! And at that point a reasonable and polite person would have offered to come back later. Even better, as has been suggested, he could have a set time each day so guests are warned in advance.

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