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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the withdrawal method?

77 replies

Steenac7 · 12/11/2019 16:13

Context : we are having fertility treatment for male issues (low sperm count). During treatment we have to have protected sex in case we get pregnant and the meds cause issues with the baby (even though our chances of getting pregnant are crap!). I hate condoms - tried loads of types and they all hurt and I end up getting tears- can’t go on the pill or any other kind of female contraception as that will interfere with the fertility treatment.

WIBU to suggest withdrawal method to DH? Does it work - has anyone used it as contraception? We tend to just abstain whenever we’re getting treatment but it makes an already crap situation even worse!

Is withdrawal reliable enough?

OP posts:
demelza82 · 12/11/2019 16:15

I get it but is it worth the risk, really?

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 12/11/2019 16:15

I only know one friend who used this method. She had a third child that was not planned.

It does sound shit OP but you don't want to risk your health or a possible childs.

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 12/11/2019 16:15

Well it’s not actually a form of contraception.

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 12/11/2019 16:16

But that’s how I got my twins, sooo. Yeah it’s not always successful.

scaevola · 12/11/2019 16:16

No, withdrawal is most definitely not a method for those for whom pregnancy wouid be disastrous, and as you have been medically advised to avoid conception during treatment I wouid put you in that category.

Some people woukdn't even categorise it as a method, because the failure rate is so high.

Gustavo1 · 12/11/2019 16:17

Withdrawal is not actually contraception. It just lessens the likelihood of pregnancy. If you actively need to avoid pregnancy, you must either abstain or speak to a health professional about other methods available to you.
If getting pregnant could cause issues or complications, why would you risk it?

Besidesthepoint · 12/11/2019 16:19

My brother used it as contraception. It produced their third child. We were taught at school that it was a really unreliable method, can't think what got into him to use it as a method for contraception. My SIL went along with it because she actually wanted a third child.

So if you want to get pregnant naturally, go for it; if you have a good reason not to get pregnant then use 2 forms of reliable contraception.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 12/11/2019 16:19

Well it’s not contraception. So no?!!!
Why on earth would you risk it?

Reallynowdear · 12/11/2019 16:19

No, and you know this.

AmIThough · 12/11/2019 16:19

in case we get pregnant and the meds cause issues with the baby

Are you willing to risk this? It'd be incredibly selfish and irresponsible of you to conceive with this risk because you sure as shit wouldn't want to abort.

Yes you're incredibly unreasonable.

MatildaTheCat · 12/11/2019 16:19

YABU because the alternative- even if unlikely- would be devastating.

You are adults. I’m sure you can think of some solutions for this short term issue.

spanglydangly · 12/11/2019 16:19

YABU

PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 16:19

28 women out of every 100 will get pregnant using the withdrawal method.

It’s not reliable enough for people who absolutely need to not get pregnant. How long is the treatment? A copper coil could work?

TiggeryBear · 12/11/2019 16:20

Im sure you will get plenty of people for whom it has not worked out. But it has worked for me & DP for 10 years. 🤷‍♀️ Our 2 DC were planned & conceived 1st month of trying.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 12/11/2019 16:20

By the way, how do you mean condoms hurt?! Have you used condom friendly lube with them?!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/11/2019 16:21

Of course it isn't reliable.

Themutts · 12/11/2019 16:21

I also have a 3rd child due to this method! Had child 2 through fertility treatment so thought we were safe. We weren't. Dc3 is great though. Best mistake we ever made!

Crunchymum · 12/11/2019 16:22

What meds? How are they unsafe now but going to increase your partners sperm count?

  • sorry to digress
Stressedout10 · 12/11/2019 16:22

Yes my grandparents did religiously (pun intended) and had 13 kids .

Men release sperm in pre-ejaculate (sp) so pulling out before he comes won't stop you from getting pregnant

FartnissEverbeans · 12/11/2019 16:24

This is how I conceived my son!

Original poster
Steenac7 · 12/11/2019 16:25

I suppose as we have tried properly having sex every second day for 2 years and never got pregnant and been told our chances of getting pregnant naturally are pretty much zero I thought using withdrawal could work for us as it’s reducing chances of a pregnancy past how already reduced they are.

I definitely don’t want to get pregnant while on the meds but it also seems unfair to have a crap sex life when two years of trying and our test results (virtually no sperm) mean it is so unlikely that we would get pregnant anyway.

I was starting to think withdrawal would be the solution!!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 12/11/2019 16:25

Can you say why condoms hurt you? Do you use any lubricant?
You honestly can’t rely on withdrawal if it’s vital you don’t get pregnant.

firsttimebuyer20 · 12/11/2019 16:25

Have to agree with @AmIThough .. You're going through a lot to have a baby that I presume you hope will be healthy. I don't think it's worth the risk personally.

Good luck with your treatment!

Selfsettlingat3 · 12/11/2019 16:26

What will you do when you get pregnant with a child that has a high likelihood of health problems and disabilities?

ruralcat · 12/11/2019 16:29

I wouldn't risk it in your situation, if you do get pregnant you'll have the high of being pregnant then the low and guilt of potentially having harmed the baby.