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AIBU?

To use the withdrawal method?

77 replies

Steenac7 · 12/11/2019 16:13

Context : we are having fertility treatment for male issues (low sperm count). During treatment we have to have protected sex in case we get pregnant and the meds cause issues with the baby (even though our chances of getting pregnant are crap!). I hate condoms - tried loads of types and they all hurt and I end up getting tears- can’t go on the pill or any other kind of female contraception as that will interfere with the fertility treatment.

WIBU to suggest withdrawal method to DH? Does it work - has anyone used it as contraception? We tend to just abstain whenever we’re getting treatment but it makes an already crap situation even worse!

Is withdrawal reliable enough?

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PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 16:29

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. The only way to not get pregnant is not to have sex. Is it really worth the worry every month?

What sort of treatment is it?

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ActualHornist · 12/11/2019 16:49

You’d rather risk birth deformities?

Don’t be so silly.

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Beveren · 12/11/2019 16:55

Do you have to take medication as part of the treatment? Otherwise it's difficult to see why you being on the pill could affect treatment for your husband.

Alternatively, can you use the coil or the cap?

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ShagMeRiggins · 12/11/2019 16:55

Oral sex
Hand jobs
Vibrators
Etc...

Don’t take the risk for birth defects. Find creative ways to enjoy your sex life.

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Steenac7 · 12/11/2019 17:02

The medication is all for me - it’s to do a biopsy of womb now then it will be for IVF afterwards. We have a male issue (v little sperm) which is why we can’t get pregnant naturally but I take all the meds. I have a weak cervix so if we do get pregnant no sex during pregnancy either - so basically looking at no sex for the foreseeable which is crap.

I thought withdrawal method would be a way around it as they say to use protection during fertility treatments and some people do use it as protection.

I suppose it would be Sod’s law that being unable to get pregnant for years we would be proven wrong and get pregnant during treatment and using withdrawal.

It’s just crap.

OP posts:

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AJPTaylor · 12/11/2019 17:06

Yeah, sods law could bite you

What about the cap?

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Besidesthepoint · 12/11/2019 17:07

*I suppose as we have tried properly having sex every second day for 2 years and never got pregnant and been told our chances of getting pregnant naturally are pretty much zero I thought using withdrawal could work for us as it’s reducing chances of a pregnancy past how already reduced they are.
*
My SIL didn't get pregnant after 6 years of trying, including 5 years of different fertility treatments including 3 full rounds of ivf. Then she got pregnant naturally (at the most inopportuun time in her life) with her son. "Pretty much zero" still isn't zero. Do you really want to risk it? Is your sex life really worth an abortion or a baby with deformities? Can you potentially really spend your life looking at your only childs deformations knowing that you caused that, that you took their chance of a healthy life away because you didn't want to use condoms or do oral or whatever? You are potentially making a decision that can affect someones whole life! What kind of mother thinks like that?

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LolaSmiles · 12/11/2019 17:10

It's not a contraception method.

I know a not insignificant number of people who've had positive tests whilst waiting for IVF.

If you've been told the conditions of treatment then you follow them properly or you decide that having unprotected sex is more important and you stop the treatment.

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Besidesthepoint · 12/11/2019 17:10

I have a weak cervix so if we do get pregnant no sex during pregnancy either - so basically looking at no sex for the foreseeable which is crap.

If it's any consolation: not everyone likes sex during pregnancy, it's hard to feel sexy when you feel nauseous and tired and crappy.

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AhNowTed · 12/11/2019 17:11

Worked for us. Two children where he "left it in" 😀 then withdrawal for the next 20 years. He was very careful though.

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Timmytoo · 12/11/2019 17:12

I used withdrawal method for 20 years. Never fell pregnant until my ex and I tried.

First time we tried I fell pregnant but unfortunately miscarried.

We ended up traveling and then breaking up after 1p years.

I then had another long term 6 year relationship and used this method. Never fell pregnant. Met my DP now, on our third month he didn't pull out in time. I never took the MAP as I am 39 and I honestly thought I wasn't that fertile anymore.

Result is me sitting here very happily 8 months pregnant and we are getting married after the birth.

Moral of story is that it worked so well for 20 years solid that when an accident happened I thought I was infertile!! Maybe I was just lucky with this method. I get terrible reactions from the pill and infections from condoms, so this was why I chose to do this.

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Ilovemypantry · 12/11/2019 17:12

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PurrBox · 12/11/2019 17:16

Cervical cap is great. I think it is terrible that barrier methods are actually discouraged these days. If used right, they work.

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Besidesthepoint · 12/11/2019 17:16

Also, having said baby doesn't help with your sex life either, most people I know don't have sex for moths after the birth.

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Steenac7 · 12/11/2019 17:19

@Ilovemypantry sorry but you sound like a horrible nasty person. Infertility grinds you down and puts a massive strain on your life, mental health and relationship.

I just want to feel normal and have normal intercourse again with my husband who I love very much without having to abstain or be in pain or worry about getting pregnant or worry about not getting pregnant. I hope you are happy you’ve made someone already feeling vulnerable cry.

Clearly as I am on here asking for views about whether it works means I am not just recklessly going ahead and doing it.

Thank you to those who responded answering what I asked. I won’t go ahead with it.

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MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 12/11/2019 17:19

I thought withdrawal method would be a way around it as they say to use protection during fertility treatments and some people do use it as protection.

YABU. When an HCP tells you to use protection they are categorically 100% not talking about "withdrawal". They are talking about a method of contraception that is proven to be effective. From an HCP's perspective, if you're relying on withdrawal you're having unprotected sex.

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MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 12/11/2019 17:20

Cross post, sorry OP. Glad you're not going ahead with it and I'm sorry this thread has upset you.

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WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 12/11/2019 17:21

Ilovemypantry don't be a dick. FFS

OP, YABU but you know this from the thread already. I sincerely hope it all works out for you

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ChileConCarne · 12/11/2019 17:21

We’ve used the withdrawal method for around 8 years and I haven’t got pregnant. We don’t want kids, but I’ve often assumed that one of us has fertility issues for us to not have even had a scare after all this time!

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PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 17:22

steenac you might be better getting this moved out of AIBU and into infertility. You’ll get better responses there.

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WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 12/11/2019 17:22

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LolaSmiles · 12/11/2019 17:24

Chile
And some people drink and smoke through pregnancy and have no issues...
And others do no exercise and have a bad diet and live to 80 whilst someone fit and active has a heart attack at 57.

The fact you have chosen to chance unprotected sex for years and haven't conceived doesn't mean withdrawal is a contraceptive method any more than someone not being pregnant after only having sex on every other Wednesday and on Thursdays when the moon is in Jupiter could claim they have used contraception.

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supercalifragilistic123 · 12/11/2019 17:25

Have you tried the skyn original - latex free condoms? I can't use any others but these are ok.

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CymaticPrincess88 · 12/11/2019 17:29

what the fuck kind of fertility treatment doesn't want you to get pregnant as a result?

Oh and you'd be an idiot of the highest order to use the WD method if it will harm the potential baby..?

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PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 17:30

what the fuck kind of fertility treatment doesn't want you to get pregnant as a result?

The key words there are as a result. The treatment is ongoing.

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