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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope for a little compassion

69 replies

sourpuss1 · 12/11/2019 14:55

Long story short I was violently assaulted yesterday at work, resulting in A+E, I work in the special education arena so getting injured is par for the course really, what's really boiling my blood is my mother, I checked in at A+E on Facebook and put a general status as atleast half dozen colleagues who either witnessed the assault or heard about it messaged me to ask if I was ok etc, my mother comments "what now?", I responded saying I was assaulted, has she subsequently even murmered in my direction, has she buggery, she drops everything for my sister, they are best pals and she regularly goes running for the smallest issue in my sister's life, I know to an extent AIBU because this is how its always been, I guess I'm in pain and vulnerable and just hoped for a smidge of love. Rant over and just a hold hold wanted really

OP posts:

onanothertrain · 12/11/2019 18:55

Antigon that's not strictly true. I'd image the OP employer may well have a social media policy for staff. It will depend what was posted and what that policy says.

LimeRedBanana · 12/11/2019 18:59

Agree - a little common sense, as a professional, when it comes to posting this sort of thing doesn't go amiss. It doesn't matter if it's a personal account - it's still worth applying a bit of common sense, when you work with children.

maddiemookins16mum · 12/11/2019 19:01

Nobody needs to ‘check in to a and e’ on FB, nobody.

Antigon · 12/11/2019 19:05

I find it odd that OP is the one who was assaulted and yet she has to worry about upsetting the feelings of a parent!

And she didn't even post about the assault! She just said she was in A+E!

notanotherpothole · 12/11/2019 19:09

@Antigon I teach in a special needs school. Under our social media policy I cannot post about anything related to my job on Facebook. Mentioning that I'd been assaulted at school would be a disciplinary offence. I would have texted my assistant and expected the grape vibe to rapidly share updates.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 12/11/2019 19:12

Not everything is about you and your child.

Wow! There’s an over reaction! Are we only permitted to give our opinion if we don’t mention that we have a child with SN? I am permitted to give an opinion, same as you.

Shall I give you it from the other side then? In the line of work that I used to be in, I dealt with extremely violent patients and assaults were common. Not seem as acceptable, but an unfortunate part of our working experiences. During one particularly violent assault, I had a tooth broke, an ear drum damaged, whiplash and a damaged back. I didn’t feel the need to go onto Facebook to cry about it. I’ve kept it vague as I realise that the patient was unable to control themselves and their situation was much worse than mine. There was no need to go out and seek attention over it.

BustedDreams · 12/11/2019 19:13

for your nasty experience.

for posting on Facebook.

turnthebiglightoff · 12/11/2019 19:17

I'm sorry this happened to you, but I would ignore anyone who "checked in" to hospital on Facebook. It's a very crass way to let the world know you're suffering.

People who do it with their children are the worst.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 12/11/2019 19:20

I find it odd that OP is the one who was assaulted and yet she has to worry about upsetting the feelings of a parent!

It’s about being professional and posting about bad work situations is not professional. People have been sacked from many professions over doing g similar.

I’m genuinely sorry you have been hurt, OP, but you need to be very careful because people have screenshot FB posts before and sent them to management, resulting in disciplinary action. There’s no such thing as a private FB, when you have lots of friends/acquaintances that are seeing it. It’s not the same as confiding in a close friend.

1Morewineplease · 12/11/2019 19:31

I hope that you’re ok OP 💐
However , like others have said, if you had been violently assaulted, why would you check in on FB?
Surely you would inform your nearest a dearest first?
Do you generally put life’s ups and downs on FB before telling those who are immediately close to you?
This is almost a classic case of treating social media as real life instead of actually living in real life.
Sorry OP .
Hope you’re better soon.

SunshineCake · 12/11/2019 19:33

While I also think checking in on Facebook is attention seeking and embarrassing maybe it would be charitable to think it is the easiest way to let everyone know instead of having to send multiple texts.

saraclara · 12/11/2019 19:37

I teach in a special needs school. Under our social media policy I cannot post about anything related to my job on Facebook. Mentioning that I'd been assaulted at school would be a disciplinary offence. I would have texted my assistant and expected the grape vibe to rapidly share updates.

Very much that. We had to sign a very strict social media policy, and hell would have broken loose if I'd posted as you did, OP.

I know how distressing physical attacks can be. I retired a couple of years earlier than planned because I wasn't bouncing back physically from injuries in the way I used to. But I barely mentioned them outside work, even face to face with people, never mind on FB. Peopleoutside the job just didn't get it, and got angry on my behalf. And of course it's just not professionally right to do so.

FavouriteSoul · 12/11/2019 19:46

I used to work with young people in an educational setting, as a nurse. They were aged 16 - 22. We were strictly forbidden from from posting anything even vaguely related to work on social media, let alone an assault involving a learner.

Cooroo · 12/11/2019 19:51

Wow! I've never seen anyone check in to FB from A&E and if I did I would be concerned for them. I didn't know this was a thing.
But maybe you should have rung your mum?

banamarama · 12/11/2019 19:58

Sorry to seem mean but if the level of relationship you have with your mum is that she finds out something like that on social media I'm not massively surprised she hasn't come running.

I wouldn't know what to think if I saw my daughter checking in to A&E without telling me first.

Hope you feel better soon

MintyMabel · 12/11/2019 19:59

I take it your mum is used to this kind of “drama”?

If you want to have a relationship with her, maybe actually call her rather than having her find things like this out by seeing it on social media.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/11/2019 20:01

Wow! I've never seen anyone check in to FB from A&E and if I did I would be concerned for them. I didn't know this was a thing.

I’d assume if they were on their phone they weren’t too ill.

DH has been in a&e several times this year with horrific attacks of an ongoing condition and not once have either us had the time to think about splashing it on social media. I haven’t told close friends or family until the crisis was over. What with him being in pain and me being terrified

rwalker · 13/11/2019 12:05

hope you are ok
Sorry but checking into A+E on Facebook just shout attention seeking/drama . Weather that's the case or not most people interpret it that way

NorthEndGal · 13/11/2019 12:12

When you say you have lots of drama, about dr appointments and such with the kids, do you think maybe you are one of those people who always has a drama or mini crisis happening this week?

Is it possible she thought , as you said you are assaulted routinely at work, that it was another work thing, same as before?

Also, do you try and sort stuff with her, to have a better relationships?

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