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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope for a little compassion

69 replies

sourpuss1 · 12/11/2019 14:55

Long story short I was violently assaulted yesterday at work, resulting in A+E, I work in the special education arena so getting injured is par for the course really, what's really boiling my blood is my mother, I checked in at A+E on Facebook and put a general status as atleast half dozen colleagues who either witnessed the assault or heard about it messaged me to ask if I was ok etc, my mother comments "what now?", I responded saying I was assaulted, has she subsequently even murmered in my direction, has she buggery, she drops everything for my sister, they are best pals and she regularly goes running for the smallest issue in my sister's life, I know to an extent AIBU because this is how its always been, I guess I'm in pain and vulnerable and just hoped for a smidge of love. Rant over and just a hold hold wanted really

OP posts:

Mummyshark2018 · 12/11/2019 17:17

Another one agreeing with pp's. Checking into a hospital on Facebook is lame. Your mum may be feeling that she's not important enough to hear it from the horses mouth. I would never announce something important in social media (not that I do anyway) without having told close family first.

CAG12 · 12/11/2019 17:20

Being assaulted is just awful.

Your mothers responce of 'what now' implies previous attention seeking behaviour. If you wanted to let her know, or some compassion, why not just phone or message her?

I work in A+E. I see people taking selfies the whole time for FB updates. NOBODY who is VERY injured/poorly does this.

NoSauce · 12/11/2019 17:23

Going off your mums response, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve checked in on FB at A and E?

It must hurt that she didn’t show you any care and compassion but I would stop the checking in at hospital in future. It’s well known that people roll their eyes at this and don’t take it seriously.

What happened was serious but you’d have been better just putting a status up explaining that if you feel you need online support. Or better still scrap that and just ring those close to you.

saraclara · 12/11/2019 17:25

Joining the chorus. I would never do a Facebook check in at A&E. If the accident is serious, my immediate family deserve to hear directly from me, and before random friends. If it's not, posting is attention seeking and eye rollingly lame. And an unnecessary worry for loved ones.

LimeRedBanana · 12/11/2019 17:25

Sorry for what happened to you.

DH had a heart attack two weekends ago. The news gradually made it to one of his friends who loves to post his own illness woes all over FB.

He posted a 'WTF - hope you're OK!!' message on DH's FB wall.

DH was furious, madly working out how to delete it from his wall before anyone saw it, and wondering why his friend couldn't just privately message him, like everyone else. He was mortified that all and sundry might know his business.

FB is not the time or place for this sort of thing, and it's absolutely not the mechanism for close family and friends to find out about things. It really, really isn't.

Next time, leave it off FB, and contact your Mum directly.

ClientListQueen · 12/11/2019 17:26

Some parents just don't care. I had emergency spinal surgery and needed a lift but had to get a taxi home and spent the whole 8 week recovery alone. It's shit, but you sort of know that's how it's going to be

Ilovethekitties · 12/11/2019 17:32

I hope you're okay, but no one likes someone who checks in A & E on Facebook that's just thirsty! You wont get any real sympathy that way and it would also suggest to me that it wasn't that bad. You should call your mother next time and explain about what's happened.

Original poster

sourpuss1 · 12/11/2019 17:34

Unfortunately we don't have a close relationship and if I call or text she doesn't respond or return calls, she has caller display on her land line. I know AIBU as I'm quite aware of people dramatically posting on FB etc and being all cryptic etc, I work with a team of approx 200 of which half would have been aware within ten minutes most likely, you have to love working in a mostly female environment they have an amazing rumour mill, I appreciate I'm just being oversensitive and silly I guess it just compounds the loneliness when your own mum doesn't particularly care, not that it's relevant but due to having two special needs children of my own there's regular incidents with appoints and visits etc so we regularly have a little 'drama' however my mum does not particularly like my children and is embarrassed by them as they are not like her friends and family a grandchildren, she has openly admitted she doesn't have them to stay or go out with etc as they aren't 'normal' and I'm not to discuss their differences in company of her friends etc even if they ask how the kids are getting on. All points taken and I accept my actions were silly

OP posts:

GreytExpectations · 12/11/2019 17:39

Nice drip feed about you mum there OP...

I'm sorry to hear you were assaulted and it must be awful what you are going through. But YABU to have posted on Facebook as that's basically what attention seekers do and it seems like you aren't happy you didn't get the attention you wanted.

NoSauce · 12/11/2019 17:39

I’m sorry OP. Your mum sounds really unkind. I know she’s your mum and you want her to care but from what you’ve written, especially about your children, I really think I wouldn’t bother anymore even trying to get her to bother.

onthecoins · 12/11/2019 17:56

Sorry you've had a hard day OP.

But like a lot of PP I roll my eyes at FB hospital check ins. It's so attention seeking, and 99% of the time that's exactly why people do it.

WorraLiberty · 12/11/2019 18:01

I have to say my first question was going to be, 'but why did your mum put "what now?"

Then having read on, it does sound as though you come across as fairly 'attention-seekish'.

It's shit that you were assaulted and it's shit that you have a bad relationship with your mum but she may have voiced what some of your other friends were thinking, if you have form for this sort of Facbook update/check-in.

KnifeAngel · 12/11/2019 18:06

I'm sorry you got assaulted. However it is extremely attention seeking to post on Facebook checking in at the hospital.

Sallyseagull · 12/11/2019 18:09

Of the 200 who you work with how any would actually message you and you feel you need to reply to?

Personally I would have responded to a few and asked them to pass the message on saying youre ok. Maybe do that next time?

AlwaysCheddar · 12/11/2019 18:14

You checked in at A&E on Facebook? That is tragic.

But hope youre okay.

OneUsernameOnly · 12/11/2019 18:19

Oh god. Seeing A & E check ins on FB make me cringe - I look at them through my fingers. I am sorry you were assaulted and more sorry that you have a shit relationship with your mum - maybe work on your feelings to do with that rather than attention seeking shite. All the best OP

LimeRedBanana · 12/11/2019 18:20

I work with a team of approx 200 of which half would have been aware within ten minutes most likely

....meaning the A&E check-in was completely unnecessary.

Even if your Mum doesn't respond to texts, you can still text her to say you're in A&E, rather than notifying your entire FB community.

OneDay10 · 12/11/2019 18:20

Sorry op sounds like you had a bad day . Your mother sounds horrid, I would seriously think of having very little to do with her. Her attitude
towards her own gc is vile.

Antigon · 12/11/2019 18:26

@AlwaysCheddar give it a rest now, OP has posted to say she accepts she is BU.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 12/11/2019 18:30

YWBU to vaguebook. It’s attention seeking.

I am sorry that you were assaulted though, and hope you’re okay.

iklboo · 12/11/2019 18:31

Sorry you were assaulted OP and I hope you recover soon.

sevenswansareswimming · 12/11/2019 18:40

So shit you were hurt like that! I hope it wasn't anything too nasty and will make a quick recovery!

Don't feel bad about posting on Facebook. I do it when I go for me or DS or DP as it's easier to communicate with everyone on there than sending out messages! My DS is in hospital a lot so I post on Facebook to save people private messaging me about him!

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 12/11/2019 18:41

As the parent of an adult child with SN, I’d be a bit wtf, if I knew one of my child’s tutors was posting about being assaulted at work! If I was the parent of the child that assaulted you, I’d be extremely distressed that you had been assaulted by my child, but seriously upset that you felt the need to post about it.

As a previous worker for the health service, I would have been given a bollocking about putting something like that online. You have the right to a safe working environment, but show a little common sense about what you put online.

Antigon · 12/11/2019 18:43

@MrGsFancyNewVagina

OP is perfectly entitled to post about her violent assault on her personal Facebook!

She doesn’t even say she was assaulted by a child.

Not everything is about you and your child.

Sortitoutlove · 12/11/2019 18:47

Don’t check in on fb that’s so cringe.

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