I have never posted on an Internet forum before but I seem to have gotten to the stage where I am just so desperate for any type of advice that I am facing my fears of posting on the internet!
I went to university when I was 18 having just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Lasted a semester, had a break down and came home. Tried again the next year, lasted till even less time, had a breakdown, came home. Worked in various jobs. Hated retail - felt so uncomfortable and out of place. Worked in various offices. I’m ok for about a year, then I just breakdown because I feel so bored and stuck and incompatible with everyone else/corporate values of company.
Applied for uni again for a teaching degree - love placements and the environment of school. I am commuting from home so don’t have to worry about living with strangers. Managed to just about get through first year. But I cannot cope with university itself. I am so isolated and really struggle to mix with the other students. Assignments terrify me and I have not been able to hand any in this year. I’m now at the stage where I feel paralysed with fear just looking at them.
I am awaiting an assessment for ADD and ASD but have no idea if I have them or whether my symptoms are just a side effect of depression/anxiety/meds. I have had a load of different therapies but am bound by what is offered on the NHS.
I have a wonderful supportive husband and wonderful supportive parents. I just feel like I am such a burden on them. I can’t seem to meet what is expected of me and function like an adult. I feel embarrassed that I feel so miserable despite all of their support and from my view it seems like their lives would be so much better without me in it.
If anyone can relate/has any advice please let me know. I will try anything!