To wish he’d just left me to sleep?

[AngeloMysterioso]

We have an 8 day old DS. First baby, still getting the hang of things. Breastfeeding so I’m not getting a great deal of sleep.

Earlier on this evening I’d fallen asleep on the sofa whilst MIL was holding sleeping DS. DH wakes me and says we should all just go to bed. We change DS who wakes up then needs feeding afterwards.

That was nearly 2 hours ago. DS is still feeding. I haven’t brushed my teeth, I need to change my maternity pad and the paracetamol I’m taking because of my episiotomy has worn off. DH is fast asleep in bed.

Could he not have just let me sleep on the sofa a bit longer? DS was sleeping, I was sleeping, everything was fine, then DH put a stop to all that because “bedtime” and now the only person sleeping is him!

Selfish twat! He should be doing everything possible to help you get as much rest as possible. Not going for a run etc.

I'm fuming on your behalf!!!

He is being ridiculous, but hopefully this is because he is still getting used to how much a new baby changes your day-to-day life rather than because he's a selfish arse.

He needs to change his expectations about how there is daytime when you're up and there's noise and nobody needs to be quiet, and night-time when you go to bed and sleep. Neither work for you right now and he needs to support you in that.

He also needs to do your laundry while you're doing full-time care of the brand new very demanding tiny baby! If he's on paternity leave that's leave to look after the baby and you. If he's working then even more reason to do what he can when he can.

My OH did this to me, drove me bananas and I don't get why he did it as DS was asleep in the cot, I was asleep on the sofa, he could have gone to bed but I didn't like going to be bed too early as he slept better in the moses basket. Eurgh.

Of course having a new baby changes everything and lack of sleep is a big issue, and can cause difficulties and tension in even the best of relationships. But one thing my DH would have done is listen to me, which yours doesn't seem to be doing!

If my partner thought I was leaning on our baby and didn't wake me to tell me I'd be horrified!

Speak to him. I'd rather be in bed with dp and the baby (we have a next to me) as I feed and sleep laid down a lot at night. It also makes me feel more connected to dp. Many issues when you've just had a baby are communication issues. We all feel resentful when our partners are sleeping next to us and we can't!

@ukgifts2016. There was really no justification for your nasty comments.The op is exhausted,she really doesn't need your input.

One of the things made clear in our NCT classes was that for at least, I dunno, 6 weeks, night and day don't really exist. They have to for things like shopping, going to appointments, registering the baby, but otherwise night is just "breastfeeding in bed" vs "breastfeeding on sofa". However what I don't think will be helping here is living with other adults who haven't had a baby and are going about their business. "Not creeping about" at noon - why? You're not having a nice lazy lie in, this is the same as night sleep for you!

You potentially leaning on the baby is a separate issue, if you were then obviously you should be woken to reposition however I'd be suspicious that he was actually waking you because in his mind it was time for you to get up.
As I said before I have a two week old baby and my DH leaves me to sleep with the baby in the morning and yes he does creep around when he comes up stairs when he comes to see whether I'm awake feeding in need of something to eat or drink. This is what your DH should be doing.
Also he needs to be doing all the household chores. You need to recover and rest from the birth and breastfeeding also takes a lot out of you as you are literally supplying everything that the baby needs right now.
Worryingly is that he hasn't taken on board what you've told him and is giving you attitude instead.

Sleep becomes more precious than gold when you have a newborn! I remember it well! I'd have been annoyed too! Communicate with your dh and tell him that he needs to make sure you sleep any time you get the chance and that it doesn't matter if it's on the bathroom floor - just let you sleep!

Perhaps he meant well. He could just be thinking that he’s frightened the baby will fall if you are asleep and he’s not there to grab baby as he/she slips from your arms. Or you may smother baby if you fall asleep and slump over. Or that you deserve a good rest lying down as you’re exhausted.
Just have a word tomorrow and make sure he does everything you need during his time off work. That’s why he gets that time. Not to sit about. Plenty housework to be done!
Congratulations OP.

My hubby learned pretty quickly not to wake me when I stopped being able to communicate due to sheer exhaustion and couldn't remember names, places or anything similar. He also learned I was significantly more pleasant to be around if he let me sleep as long as I needed and much better equipped to handle a new baby.

And OP, if you want to hate your hubby for his useless fucking nipples then you go right ahead because I can tell you right now you are not alone!

Oh dear, is this the DH who didn’t want to move before the baby although you did?

Sorry if you’re a different OP, but either way he sounds amazingly selfish and lacking any sort of empathy!

I would suggest asking him to help with everything until it becomes second nature to him that he does actually had to help and not become a second child for you to parent.

Tell him, clearly and a couple of times, to give him room for being a new dad and just not comprehending the gigantic change that has happened. Tell him clearly. Even if it is upsetting to have to tell him what he should really be able to see with his own eyes.

I think at least then it provides some comfort for if he doesn't step up - you have been absolutely clear.

The best case scenario is that he of course does step up and the rest is rolling end credits and cheesy music.

My dh left me to drown in PND, PTSD and crippling exhaustion with our first, who didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time for a year.

Even he would do our laundry. I asked him to change the bedding because it smelled like old milk and I was sweating so much, also my pad had leaked. Such an attractive time. He just changed the bedding like it was no big deal at all.

If you ask for what you need, you have to deal with the disappointment of being married to someone that isn't thinking about your needs (or has thought, and is totally lost). This is tough to swallow, but even so, you will get some rest, laundry done, time to be a human being re: quick shower, change pad, take pain killers etc.

Also, it may well help him to be able to understand and to anticipate what you need.

It is really, really hard graft. It really is. It gets easier exponentially. Tell him what you need.