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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have my dog put to sleep?

253 replies

NotAHun · 11/11/2019 19:44

Not sure this is the right place to be posting this. Long time poster but name changed for privacy...

We have a small ish breed dog. She’s 5, over the last year she’s bitten 2 of my dc one twice, and two other times when people have knocked at door, once when taking a toy off of her, she’s also bitten me hard enough that I lost my nail. She just punctured ds’s arm right on the bony bit and through a long sleeved top and jumper because he tried to push her away as he opened the door to let me in (I hadn’t knocked and she would have heard it was my voice the other side of the door.

I cannot walk her off lead as she would definitely bite a toddler unprovoked she hates tiny children! My dc are all over 5. I don’t feel comfortable re homing her because no one can guarantee that they never come into contact with children and I feel responsible.

It’s awful because we all love her but if ds had been wearing a t shirt and not a jumper she could’ve done serious damage. I feel so guilty at the thought of having her pts but no idea what to do.

OP posts:
beingchampion · 11/11/2019 22:57

I'll admit to only reading the OP's posts because I know too many people will pile on saying that it's not the dog's fault and owners should try harder.

The dog isn't safe for whatever reason, better to be pts then passed around for people to try and cure her.

You're being a responsible dog owner, difficult decision, but best for you and your dog.

Scattyhattie · 11/11/2019 23:19

Its not that difficult to avoid children for those without and outdoors can use a muzzle/keep on lead , one of my dogs finds younger children scary (TBF they do behave unpredictably & noisy) so we give them a wide berth.
Ideally going into an adult only foster to be fully assessed out of current set up which sounda like could be causing excess stress. Its harder to know if whoever rehomes her would definitely follow rescues advice though & can also understand preferring to pts to not have to wonder about her future.

Some medical conditions and just being in pain can alter behaviour. My girl gets tetchy & more prone to lashing out at other dog, when sore but is stoic & doesn't react when vet pokes & manipulates her. The physio picked up some gait change, tightness in muscles & was only after starting pain relief that noticed the little things that changed.

Rubyupbeat · 11/11/2019 23:20

Dogs trust keep dogs that cant be re-homed. That's the idea of sponsoring a dog with them. Please ask there before you decide anything.

KilljoysDutch · 11/11/2019 23:21

What sort of non-giant breed dog has a life span of just 5 years? Also the timeline sort of points that she became aggressive after having pups.

UrsulaPandress · 11/11/2019 23:22

So why have you posted?

NotAHun · 11/11/2019 23:31

I guess I posted to get non emotional biased responses from people not attached to the dog like we are.

I didn’t say 5 was the life expectancy but that it’s not much younger.

She would be utterly miserable in a kennel for the rest of her days and I strongly disagree with dogs trust keeping dogs in kennels all their lives, I think it may sound harsh but there are fates worse than death imo.

It may well point to after puppies but that cannot now be helped and it’s not like they left last week, she’s since been spayed and has had 3 years to adjust - not too sure why that’s relevant either

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 11/11/2019 23:41

You sound like a very responsible dog owner and you have tried all of the options available to you.

It is a stupidly hard decision to make, and I don't envy you that one bit, but I understand completely where you are coming from, and the devastation that could ensue if she was to bite another child- in which case that decision may then get taken out of your hands.

I hope you find a positive outcome OP, and dont be hard on yourself - it's not an easy decision.

Pannalash · 12/11/2019 00:02
Biscuit
QuestionableMouse · 12/11/2019 00:31

Too many nice safe dogs to spend time and money on one who has proven it'll bite and keep biting. Give her one great last day and pts.

powershowerforanhour · 12/11/2019 00:33

not ask a vet to kill a healthy animal.

A social animal that attacks both familiar and strange members of its own species, and also several familiar humans, is not a healthy animal. If this dog was presented to me for euthanasia I would do it and I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.

Forget " not her fault " " deserves a chance" etc etc. Nothing is a dog's fault and one is not more or less deserving than another. They are dogs; they aren't morally accountable for their actions. How the dog is now and the living situation is more important at this point than why or apportioning blame, luck, whatever.

I would euthanase. I do not think owners have a moral obligation to go to the ends of the earth till they find the right behaviourist, arrange their whole lives around a mentally unstable dog and take the continued risk of disfiguring or potentially life changing (infected bite to tendon sheaths and nerves of the hand, for example) injury. Or to magic up a rugged sexy single rehoming owner who has jacked in a successful career as a dog whisperer to be a lighthouse keeper on a remote island and doesn't already have a dog.

As for all the "Don't get another dog as CLEARLY you have no idea how to train them/ you didn't try hard enough" posts- meh. No owner is perfect but most dogs are fine, some dogs are not fine. Being a dog suitable to live with humans means having some tolerance of the humans' imperfections. I would not expect every owner to have the talent and time to learn to speak such fluent "dog" that they can interpret every little nuance perfectly and never make a mistake like the poor unfortunate getting on the bus in "The Great Escape". The dog needs to have a bit more inherent flexibility, resilience, tolerance- call it what you will- than that. Which is not to say it's the breeder's fault. Some dogs with good upbringings and parents with good hip scores have dysplastic hips anyway. Some dogs with calm sensible parents and a good upbringing have mental/behavioural problems anyway.

Several times in my career I have seen two littermates go to the same (experienced) home at the same time, fed the same, treated the same, appeared to act the same to start with, where one has been fine and the other not. Or good steady owners who have always had decently trained steady dogs and then just have one that turns into a more and more highly strung mess, to a greater or lesser extent, for no discernible reason. Sometimes it is just the luck of the draw.

HopefullyAnonymous · 12/11/2019 01:28

French bulldog?

HowlinProwlin · 12/11/2019 02:05

Resource guarding requires both actual training/behaviour modification sessions to address it AND management to prevent the dog experiencing the situations/contexts that trigger that need to guard something.

If you cannot, will not or have not done that, then it won't get any better, will almost certainly get worse and your dog is likely living with enormous anxiety much of the time.

Depending on what else you have attempted to address the RG with, it could take some time to fix, it usually IS fixable, its a job I quite like on the whole as the management is usually pretty simple and the fix very easy to understand and explain.

Sometimes however, a dog has gone too far, almost always when people have tried this and that and punished the dog for giving warning signs and tried to Cesar Millan their way out of it and do the ole 'she won't DARE growl at ME' type rubbish... those methods will over time produce a dangerous dog who is incurable :(

If you were my client I'd be asking you to speak to a vet who understands behaviour problems (not one who thinks its all to do with pack leaders and giving them a wallop), and in particular the link between pain and behaviour, and gut health and behaviour, and the use of anti anxiety drugs alongside behaviour modification.

If you can't/don't want to/won't do that, then I think euthanasia is the fairer option than rehoming - we have myriad dogs in kennels who do not have such severe bite histories, that are struggling for homes. We don't need more and the people who would take on dogs like this come under two headings..

1/ They think they know it all and they don't and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near.

2/ They actually DO know it all, but already have a houseful of dogs with issues and don't want any more thankyou very much.

myself2020 · 12/11/2019 06:24

Its a tough thing to do, but please put her down, don’t give her to a rescue. the being at a shelter will be awful and traumatic for her, and the chances she ever makes it out are slim. she is a dog - she has no concept of the future. put her down, give her loads of cuddles while the vet does it. its much much kinder

Booboostwo · 12/11/2019 06:27

The dog has already bitten an adult, its problems are not limited to children, so I don’t see how everyone would be safe in a mythical adult only household.

myself2020 · 12/11/2019 06:43

What is worrying is when she bites, and that she bites family, and that its proper bites.
i grew up with dogs, i’ve been bitten. the difference is circumstances and degree of bite.
For example, our dog was on the sofa fast asleep, i didn’t see her and say down on her quite heavily. she startled awake and bit me in the leg - left a small puncture hole (only 1-2 mm). completely forgivable, as she was scared and hurt and half asleep. completely my fault (in my defence, she wasn’t allowed on the sofa so i didn’t expect her on it).
Or greed while feeding (different dog, but again just a scratch).
Your dog seems to bite intentionally, not accidentally, and that is just a no go.

Maneandfeathers · 12/11/2019 07:27

Dogs trust keep dogs that cant be re-homed. That's the idea of sponsoring a dog with them. Please ask there before you decide anything

Honestly, how is this the right thing to do for a dog who has been used to living in a home environment with a family who have loved and been devoted to it for 5 years?
Its at the end of its lifespan (bulldog probably) and clearly has serious issues to the point its bitten not one but FIVE times.
Its also bitten adults so how would an adult only home be safe, also why should the kennel staff be put in danger?
Yes, so lets uproot it from its safe place, away from its family in its old age and stick it in a kennel for years, never to snuggle on someones sofa and to sit alone most of the day except for walks which will need to be carefully managed as its also dog aggressive. Its incredibly stressful for the majority of dogs to live this way. Ive seen the stress caused by long term kennelling, shut down sad animals with no hope of ever getting out finding new behaviours to occupy themselves with until they do die (or are PTS for biting staff in most cases)

If i posted a post saying im planning on kenneling my dog for 23 hours a day mumsent would lynch me, or if i god forbid went out for more than 4 hours and left them alone its deemed cruel as dogs are social creatures who go stir crazy alone yet throw in a situation like this and people are desperate for it to happen but dont stop to think what a life like this is actually like for the dog.

My favourite rescue who I work with daily refuses biters for good reason, they know they cannot cater for these dogs long term and they are almost impossible to place into good homes. Ive seen two biters rehomed recently. One had bitten a child and went on to slip past the owner as she had a freak siezure and escape biting a child in the street and a second rehomed for resource guarding who went to a highly experienced home who ended up biting the owner in the face resource guarding a piece of fluff the owner didnt even see. The point is we cant remove all of the triggers from the environment, its impossible.

Maybe this is a sore subject as its a subject close to my heart as I actually had one of my much loved dogs euthanised as she had bitten, however the circumstances were very complicated. To called or thought of as ‘a coward’ by someone who probably has no clue about living with a dog who at any second could seriously hurt someone, kill someones pet or even attack for family is quiet upsetting actually.

A life in kennels is no life for a dog Sad

81Byerley · 12/11/2019 07:30

OP, Take notice of @powershowerforanhour .

Winterdaysarehere · 12/11/2019 07:46

Dog's Trust promos to never out a healthy ddog down..
That is a healthy mindded ddog.
Which sadly yours isn't.
It will be pts.
*ex rescue worker here but many years ago..
Making a decision YOU believe is best means you will sleep nights op.
Your mh is also important in this.
Ime.

Chocolatemouse84 · 12/11/2019 08:03

I don't think putting to sleep is the worst thing that could happen as a last resort.

I believe that putting a dog to sleep, with people around who it loves and who love it, in its own safe, calm quiet environment, is better for some dogs than being sent to a shelter alone with strangers, strange noises and having to either live for years there or get used to a new home environment. That is too scary and stressful for some dogs.

I adore my dog but if she bit 5 times, I would certainly question as to whether I could keep her, or even rehome her.
The op is being very reasonable... She cannot guarantee that no people in the future will be at risk from this dog. For me, as hard as it is, putting to sleep is the kindest thing to do.

DriftingLeaves · 12/11/2019 08:12

Please update to say it's been PTS, OP.

I'm worried for your children.

myself2020 · 12/11/2019 08:14

@Chocolatemouse84 completely agree. putting a with with a very slim chance of finding a home in a kennel is a lot more cruel than putting the dog down. dogs don’t care about the future, they only care sbout NOW.

SerenDippitty · 12/11/2019 08:15

Is there a Dogs Trust near you? They never pts healthy dogs, if she is unsuitable for rehoming they’ll keep her.

NotAHun · 12/11/2019 08:25

Calling vets in a mo. I’m so upset but truly believe it’s the right thing.

Will they agree to do it?

OP posts:
beingchampion · 12/11/2019 08:26

Is there a Dogs Trust near you? They never pts healthy dogs, if she is unsuitable for rehoming they’ll keep her.

Which is a hideous life for a dog. Cruel.

beingchampion · 12/11/2019 08:28

They will agree. Best wishes for a horrible decision, you are being a responsible owner.