What does he actually mean when he says this?

[loured]

Ive split from my ex after 3 years this year. It was a bitter split and currently trying to sort the house as we bought a house together.
I then met another man- very much my type, everything my ex wasn't and is a good man too.
However, he has anxiety and has just had his divorce finalised. He has had a relationship since his divorce/split 2 years ago but told me it ended because he was messaging other girls and has been very honest with a few things with me which surprised me. He has said he's feeling pretty low and unable to commit to anything right now.
Ive said I understand as emotionally I am unsure I can commit too right now. So we've both walked away as I have said I need to go away and repair the hurt from my ex etc and he said he is in the same boat. We've spoken intermittently but always leads to sexting- he tells me he misses my body a lot but tells me he's sorry he can't be what he wants for me? And he hopes I find the right guy as I deserve him?
I find this so confusing- I can read this in many ways. Is it a case of right guy wrong time? Or is he simply never going to be interested? Or he does like me but unable to emotionally commit and is too much of a mess right now and his confidence is shattered a bit?
He has said he does overthink things (which I can do too) and I have clearly told him I'm not looking for a relationship right now so it confuses me that he pushes me a way in one way but not in another....?
The bottom line is I'm happy to be a friend and just support him but he said he has kept his distance because he hasn't been able to give me what I want?

He's not that into you. Move on.

No idea. Just ask him what he means?

He wants to have sex with you not have a relationship with you.

He means he can’t commit to you emotionally but still wants sex. Notice how he says he misses ‘your body’, not that he misses you.

He means exactly what he says: he doesn't want a relationship with you, but he misses your body so would still like the option of having sex with you from time to time.

I don't see what's so confusing - sounds like he has been very clear?

i don't see what's so confusing - sounds like he has been very clear?

Because OP has not said that she wants a relationship. So how can he assume that what she wants is one? Like, it's a bit arrogant if that's what he means.

He'll shag you if you let him, but that's all.

So how can he assume that what she wants is one?

1. he is covering his bases by letting her know. Arrogant, maybe, but also quite sensible.

2. it is pretty obvious that the OP does want a relationship. Otherwise there wouldn't be all this "but what does he MEEEEEEAAAAN?" angst and speculation as to his motives.

I also agree with the not that into you

Relationships should not be this hard at the start.

We've spoken intermittently but always leads to sexting- he tells me he misses my body a lot but tells me he's sorry he can't be what he wants for me?

I find this so confusing- I can read this in many ways

What's confusing? He's being very open and clear with you so stop looking for a deeper meaning that isn't there. He wants to use for his sexual gratification but doesn't want any other type of relationship with you.

Sorry to be blunt.

He's blowing hot and cold with you to keep you interested, so you will hope more of a relationship will develop, (it won't!).
But he's not interested in a relationship with you, he just wants the possibility of sex without commitment.

He's a player, he has told you that, (sexting you & other women). He's probably got a few women on the back burner. just like you.

Don't offer him sympathy, don't be his friend.
Dump him and run for the hills, and don't look back!

His saying he wants to sleep with you without any sort of commitment

In other words FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

it is pretty obvious that the OP does want a relationship. Otherwise there wouldn't be all this "but what does he MEEEEEEAAAAN?" angst and speculation as to his motives.

No. You can get angsty about casual shags. OP has said she's feeling weird after her divorce. Doesn't mean she wants a relationship.

He wants to have sex with you but not a relationship

He doesnt want a relationship. He does want to have sex.

He wants to be footloose and fancy free.

He likes you but doesn't want a committed relationship, cos he knows he'll probably cheat and let you down.

Walk away.

So he's sexiting you like the others.

Op, cmon, you know what this is, it's a booty call, he's not wishing a relationship with you. He's looking for fwb or a bit of a boost whilst he looks for someone else.

💐

Agreed with PP, he's after a FWB arrangement.

I agree with everyone else. He doesn’t want a relationship or friendship with you, just sex when he feels like it.

He wants sex with no commitment. What do you want?

Wanting a FWB set up doesn't make him a bad person. At least he is being honest about the fact that he does not want a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.
If you're happy to keep it casual (and if he's a worthwhile shag, of course) then keep him as an option for when you're horny, but if you would prefer something a bit more relationship-like, it's probably best to move on.

FFS you haven't even been split from your ex for a year yet. It is FAR too soon to be giving this amount of focus to anyone else. What about YOU? How would you feel if, instead of sexting with a self-confessed cheat with anxiety problem, you gave all that attention, care & concern to yourself?

I dont think you are ready.
Certainly not for this specific man.
You are having to second-guess him, you are already "what if"ing, & he has told you he is not for you.If you were in your right mind, if you were 100% in charge of yourself, any of those things would have you running for the hills. Instead, you are wondering how to get him to try to make a go of it.

Here's my advice:
Take him at he word. He is not for you.
Get some counselling so that you can explore what went down in your previous relationship in a supportive & trusting environment.
Use that new knowledge to build yourself up.
Pay attention to yourself, not romantic relationships.
When you are ready, you will perceive that romance, with the right man, is fun, & simple, & you dont have to keep asking random strangers wtf this man means when he says ...
... because he will be straightforward, & you will not have to guess or hope.

Ditch Mr Unsuitable, & learn how to love yourself. When you do, you will KNOW when a man is trusty & true. Until then, you will be constantly trying to see yourself reflected in the eyes of someone you hope will value you, whether they themselves are valuable or not.
Forget that shit. Value yourself - the rest will follow naturally.

If he's been open and clear about why previous relationships have ended, I think you can take what he says at face value and not 'read' much else into it. The nub of it is here in your OP:

• He has said he's feeling pretty low and unable to commit to anything right now.
• Ive said I understand as emotionally I am unsure I can commit too right now.
• So we've both walked away as I have said I need to go away and repair the hurt from my ex etc and he said he is in the same boat.

You've both set out your stall in terms of not being ready to get into anything serious. He doesn't want to commit, he said so. You don't want to commit, you said so. You've agreed to walk away from whatever nascent relationship was beginning to form.

We've spoken intermittently but always leads to sexting

Well, presumably you're physically attracted to each other. Sometimes that physical urge is harder to pack away. Unless he's sexting on his own, you're joining in the conversation at that level too. He's signalling attraction to you (as you are to him, if you're returning the sexts).

My guess is there isn't anything more to it. You've got attraction, from both sides. And unwillingness to get drawn into a deeper romantic situation -- again, from both sides.

He's signalling that he'd be up for sex-only if you are. He's giving you the choice as to whether you pursue that or not. If you keep sexting with him, he'll think that you're open to that too. So if you're not, stop sexting with him.

You’re going to get nowhere with him. I promise you. Next!

I've read everyones comments- thank you :)

I think everyone has an element of being right tbh. He is only after FWB I know. Think I was just confused because even though I told him I don't want a relationship and im not looking for anything committed...I still get mixed messages- like him saying he's not the guy for me....I never said he was the wrong guy or I was even looking for anyone? I think that's more of a confidence issue than an arrogant one maybe?

Im leaving him to it anyway- its not a bad thing he wants more of a FWB but just not sure I can do the same when its a bit soon after my breakup.

When I said to him I just need to go away and repair the hurt etc- he replied saying 'he hopes I can. I am in the same boat'. So we are both hurting but everyone copes differently I guess.