To ignore grabby relative?

[whitetigerhair]

I'm starting to get quite annoyed with a relative (DHs sibling) and I'm not sure if I'm being a bit mean or they are being a CF.

Every time I receive a message from said relative it's always a very insincere "how are you" followed with some sort of request to have or "borrow" never get back something, usually baby items/clothing that dc have grown out of. Never any back and forth conversation unless it's about the item/s they have requested. Every single time after the request has been granted and arranged, if I continue the friendly chat with another message they don't reply to me. Until a few weeks later when they want something again.

I mentioned to DH that I felt like a cow but it feels like they genuinely don't care and when I looked back at my messages they never send one without a requesting something for free in it!

DH is a little on the fence and said "it is rude yes, but I wouldn't make a fuss about it".

I'm sick of feeling used and am quite insulted by their behaviour so am firmly in the "fuck it" camp. I don't want to make a fuss but I don't want to reply anymore. If he chooses to entertain their cheeky requests then so be it.

AIBU?

"Sorry, promised it to a friend."

I don’t see why you mind really, if you are able to help someone out and reduce over consumption, isn’t that a good thing?
But if it makes you feel used and/or you would like more interaction, why not say that to them.
If you want to give it to someone else, do that instead.

Say you've already given the stuff away. Maybe to a friend you actually see regularly rather than a CF who only pops up when they want your stuff

Realistically she doesn't want to borrow things, she wants them full stop. So I would only hand them over if you are happy to gift them to her, otherwise just say no.
I can see why you're annoyed, i would be to if SIL only got in touch for what she could get out of me. Maybe send a few replies about how you are and family stuff ignoring the request next time she does it (as suggested by PP).

Say reply 'why?' next time. She'll soon stop

This is why CF's getting away with behaving like this because normal people are worried of offending them. Just ignore her or make an excuse. It's never gonna change until you get some boundaries ! So many people are pushovers these days and I'm also one of these but I have removed cfs out of my life and it's such a relief .

Ignore them, block their number, how simple can it be?

Two options
1-ignore
2-entertain yourself by winding them up on purpose

YANBU, obviously. Just ignore the messages from now on.

Just ignore.
She’ll get the message soon enough then.
You’re not a free charity shop.

Definitely ignore. If she does it to you, how can you be considered rude?

Silence their messages or have a standard one ready to cut and paste.
Oh what a shame if you’d asked me yesterday, I would have it but I have given it to A B or charity shop.

I suggest the following: "Hi X, I am well, hope you are too. Let's save some time: what would you like to ask me for?"

They will be hilarious in their offended outrage

Don't ignore the message but ignore the request for free stuff.

Just reply with something like 'Hi. What a lovely surprise, it's been a while since we spoke. How are you and family?'

Alternatively- reply with a detailed description of how you all are and completely ignore the request, and keep doing it. If the text comes back only with request, then just ignore it.

or

I suggest the following: "Hi X, I am well, hope you are too. Let's save some time: what would you like to ask me for?"

Both are perfect responses without being outright rude.

Just 'accidentally' block them if you feel unable to ignore.

I think my response would depend on whether I needed the money. I can't afford to give stuff away, so each time I'd probably say 'we were going to do a big sale to bring in some money, but if you want it then it us X, so I'd like Y for it' with Y being whatever you see as a fair price.

If you can afford to give it away, and you don't want any more kids, and the kids will not want any of these things back, and there's no one that needs it/wants it more then I'd probably just shrug and let it go. Saves it cluttering up your house only to be dealt with later.

It seems like the fact that she's saying 'borrow' rather than 'can I have x thing if you no longer need it, I'd really appreciate it as don't have much spare cash/seems wasteful buying new' etc etc is the main issue. So if you're not bothered about the money then perhaps just say, "you ask to borrow these things but I never get them back. you are welcome to things we no longer need, but please ask to have them not borrow them in future as it pisses me off when you do that" (or more polite wording if you prefer...)

pack up the things you don't want to give away and hide box in the loft. When CF asks for free stuff, say you no longer have the item(s). If said item ever gets used again and CF notices, tell CF your friend returned it in perfect condition and you're still using it.

I like this:

Just reply with something like 'Hi. What a lovely surprise, it's been a while since we spoke. How are you and family?'

But I'd probably follow it up with "Oh by the way, you still have X item that you borrowed from me, can I have it back now? I've promised to lend it to a friend" because I'm a big old meanie

Sorry, I dont have this number saved. Who are you?

Every time.

Tell her she can have it when she's returned everything else.

What @Shodan said ^^

One in one out. So @Shodan message. You can have x when you've returned y

@Imustnottelllies Time to go back to court then. There's no reason not to and DH can self represent. Costs are reasonable.

Yes, don't reply.

When they complain to DP, look innocent and say 'Oh well, you did tell me to not cause a fuss about it so I decided not to reply reminding them that they only contact me when they're on the scrounge. Perhaps you should explain then?'