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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask mother in law for my item back.

44 replies

Starlet79 · 11/11/2019 10:36

A dehumidifier of all things. Have I left it too long? I’m not even sure she still has it.

A few years ago I was a single mum to my eldest. We lived in this tiny one bed flat with a huge damp problem and the landlord refused to do anything about it. But whatever that’s the point of this post. I bought a dehumidifier to help, at the time buying one was hard as like I said single mum. They are expensive and I’m pretty sure my grandparents helped me to buy it.

During my last few weeks in my old flat before moving in with OH. Mil asked if she could borrow said dehumidifier as she had a leak. She said she would bring it back.

She didn’t. I moved out and didn’t really need so I to be honest I completely forgot about it.

Years have gone by. I’ve probably left it too late to ask for it back but we are suffering from mould and condensation in our house in which we own so we need to sort the problem ourselves.

Aibu to ask for it back? OH said we will just buy new as his mum can be a bit funny about things but my grandparents paid for most of it. It was a decent one too. Surely it’s rightfully mine?

Saying that, I’ve never seen it as Mil’s house. She has probably broke or battered it.

It seems trivial worrying about it but I never gave it to her, it was lent to her.

OP posts:
antisupermum · 11/11/2019 10:40

I would 100% ask for it back and if she has broken it/got rid of it I would be asking for money towards a replacement.

The key part here is that you loaned it to her, you didn't give her it. So, whether its 3 months or 3 years down the line, its yours and you were expecting its return.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/11/2019 10:41

I would let it go at this stage tbh Too much time has passed

thatwasMauijustmessingaround · 11/11/2019 10:42

I don't see the problem, I'd ask.

I'd text and say "I don't suppose you still have that old humidifier I leant you a few years back? Our mould problem is getting worse and I'm thinking of see if a humidifier would help. If the old one is still working it'll save me buying new! No worries if not. Thanks! Xx".

Then you're not exactly accusing her of throwing it away or breaking it etc. You're just saying it'd save you buying a new one.

Confusedbeetle · 11/11/2019 10:42

Let it go. Buy another

Finfintytint · 11/11/2019 10:42

Just mention you now have a damp issue and ask if she still needs yours. If she hasn’t got it anymore then I’d let it go and buy a new one.

kjhkj · 11/11/2019 10:42

Surely you just say

"Hi MIL, just wondering if you still have that dehumidifier that we lent you ages ago. We need it for the flat since we have a massive damp problem at the moment."

Easy

WorraLiberty · 11/11/2019 10:43

Just ask her if she still has it Confused

Wattagoose90 · 11/11/2019 10:43

Yep ask for it back! It's as simple as saying "remember that dehumidifier I leant to you a few years ago? We have some mould so could do with having it back. Can I pop by to collect it tomorrow?"

If she's broken it or chucked it I'd expect her to contribute to the cost of a new one.

pinkyredrose · 11/11/2019 10:43

Of course you ask for it back! It's not hers to keep and was expensive.

Floralnomad · 11/11/2019 10:43

It certainly wouldn’t hurt to just ask if she still has it somewhere , but I’d do it without sounding like you are accusing her of something iyswim .

TheMidasTouch · 11/11/2019 10:44

'MIL do you still have that humidier I loaned you?'
If yes, ask for it back now and tell her you need it as you have mould and condensation in your home. If no, go out and buy another.

Specialkp · 11/11/2019 10:44

Definitely ask for it back! If she doesn't have it any longer, then it wasn't hers to get rid of and she should have asked you what you wanted to do with it first. But hopefully she still has it...

ThatMuppetShow · 11/11/2019 10:44

Why wouldn't you ask? Yes, be prepared she hasn't got it anywhere, but you would be silly not to at least ask the question.
Phrased as above is spot on.

Yoohoo16 · 11/11/2019 10:44

I would just ask for it back. Mention that you were thinking of trying a dehumidifier for the mould issue and could you have yours back.

Morgomargot · 11/11/2019 10:45

I'd ask if she still has it. You have a good reason to ask her for it so tell her why you need it. If she doesn't have it anymore then she will probably be apologetic and might offer to contribute towards a new one (I would). If she is funny with you just tell her not to worry, you just thought you would ask before buying new, chalk it up to experience and don't lend her stuff in the future.

Paintedmaypole · 11/11/2019 10:47

I would ask if you could have it back if she still has it but not make a fuss and just get a new one if she has broken or got rid of it.

phoenixrosehere · 11/11/2019 10:47

Agree with thatwasMauijustmessingaround.

You should be able to ask for it back and their suggestion was perfect.

Saying that, if I had borrowed such an item I would have returned it as soon as the problem was sorted. How long did it take the leak to be fixed?

elvis86 · 11/11/2019 10:48

Honestly some people on here seem to make absolute mountains out of molehills.

Just ask her if she still has it. Confused

If she doesn't, I think it would be unreasonable and pretty dumb to kick off about it when you've not mentioned it for literally years.

Maybe privately grumble and be more careful about lending / getting stuff back in future.

Starlet79 · 11/11/2019 10:48

Thanks all. Mil is an awkward person. I guess I could say I’m kinda scared of her reaction and I hate confrontation. My partner says no as she’s helped him out financially so let her keep it but technically this was bought by me and my grandparents before I lived with Oh... Maybe I’ll Just try explaining we are suffering from damp and ask if she still has it. She can even have it back if our problem gets better. Thankfully not a huge problem.. yet.

Also, we cannot afford to get another right now. We’ve had to spend out on so much the last month plus Christmas. But we will if I have to.

OP posts:
SunshineAngel · 11/11/2019 10:49

Definitely ask. She might have put it away and just not thought any more of it.

It would be incredibly disrespectful to break something that you had borrowed, or throw it/give it away without telling the person who lent it to you.

WorraLiberty · 11/11/2019 10:50

That's what I was thinking elvis, especially as the OP has gone into great detail about the whole history of the dehumidifier etc Confused

WorraLiberty · 11/11/2019 10:51

Maybe I’ll Just try explaining we are suffering from damp and ask if she still has it.

Well yes

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 11/11/2019 10:52

Why is this even an issue?
Ask if she still has it, it's yours.

IDrinkAndISewThings · 11/11/2019 10:55

Jings, I'm an over-thinker but you really are worrying about nothing here. You've not seen it at hers so she's clearly not using it now. They're massive heavy things to have hanging around your house, so she'd probably be grateful to be rid of it! For all you know she's cursing you for not taking it back sooner. Just ask for the thing, if she gets offended by you asking she's being an arse.

midnightmisssuki · 11/11/2019 10:56

Just ask for gods sake!

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