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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask mother in law for my item back.

44 replies

Starlet79 · 11/11/2019 10:36

A dehumidifier of all things. Have I left it too long? I’m not even sure she still has it.

A few years ago I was a single mum to my eldest. We lived in this tiny one bed flat with a huge damp problem and the landlord refused to do anything about it. But whatever that’s the point of this post. I bought a dehumidifier to help, at the time buying one was hard as like I said single mum. They are expensive and I’m pretty sure my grandparents helped me to buy it.

During my last few weeks in my old flat before moving in with OH. Mil asked if she could borrow said dehumidifier as she had a leak. She said she would bring it back.

She didn’t. I moved out and didn’t really need so I to be honest I completely forgot about it.

Years have gone by. I’ve probably left it too late to ask for it back but we are suffering from mould and condensation in our house in which we own so we need to sort the problem ourselves.

Aibu to ask for it back? OH said we will just buy new as his mum can be a bit funny about things but my grandparents paid for most of it. It was a decent one too. Surely it’s rightfully mine?

Saying that, I’ve never seen it as Mil’s house. She has probably broke or battered it.

It seems trivial worrying about it but I never gave it to her, it was lent to her.

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 11/11/2019 11:01

We bought a second hand one. Dh checked the serial number and it was under recall from the manufacturers who issued us with a brand new one!! Say you have read about this issue and need it back to be able to contact them. If it's on the list then YOU can keep the new one!

Heartburn888 · 11/11/2019 11:06

I’d ask, just say do you remember that dehumidifier I lent you ages ago, do you still have it? I’d say it to her face though incase she’s trying to keep it hostage! Chances are it’s under the stairs buried under a load of crap.

TatianaLarina · 11/11/2019 11:11

It might not still work after all this time.

Ask but don’t be surprised if it broke and got thrown away.

If you can’t afford a new one have a look on Freecycle.

Gazelda · 11/11/2019 11:11

Surely the text that *MauiJust' suggested wouldn't cause offence?

Why on earth would you scrape together money you don't have to buy a necessary household item when in all probability your MIL has your old one gathering dust in the garage?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/11/2019 11:13

'I know it's been a long time, MiL, but I could really do with that dehumidifier again - can I have it back, please?'

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/11/2019 11:31

It’s yours. Irrelevant if she’s helped your dp out. It isn’t his to give away tbh.

springcomeround · 11/11/2019 11:32

Ask if she still has it , explaining your issue with mould . If she hasn’t and she’s difficult , let it go.

RavenLG · 11/11/2019 11:38

Just ask. You're really overthinking this, unless you're going to drop a massive drip feed when you once asked for something back and she punched you in the face or something.

candycane222 · 11/11/2019 11:40

I mean - she might be glad of the space anyway?

countrygirl99 · 11/11/2019 11:41

It might be taking up space in her garage/attic with her wondering if you are ever going to take it back

Bluntness100 · 11/11/2019 11:44

How many years are we talking here?

I'd ask her if she still has it, and if not, the just say fair enough, it's been x years,and leave it at that.

Vanhi · 11/11/2019 11:57

"Hi MIL, just wondering if you still have that dehumidifier that we lent you ages ago. We need it for the flat since we have a massive damp problem at the moment."

Why can't you just say that? How awkward is she? What would happen if you bought a new one and she said "oh but your old one is stuck in my cupboard and I've been meaning to bring it back for ages". If she's an arse when you ask for it back then it's on her, not you, it's perfectly reasonable to want it back.

If she's lost/ broken it/ given it away I wouldn't ask for money though as too much time has passed now.

Honeybee85 · 11/11/2019 12:01

YANBU at all.
If anyone should feel embarrassed it’s your MIL for not giving it back to you any sooner.
The fact that she did no effort to give it back to you and you forgot about it doesn’t give her ownership of it.

saraclara · 11/11/2019 12:08

I don't get it. How can she be offended if you simply say what others have suggested?
I'd go with:

I'd text and say "I don't suppose you still have that humidifier I leant you a few years back? Our mould problem is getting worse and I'm thinking of seeing if a humidifier would help. If the old one is still working it'll save me buying new! No worries if not. Thanks!

I cant see a single word in that that could cause her to go off on one.

Cherrysoup · 11/11/2019 12:37

Just ask and yes, use the word 'suffering' from damp, then she would look like a right cow if she got funny about it.

Aridane · 11/11/2019 13:02

@thatwasMauijustmessingaround's text is perfect!

Bluetrews25 · 11/11/2019 13:03

There must be more to this, OP.
What are you so scared of?

Streamside · 11/11/2019 14:08

They're quite expensive now and they're such a useful item to have in a house. Can your husband not ask for it.

NoSauce · 11/11/2019 14:12

Years have gone by? It would have been prudent to ask for it way back if you know she can be funny. I would probably chalk it up and buy a new one and make sure I didn’t lend her anything again.

Or if you feel this strongly ask her for it back.

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