My stepdaughter and her feelings about weight gain

[Natsel84]

Hey everyone ( posting for traffic )

I have a beautiful 16 year old sd who I've been a ft step mum to for a while now. She lives me and her dad . She is the funniest person I know and luckily we get on fantastically. I just need some help /advice for her.
She think shes fat...
She is a size 10 .

What can I do or say to reassure her she is not .

For the background this time last year she was a size 6/8 . but she has flourished shes found a lovely boyfriend left school and is now working (apprenticeship). We have spoken about contraception and shes on the injection .
I've tried to explain to her that shes is growing up into a young lady and her body is changing but she just seems to think she is fat. She has put on weight in the last year but with hormones and her body changing her figure has change .

She isn't fat , she is beautiful and has a proper hourglass figure to die for

So what advice can I give her to help her feel better about herself . I just feel bad because I cant say anything to feel better about herself .

Maybe talk to her about "Longbottoming" i.e. the huge change in your physical appearance as puberty develops. She may be under the misapprehension that if she's started her periods (which I assume she has) that's it, puberty done. She may not realise that it goes on for quite a while.

What else you can do depends on her personality really. Go shipping if she enjoys it, watch some strong sportswomen in action if that's her thing, anything to let her see the variety in the female form.

At that age, all you can do is tell her she looks beautiful, and support whatever diet or exercise routine she wants to do.

I would ask her what SHE wants to feel better about herself. If she wants to do more exercise activities, why not join in? If she wants to try a diet, support it. As long as she's a healthy weight still and not getting an eating disorder, she'll remember the support you gave more than the weight loss/gain. Also, keep complimenting her on things that aren't her body specifically to keep building her up. "Oh that outfit is stunning on you!" "I love how you did your makeup" "Look at that gorgeous hair!"

When I gained weight, being told I looked beautiful still didn't help me. I needed to exercise, diet and get to a place that I felt good about myself. I appreciated when people jumped on board with me and ate healthy in solidarity.

Shopping obvs, but by all means try some logistics if that's her interest.

My daughter put on 2 stone in 9 months when she got the contraceptive implant. She’s now covered in stretch marks and her self esteem was really affected. She has now lost the weight over the last 6 months but not in a particularly healthy way.

Tell her she will look back on her 16 year old self and realise how beautiful she was.
Best enjoy it while she has it.
In regards to weight a 10 isn't big, get her involved in sports and fitness if she wants to maintain her weight and stay healthy.

Buy her Megan Crabbe's book.

If she's into Instagram, suggest she follows some amazing beautiful curvy girls like Megan or Iskra Lawrence, there's loads of em

Is her bmi OK using children's calculator. Depending on her height, particularly with today's vanity sizing a 10 might be on the larger size for a girl thT age. Size 6/8 is what dd1&2 aged15 and 19 are, and ditto their slim friends.

This is a tough one. I spent my whole youth thinking I was fat when I wasn’t and no one could convince me otherwise. I am a bit fat now but have a healthy perspective on it and feel much better about myself now than I did then. I really wouldn’t have believed anyone in those days, not a doctor, nor a personal trainer or any of my loved ones. It took up so much mental energy as well. It is a shame. I genuinely don’t know what the answer is, I just grew out of it when I matured. I know I would hate for my DD to go through it though so I hope someone else has some good advice.

Am I the only one who googled 'longbottoming' assuming it was some scientific/pseudoscientific concept I hadn't come across before...

Am I the only one who googled 'longbottoming' assuming it was some scientific/pseudoscientific concept I hadn't come across before...

Was I the only person thinking Neville ...

Putting myself in her shoes, going from size 6-8 to a 10 is real weight gain, and she is probably panicking. Why not book her an appointment with GP/practice nurse so she can be weighed and they can reassure her that her weight is normal, or even take her to be weighed yourself on the high street and then check her BMI?

An hourglass figure sounds great to me (I’m fat) but to a teenager, whose peers are often going to be sylph-like, it might - and I know you didn’t mean that - sound like “curvy”, which a teen will hear and think “fat”. 😞

Clothes size has no bearing on body composition. I’m a size 10 and in clothes I often get told I’m tiny/slim etc. But the reality when I’m naked is that I feel I’m rather flabby and wobbly. I think they call it skinny fat. Could it be something like that? I’ve tried to combat it by going to fun weight lifting classes at the gym like kettlebells and body pump. Could you do something like that with her perhaps? I think its good to encourage a healthy diet and regular exercise even if she wasn’t concerned with her weight.

Size 10 is meaningless.

How tall is she and what does she weigh?

We've really lost sight of 'normal' and clothes sizing changed forever during the vanity sizing trend of the 1990s.

So first thing to check is whether she is overweight.

This should be on the child size tables, as she is still too young for the adult ones. If you're have to tell her what you are doing, it could also be a useful opportunity to stress that she is still growing and that she might not complete puberty until age 20 or beyond.

Hormonal contraception can affect your weight and also your mental health.
Just something to be aware of- some people are far more sensitive to it than others.

It didn't take long for the "size 10 isn't slim" and "vanity sizing" posters long to turn up, did it! No wonder so many teenage girls develop eating disorders. They obviously grow up to become size 10 isn't slim posters on the internet. Bravo.

They obviously grow up to become size 10 isn't slim posters on the internet. Bravo.

It’s slim for an adult, not particularly so for a 15 year old. I teach girls of this age and the majority are probably adult size 8. Very slim indeed, purely because they haven’t had time to become fully developed, but also - to an extent - because they (typically) don’t drink, they exercise more than most adults and they have had fewer years of eating badly than most of us!

She isn’t fat at size 10 but it’s not slim for a girl of her age.

The injection is on of the worse for weight gain, maybe she could change that?

DD went through this stage at school,I got her book out and showed her that she was on the 50centile.
She said that her friends were skinnier,but they are all at different stages of development at this age.
DD is slim ,wears size about a size 10.She will stay this size really until her hips grow.Her older cousins 5-7 years older than her have been great role models for her .
Now DD is at college,not in uniform she still has that teen self consciousness but has stopped comparing herself to others.
All you can do is reassure and help her make healthy food choices.

Whatever age we are, being confronted with a wardrobe of clothes That don’t fit well (some of which are probably long-time favourites) will ram home the fact of weight gain every time we go to get dressed.

On a practical level, can you make sure this isn’t a feature of her day? Make sure she’s got nice things that fit and that she feels good in and clear out things she’s grown-out of. (And it is growing, so do refer to it in those terms. 16 year olds are supposed to develop curves that 15 year olds do not have).

She is not overweight and looks good so I would reassure her about that, but I wouldn't dismiss her concerns about having gained weight quickly. If this trend continues she may become overweight, so it's worth looking at the cause and whether she is continuing to gain weight. Is it related to her implant, or could it be a change in her routines after leaving school and what she is eating and activity levels?

What is her bmi op

She is not fat but she thinks she is. IME this is a step towards an eating disorder. Once on that road, it's hard to turn off it.

You ask what you can do. I'd say, reassure, and as PP suggested, book her into the doctor for a check and (objective) reassurance. Of course talk about bodies, how they are all shapes and sizes, and that what someone looks like is much less important than who they are.

And keep a close eye on her so that, should this get out of hand, you are aware. Sadly, for some, and it is only some, these thoughts can get out of hand. Is she an anxious person? I ask because research now suggests that underlying anxiety and eating disorders go hand in hand, so support re any anxiety might help.

Good luck: she;s lucky to have a caring concerned parent like you

It doesn't matter how many times you tell her she isn't fat, it is how she sees herself. You can maybe ask her what she sees when she looks at herself and then tell her what you see, but it wont necessarily change what she sees when she looks in the mirror. The best thing you can do is listen and support. Give some ideas of healthy diets and exercise routines she can do, maybe try doing some walking as a family, or just you and her together. If she is up for it join a class together, something like yoga, pilates or an aqua fit or something where you can have fun too. It should help boost her self esteem and let her know you support her.

Don't take advice from MN's for starters. You'll wind up giving the poor girl an eating disorder.

KatherineJaneway it does indeed refer to Neville. Or, more specifically, Matthew Lewis who played him in the film.