My stepdaughter and her feelings about weight gain

[Natsel84]

Hey everyone ( posting for traffic )

I have a beautiful 16 year old sd who I've been a ft step mum to for a while now. She lives me and her dad . She is the funniest person I know and luckily we get on fantastically. I just need some help /advice for her.
She think shes fat...
She is a size 10 .

What can I do or say to reassure her she is not .

For the background this time last year she was a size 6/8 . but she has flourished shes found a lovely boyfriend left school and is now working (apprenticeship). We have spoken about contraception and shes on the injection .
I've tried to explain to her that shes is growing up into a young lady and her body is changing but she just seems to think she is fat. She has put on weight in the last year but with hormones and her body changing her figure has change .

She isn't fat , she is beautiful and has a proper hourglass figure to die for

So what advice can I give her to help her feel better about herself . I just feel bad because I cant say anything to feel better about herself .

Clothing sizes are irrelevant a lot of the time.

She seems to have gained a significant amount of weight in a year, so that's probably what she's worried about.

You mention her hourglass figure but not her height or BMI and she may be worried that if she continues to gain weight at this rate, she'll be a lot bigger this time next year.

I'd avoid talking about looks and try to concentrate on health and fitness. 16 year olds (unless sporty) tend to take a lot less exercise than younger children who tend to dash about a lot and do PE etc.

Also, maybe consider a change of contraception?

I have the same problem with my 17 year old daughter. She is 5 foot 8, rides and cares for two ponies every day and waitresses, while have hypermobility. She is a size 10, without an inch of fat on her and muscly yet insists she is fat. Thankfully, she shows no signs of developing an eating disorder. Like your daughter, she seemed to go from being a slender child to having boobs, bum and hips in the space of a year. I think it has been a shock to her and she has needed a lot of reassurance. Just keeping being body positive with her and hope for the best. Teenagers are a mass of insecurities anyway. My daughter hasn't kept gaining weight either, she seemed to morph into the hourglass and then her weight stayed the same.

Well for a start, don't listen to the people on MN with eating disorders and weight obsessions.

Talk about the way women's bodies change during puberty (her body has probably not finished changing). Encourage her to look after her body not for the sake of how she looks but for her long-term health. Work on her self-esteem and the idea that self-worth shouldn't be connected to how you look or what clothes size you wear. Discourage her from weighing herself or dieting.

My now 18 year old was borderline anorexic at 14 and hated her body at 16, but years of the above seem to have had some impact and she now seems genuinely not to even think about how she looks or what she weighs (she's a healthy weight).

It’s the contraceptive 100%. Rapid weight gain is a known side effect and one of the reasons I won’t touch the implant.

It probably is the implant. What's her height and BMI? Size 10 might be overweight if she's 5ft nothing but underweight if she's 5'10"..
Continue to reassure her. Encourage healthy eating but not obsessively and exercise for her health, not her appearance.

Thanks for the advice everyone .

She isnt overweight for her height she is in the healthy weight range BMI etc.

I would suggest she needs to review her contraception. Going from a size 6/8 to a size 10 in a year at the same time as starting a new form of contraception isn’t normal and she is right to be worried. By the way why is she on hormonal contraception so early and not using condoms / barrier protection?

@HulksPurplePanties

That made me chuckle 😂. I wont dont worry , I've seen enough post go pear shaped over the slightest thing .

In general it may be worth considering the contraception and maybe change to another long acting method such as implant or coil. The injection is the ONLY method scientifically linked with weight gain. The injection doesn't put weight on it just increases appetite.

That made me chuckle

I wish I was being funny. Threads like this tend to attract people with major body issues and eating disorders. This one already has.

I will just say this, at her age sizes are pretty arbitrary. I went from a 4 to an 8 when I was 16/17 but my weight hardly changed. My measurements did! I grew hips and breasts and wider shoulders. I went from an adolescent body to a women's body. So those who say that 6/8 to 10 is a big jump, well....

Like her, I struggled with my new shape and I developed an eating disorder. If I'd read threads like these ones when I was that age, I'd probably be dead from anorexia now.

Tell her she's beautiful. Encourage her to do things that make her feel good about herself. Whether that's exercise or eating cake.

This thread is horrific.

OP: How do I reassure my stepdaughter about her body?

Replies: ARE YOU SURE SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY FAT TELL US HER MEASUREMENTS A SIZE 10 IS REALLY A 20

Thanks hulks . She is a happy confident young lady and I wouldn't want that to change.

@LittleGwyneth

Thank you .

All I wanted was some advice. I certainly won't be putting her body measurements on here.

For her height and weight when she was a smaller size she was in the underweight range . Now shes at a healthy weight .

All I wanted was some advice on how to make her see she isn't fat . It's sad today that people think size 10 is overweight.

Maybe it would be of she was 4 foot something but that's not the case.

@Natsel84

I would say that rather than trying to convince her that she isn't fat, it's worth talking to her about how she has value outside of her body. If she's zipping up a size 10 dress then of course she isn't fat, but in the same token would it matter if she was? Where does the fear of fatness come from? Why is she worried about it? It could be that she's struggling to bond with her new adult body - and the way that people (men) are treating her on the basis of how she looks. If you can move the conversation away from 'you're not fat' to 'you are beautiful, but that's not the most important thing about you, you would still be important and special if you were huge' that might be good x

If she's unhappy with her weight gain (and she's allowed to be - going up one or two clothes sizes in a year doesn't necessarily make you fat but is an indication you're putting on weight which you may not want to do) then it would certainly be worth her reviewing her contraception as that's often a major culprit.

Slim people feel just as disconcerted as anyone else when they realise their old clothes don't fit anymore and it doesn't mean they'll spiral into an eating disorder.

Encourage her to accept how she is now if she's open to that - perhaps you could take her shopping for some clothes that accentuate her hourglass figure - or if she wants to lose weight, help her to lose weight in a healthy way. The key thing will be to follow her lead and encourage healthy positive behaviours whichever way she wants to go.

You say she’s a size 10 but as others have pointed out that doesn’t mean very much, a size 10 now isn’t the same size as a 10 20 years ago. I’d be suggesting she changes her contraception if she’s piled it on, I’ve heard the injection is awful for weight gain. It could just be that she’s eating with her boyfriend or that she’s sat in an office all day not exercising and not realised her weight will creep up.

It’s nice you are supporting her but if she’s piled it on quickly that isn’t just growing into a woman that’s her lifestyle and she might find it’ll keep on creeping up if she doesn’t do something.

@Lockheart

Thank you . You are right it doesn't mean shes going to have an eating disorder because shes gone up a clothes size.

If she wants to loose weight then I will encourage her in the right way .

@JustGetACleaner

Thanks I think I will talk to her about her contraception injection as well. I know weight gain is a side effect.

This is why I'm asking for advice. Weight is a rocky road and its best to do something about it now .

If you had to go into 5 different shops, I can guarantee you that the size 10 varies in each and every shop which of course, makes this situation harder!
I am 100% with @HulksPurplePanties here! She is growing into a woman so chances are that is where some of going up a size is coming from and the birth control is more than likely a big factor!
Is she coming to you and saying she feels fat?

I tried the pill injection when I was around 18. It made me put on a couple of stone. I felt dreadful. It took a year but I stopped the injections and went on the mini pill, and I lost the extra weight.

Be careful how you approach it. I went through this when i gained weight at 16. Back in a time when Insta and FB weren't about for me to know size 0 was all the rage. It wasnt until my friend said id got fat that i worried and was suggested to eat healthier. Spiralled into an ed. And now im 35 and 5st 7. My liver has problems and my kidneys. I would never wish anyone this. So perhaps dont suggest diets or healthy eating. Just try to point out that there is more to life than looks & that the likes of Beyonce & Kelly Brook have been deemed some of the worlds sexiest women. During teen years we are all a little insecure. But hopefully with her apprenticeship and boyfriend she soon be more occupied with those and learn to settle in her body. With regards to contraceptive the pill never had any weight gain effect on me. As someone with an ed the only one i wouldnt of had is the injection as ive heard lots of weight gain storys. Hope u manage to help her feel better. U sound like a lovely step mum for wanting to make sure u go about it right.