CF School Mum

[TrixyaMattelodchikova]

DC (junior school age) goes to various clubs after school. This particular one in question is in the early evening and I work just half a day that day so I do pick up and drop off. I or DH always do pick up and drop off at clubs. We don’t have much family help (not moaning, just context) so we ensure our schedules work as best as we can for DC and we don’t really rely on other school parents to provide pick ups/drop offs at all.

Child in DCs class also attends this club. They’re not best friends but are friendly enough.

I’m not friends but friendly-ish with said child’s mum. She is a MLM bot and has tried and failed for years to recruit me. I think she’s finally realised I’m not interested.

The other week I drop DC off and as I’m leaving see CF dropping her child off and I wave hello.

I get home (it’s a long club and we don’t live far) to a message to ask if I can pick up her child from the club as her husband is poorly. I say fine. I’ve done it literally twice before in many years so I’m not too bothered usually but this time I was a bit miffed as she knew I had had some really horrible bad news this week so I’ve been really down and wanted to just pick DC up and get on with my evening.

I pick DC and CFsChild up. The child didn’t know I was picking up and said blithely as they got into the car “my mum probably couldn’t be bothered to pick me up”.

I drop the child off home and their teenage sibling answered the door. Child asked where their mum was and sibling said “oh she has gone to the local restaurant/bar”. I text CF and told her I had dropped Child off and to enjoy her evening. She simply responded “thanks”.

AIBU to be annoyed and feel like I’ve been taken for a mug? I’m feeling bad about my awful news so I’m not sure if I’m overreacting so need some Vipery Perspective.

I won’t be picking up the CFChild in future let me tell you that for nothing!

She'd probably made arrangement to go out to the restaurant and her DH was going to pick the child up.

He was poorly so she asked you to do it.

I honestly couldn't get fussed about it in a million years.

And since when is going to a restaurant 'going out on the piss'?

I do think you're coming across as unfairly judgemental here.

I know the whole 'CF' is a 'thing' on Mumsnet for some reason, but she really doesn't fit the 'CF' moniker here.

I don't see the issue or where the MLM Bot comes into it. She had arrangements, sounds like her DP was on school run duty but became ill. As you were already going she thought she'd ask you rather than cancel her plans.

Why is she cheeky? Because she went out instead of picking her child up? That’s normal isn’t it? I get asked to do favours for people, i couldn’t give a rat’s arse if they ask me because they can’t be bothered/are planning on getting steaming/running away to join the circus. I have the option of saying no if I want. I am also firmly in the camp of doing favours as much as I can (and people typically reciprocate) it costs nothing and it took only minutes out of your own day.

Sorry about your news op but you lost perspective here. You obviously don't like this person and it's clouded your judgement.

Sorry about your bad news.

This doesn't qualify for CF status, at least not in terms of what anyone who frequents MN now expects from CF threads. If I open a CF-titles thread, I expect to be left like this: for my money, nowadays.

Next time, just say no. No biggie.

I can't see any reason to call her a CF.

I don't think she was being unreasonable for not wanting to delay going out for an hour in order to do the pickup. She just asked you a favour.

If she did this repeatedly, then it would be different.

Sorry to hear its been a difficult week for you OP.

Very cheeky. Never do it again

I couldn’t get majorly worked up about this. It was possibly an mlm bonding thing, which she considers work. I think you are perhaps putting a lot of weight onto the can’t bring bothered statement from the child. Maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s just kids stuff.

I don't think she's being a CF at all. Maybe her DH was ill - there is nothing in your post that suggests he wasn't.

I wouldn't take too much notice of her DC saying she couldn't be bothered - kids say stuff like that all the time, it doesn't mean anything.

What does it matter that she was in a restaurant? Clearly you knew she had some other plans when she asked if you could pick her DC up. The fact she was in a restaurant doesn't mean she was out on the piss - she could have had a meeting, been seeing a client, going for a job interview, meeting up with a friend who has just had bad news, etc

She didn't know you had had a bad week and asking you (as a one off) if you could pick her child up from somewhere you were going to anyway wasn't cheeky at all. You were at liberty to say no.

Something similar-ish happened to me on Friday. DH was meant to pick up kids but his car broke down. Meanwhile I had planned to go to dinner with my friend who I hadn’t seen for a year. I was very keen to keep that arrangement and happily gp stood in at the last minute.

Maybe something similar happened to her and she was meeting someone she didn’t want to miss?

It's fine to be community minded, car pool and save the planet. However, it's not OK to be the person doing that for others. It only works of you get out your diary and say I'll do it on X, Y and Z day and the other person comes up with their equal share. If she doesn't then she is a CF'er.

Thanks guys. Just to clarify she did know what had happened this week. And yes, I don’t like her. I’ll accept that part of me is being U.

I can never find myself getting excited about this sort of thing. You go anyway, why not approach with a you take them and I'll pick them up idea? Yes she was chancing it- and not even subtly about it- but I think your Le embellishing the sons response- his mother had asked you twice to give him a lift- his mother usually picks him up- so she's hardly 'not bothered' if you don't want to- don't. But don't let it rile you up- theses no need for that.

"Kids say stuff like that all the time, it doesn't mean anything."

What a idiotic thing to say! Kids have feelings, kids notice things by picking on your responses, so from what this child is saying is she doesn't feel piroty to her mother. Very obvious the mothets behaviour- choosing to go out for dinner over picking up her child and ESPECIALLY lying so you don't have to cancel.

It's a bit different to you stealing a pizza!

There is nothing in the OP's posts to say the woman was lying about her husband being ill

She was going out to a restaurant. The DH was supposed to be picking the child up. She asked the OP if she could pick her child up instead because he's ill. The OP agreed.

I’m not embellishing what the child said, those were the exact words they said to me in my OP.

I think if she said that she had plans and her husband was ill that would be fine. It’s the omission of the fact she was going out that made me think she was being a CF.

Anyway. I’m listening to those saying I’m being U. Thanks for all responses.

I can see what you mean op - if you had been asked to collect because she said she had plans and her husband was ill then you could have said yes or no with all the information. I think you felt misled.

Hope your week improves and ignore any future requests from her 💕

If it isn't very out of my way I don't mind helping another parent out. You never know when you might have to call in a favour yourself.

It’s the omission of the fact she was going out that made me think she was being a CF.

Eh? If she hadn't got plans or another appointment surely that would have made her a cf There is absolutely no evidence of cfery. She and her DH had an arrangement that he would pick dc up. Dh was ill so couldn't. So she asked you ....

I'm honestly not getting the problem other than you don't like her.

Imagine you turning up at her house to drop off dc and she was just sitting at homw drinking a glass of wine. That would make her a cf in my book