CF School Mum

[TrixyaMattelodchikova]

DC (junior school age) goes to various clubs after school. This particular one in question is in the early evening and I work just half a day that day so I do pick up and drop off. I or DH always do pick up and drop off at clubs. We don’t have much family help (not moaning, just context) so we ensure our schedules work as best as we can for DC and we don’t really rely on other school parents to provide pick ups/drop offs at all.

Child in DCs class also attends this club. They’re not best friends but are friendly enough.

I’m not friends but friendly-ish with said child’s mum. She is a MLM bot and has tried and failed for years to recruit me. I think she’s finally realised I’m not interested.

The other week I drop DC off and as I’m leaving see CF dropping her child off and I wave hello.

I get home (it’s a long club and we don’t live far) to a message to ask if I can pick up her child from the club as her husband is poorly. I say fine. I’ve done it literally twice before in many years so I’m not too bothered usually but this time I was a bit miffed as she knew I had had some really horrible bad news this week so I’ve been really down and wanted to just pick DC up and get on with my evening.

I pick DC and CFsChild up. The child didn’t know I was picking up and said blithely as they got into the car “my mum probably couldn’t be bothered to pick me up”.

I drop the child off home and their teenage sibling answered the door. Child asked where their mum was and sibling said “oh she has gone to the local restaurant/bar”. I text CF and told her I had dropped Child off and to enjoy her evening. She simply responded “thanks”.

AIBU to be annoyed and feel like I’ve been taken for a mug? I’m feeling bad about my awful news so I’m not sure if I’m overreacting so need some Vipery Perspective.

I won’t be picking up the CFChild in future let me tell you that for nothing!

Is it cheeky though? She said her dh was ill. I would assume she had a planned night out and he was meant to pick up but as he was feeling ill she thought she would ask you if you minded. If it bothers you so much just make sure you ask her to return the favour soon. Im not seeing the cheek in this request 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yanbu and at least you know to say no in the future to any requests. I think those who stick with MLM tend to be thick skinned and often CF.

Sorry about your bad news.

I would hate to live in a community where parents didn’t share lifts to activities (unless they are activities where the parents are involved eg swimming lessons for younger kids who need help changing) or felt they couldn’t ask for a favour. It’s actually quite ridiculous for a car to required to collect each child and drive in the same direction

I'd have assumed the ill husband was the one doing the pickup as she had plans. I don't see cheeky fuckery here, you could have said no.

I'm not new here wtf is a MLM bod?

MLM is Multi Level Marketing so effectively a pyramid scheme like Arbonne, Forever Living and such rubbish.

Thanks Orange

It’s just a lift, not even worth thinking about.

I'm not so sure she's a massive CF. If she wasn't supposed to be doing pick up because her DH was as she had plans but now he couldn't because he was ill, I can see why she asked. Now if you had said her and her DH were both out then I'd say CFer for sure.

I used to have one on my street who told her kids to get in my car to come back from a club. They actually said, "Mum said you have to take us home".

I refused after that. How rude. It's not my fault she didn't drive and the club wasn't compulsory. I worked bloody hard and paid for my driving and just because I was driving to the same place I wasn't their free taxi.

You sound very uptight. If I’m picking up dc always happy to give lifts seems mad for 3 sets of parents to all get car out and trek off to same location why not one just drop them all back

That said, I regularly do car pooling with another mum for another club and between us we both drive a non-driver's child there and back too but that's because it's an agreement between us, pre arranged and actually appreciated, not demanded.

I’m sorry for your bad news.

I agree with the others that probably ill dh was due to pick up child. However, she could have explained that she had a night out planned, and could you pick up dc this time. She also should have told dc that you were picking him/her up.

As it’s a one-off occasion, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. If it happens regularly, then she’s a cf.

Don't burn your bridges. Yes, at the moment you don't need any help but going forward there might be times when it would be helpful for friend to drop off/pick up your DC.

Over the years we've exchanged all sorts of lifts with parents depending on circumstances. Unless you're driving miles out of your way I would offer the lift - these things have a way of working out when the majority of parents are reasonable.

" I'd rather drag myself out when unwell to pick my dc up than ask another parent for a favour."

Sometimes I think we all get too reluctant to ask favours. As others have said, it reduces the congestion if people car-pool, and I also think there's a bit of false pride in never asking for help. I've often been reluctant to ask a favour of someone before they've asked me for one, but somebody has to be the first. There are a number of mums (and others) I have traded favours with - we've never kept records, but it's probably worked out overall. Possibly I've done slightly more of the after-school/holidays hosting, as I work from home, but I don't mind at all as they're no trouble. We only have one car so have probably needed lifts a little more.

I'm more bothered about the child feeling like his or her mother can't be bothered with him/her enough to verbalise it .

I’m sorry you’ve had bad news, OP. It has probably affected how you’ve reacted to her, because you need to vent and such a small thing can be magnified when you’re under stress. I hope you feel able to talk here about your bad news, if you think it will help, or start a new thread.

She's clearly got form after her teenager response - she's a CF just say no in future

Collecting child 3 times in many years hardly makes the mum a CF.

If it bothers you so much, then say no.

You can at least content yourself that the fact she has no time to be bothered with her child but still can’t afford proper after-school Childcare totally vindicates your decision not to get sucked into her MLM scheme.

The fact the child has picked up on her behaviour speaks volumes of how she is.. how awful for the child to feel like that! So no YANBU... I'd be saying no next time!

P.s sorry to hear you have had some bads news. I hope not to serious. Make time for yourself and family. If it is an emotional time for you I would be saying no, self-care is very important!

It's call car pulling

Car pooling, I think you'll find

Can I just say not to believe everything children say?
I caught my teenage son telling his friend he saw me eat his leftover pizza... I’m coeliac so absolutely impossible. No reason for the lie!

I don’t think she was cf at all really, wouldn’t do it personally but wouldn’t be bothered about it myself! We do have a nice community round here though

Thanks for the responses!

Yes I am probably am uptight but given what’s happened this week I think it’s understandable. Sorry I’m being vague about that, it’s just too raw right now to explain.

In response re: car pooling we usually walk to this activity (i don’t like using the car if I can help it for non essential trips to be healthy and environmentally friendly) but it was a particularly rainy dark evening and DC desperately wanted to go to the activity after the week we’ve all had.

They live about a 20 minute walk from us.

I was thinking after I posted why it has (slightly) annoyed me is that she could have delayed going out on the piss for one hour to pick up her kid because that is what I would do but I understand not everyone is like that. She wasn’t going to a meeting or anything and she said the reason why is that her husband was ill not because she was going out. I’m not going to lose sleep anyway so thanks for the perspective everyone.

Am I missing something here? I’m assuming she had plans not just buggered off out for a pint. Maybe she was meeting up with friend’s and didn’t want to break her plans Eva use her husband was ill. No harm in asking and you were free to say no and chose not to! Not sure how she’s been cheeky or taking the piss!!