That I can't help if she won't talk to me?

[Linsters]

OK, so apologies in advance that this is one of 'those' topics, so please be careful about what you share, and I'll be similarly vague for obvious reasons.

DD is 11, in Y6 at school and NT. Very bright, fiercely independent and we usually have an excellent, very open relationship even when it comes to talking about things that may be embarrassing etc.

She makes her own way home from school, and changes out of her uniform when she gets in. Earlier in the school year I found her clothes in the basket were wet, and asked her about it, but she clammed up and wouldn't say anything. I figured she'd just had an accident and was embarrassed, understandable. But we all get caught short, so I said nothing more.

The same happened on Friday, and again she denied it. This is what has been playing on my mind, because as I said we are usually so open, so now I'm worried about whats the matter and why she won't talk to me so that I can help.

It's so totally out of character, both the accidents - she's not had one to my knowledge since she was maybe 7 at most - and also being so shy and coy about it. I don't want to hound her about something that must be embarrassing, but at the same time I can't help if something is wrong unless I know. :(

Has she started her period maybe ?

Maybe she isn't being caught short.
Maybe there is some form of bullying going on - bullies throwing water at her, or ink or stuff she is washing out ..?

I would be worried. Perhaps talk to her firm tutor to see if there’s anything going on at school as a first step.

Ask about the set up of the school loos. Our school has no main door. Just doors on the cubicles. Episodes of phone camera under a door isn't unusual sadly..
Dc can get a loo pass issued. Ask for one ASAP.

Since this is your first post, you might not know that there’s a prolific troll that posts about peeing.

Posters should be wary about sharing personal stories.

Thanks everyone.

Without giving unnecessary detail (I'm aware of the perv/troll), she has unfortunately definitely wet herself on both occasions, rather than anything else, but it's the what has caused it I can't be sure of, and she just clams up when I've tried to raise the subject.

I'll try to have a chat with her again before bed, and talk to school tomorrow too, although I'm conscious that she may not want her teacher to know and it may embarrass her even more.

@purpledaisies Did you miss the op's first paragraph? She's obviously name changed too.

No I didn’t. Posters need to consider who frequents the sure when they’re sharing personal stories.

^sure = site

Can you get a urine sample to the doctor? Just to write off an infection being the issue

Apart from that I'd suggest fear could cause frequent wettings. Definitly speak to school

Does she have any UTI troubles?

Absolutely agree to please be careful what you share, that's why I'm being quite vague myself, and also the reason for anonymity.

No UTI or other waterworks issues so far as I'm aware, not something she's ever had problems with. PT'd at a typical age, as mentioned not an accident prone kid at all, nothing more than a rare wet bed growing up.

Not sure it is frequent? To the best of my knowledge its just been the twice, I've never found anything any other time, but she's not open to the idea of talking to me, which is so out of character and what has me worried. Other than this, she's her normal happy self.

I'll give the GP a ring tomorrow and try to find a way to discreetly chat to school too.

There's something called giggle incontinence, maybe it could be that?

Do you think it's something sinister op? Could you speak to the rspcc and see what they suggest about talking to her?

My first thought was bullying

My first thought was also bullying 😢

Not to alarm you but I had a child doing this. Is your child drinking a lot, loosing weight. Tired and lethargic?? If so get her checked for type one diabetes. I ignored the problem as thought my child was being bullied until she was in DKA. Please take her GP.

Before I put myself on the pill to ensure I knew exactly when it was due, I used to get taken by surprise of the arrival of the monthlies as it was erratic.

If it's that, she may be the same and have had to try and rinse out to avoid staining.

OK, so things came to a head in the most awful way today, as a result of us oversleeping (of all things!). But we do St least have some answers now, along with an embarrassed DD but one who has a plan in place moving forward.

As I said, we unfortunately overslept this morning and as a result there was a mad rush to get to school and work without being too late. In the flap, DD skipped going to the loo, and only remembered and told me she hadn't in the car on the way to dropping her at school. Thinking nothing of it, I just said to go when we got there before she joined her class.

Fast forward to late morning, just before their lunch time, I got a call from school asking could I pick DD up as she'd had an accident and was terribly upset. They'd sorted her a change of clothes, but she wanted me and wouldn't calm down.

I dashed to the school where she broke down completely. We finally managed to have that open talk I'd been hoping for, and it turns out that whilst she hasn't yet started her period, a couple of the other girls in Y6 have, and there was whispering between lots of them about who had and whether they were changing sanpro etc. when in the toilets. DD was embarrassed by people thinking this, so she's not been using the toilets at school at all this year!

From what she said, she's mostly been fine until getting home, but there have been a handful of times that she didn't quite make it. I knew about a couple, but she must have done a better job of hiding things the other times.

Bless her, she was absolutely mortified by what happened today - I've taken the blame, as if I hadn't overslept then she wouldn't have had to go through that, but then again I guess she'd still be struggling through her days in discomfort too.

Her teacher is going to speak to the class about the whispering to reassure everybody that they don't have to worry about using the toilet, and she's also promised DD that she can always use the accessible single loo or ask to go during the lesson if she's more comfortable doing that, although she's confident she can stamp out the silliness.

Lots of cuddles and hot chocolate were the order of the day this evening, along with another long chat reminding her that she really can talk to me about anything and how it would probably have been less embarrassing to tell me about her worries before she wet herself.

Ah well, child logic I guess.

Poor wee soul! At least you’ve got to the bottom of it but please reassure her it’s more common than you’d think - lots of youngsters hate going to the loos in school so can lead to discomfort & accidents at times.

Absolutely. Really feel for her, what happened today must have been so embarrassing for her. But she's always been so independent, and was just dealing with her worries in her own way.

It's definitely dented her confidence a bit :( But hopefully with reassurance and now there are things in place it should be a little easier for her. Hoping she's OK going in tomorrow and the other kids don't give her a hard time, it was heartbreaking seeing her so upset.

I'm not used to teary mornings. 😢

DD hasn't been clingy like that since she first started in reception. The only way I was able to convince her to go into school was by agreeing to let her take a change of uniform in her bag 'just in case' anything should happen, but with lots of reassurance that nothing will and that she will be fine.

She was up 3 times in the night to use the loo too. Not because she actually needed to go, but because she was worried about having an accident. She's not wet the bed for years, and never normally gets up at all, but I could tell she was worried and unsettled. :(

One of her friends met us in the playground this morning and gave her a hug, which was lovely, so I'm hoping they're going to rally around her today, but I guess only time will tell. Really hoping the teacher having a little chat today with them all will help and put an end to the problem, because I'd guess not only DD was feeling that way.

Well she made it through the day, and other than still being a bit more quiet and withdrawn than usual she's got a little bit of her spark (and her cheek!) back.

I've deliberately not talked to her about it much as I'm sure she's been embarrassed enough the past couple of days, just checked with her (and the teacher) to make sure nobody had made any cruel comments, and it seems not. I'm sure plenty has been said between the other kids, but none of it has reached either DD or her teachers ears.

Here's hoping that there will be no more repeats.

Awwww bless her wee soul!!

I've a y7 DS but this is exactly the kind of daft child logic I can imagine from him too!

At least hopefully now you both feel better

We made it to the weekend without further incident, but what happened at school has definitely rattled her. :( She's still really unsettled, up in the night and her teacher has commented that things have gone to the other extreme in school and rethe than avoiding the loos she's now asking to be excuses during lessons at least once each day.

Having had a chat, she's admitted that most of the time it's not because she actually needs to go, but she's just so afraid of having another accident as it was so embarrassing for her. 😢

I'm really hoping that she's start to regain some of her confidence once she realises that there's no reason for anything like that to ever happen to her again.