To want to burst out crying?

[HouseCoatAndPopSocks]

But I can’t as I’m devoid of emotion.
I’m sick of myself. I drink heavily 4 nights out of 7 meaning I have a hangover every Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning. These means I feel like shit all weekend. I’m fat (probably because of the drinking) my skin is awful and my hair is just unspeakable. I’m constantly scruffy as my clothes are shit. I have the money to buy new clothes but 1) I can’t be bothered and 2) I think what’s the point because I’m an absolute state anyway.

I’ve given up my hobbies meaning all I do now is go to work and then play on the Sims. I have no friends.

Last night i only ate a few chips and a bite out of my burger and DH threw it away as he didn’t think I wanted it. So yesterday I ate half a tub of vegetable soup and the rest of my calories came from alcohol.

AIBU to wish I could stick myself in boot camp for 6 months? I feel like I need someone else to sort me out yet I know that is unreasonable. I’m on the autistic spectrum too so I feel like nobody understands me.

Get rid of the sims for a start. You need to completely change your evenings so the triggers aren’t the same.

You definitely need to get rid of the sims. It sounds like you become obsessed and can’t stop playing it so maybe you need to go cold turkey. I get that socialising is hard and taxing but it sounds like the hobby does you good. Could you get your dh onboard? Also, stop buying the alcohol. My dh is the one responsible for buying junk food in our house. I’ve locked it in a cupboard and it’s a bit too much effort to go and get something out the lockable cupboard.

Would DH support you if you asked for no alcohol to be in the house? Do you have a job, I'm thinking can you go straight to hobby after work on Thursdays rather than go home. I know how hard it can be to find the motivation to leave the house again once you're in and comfy.

Think about what you can change immediately. You can shop online for clothes. Just get some basics, trousers/skirts, some plain tops and new underwear. You can clear out your existing clothes. Tbh I wouldn't split out charity shop or selling stuff, don't give yourself the added hassle as an excuse to not do it. Bag it up for one of the clothes recycling bins they have at supermarkets or take it to a clothes for cash place who give you money per kilo of fabric.

Have a good long shower or bath and put plenty of conditioner on your hair. Comb it through and rinse really well. Don't rub it too much with a towel and leave it to dry by itself. Arrange an appointment to get it tidied up, no need for a dramatic change or anything, just explain to the stylist that you aren't sure what you'll be doing with it so at the moment it just needs to be neat and clean.

Get rid of The Sims. Box up the entire computer if need be. Same idea as the drinking, if it's not there you can't use it.

You sound very self-aware, admitting the problem is always the first step. Find a local AA meeting and go to it.

Good luck OP, I really hope you manage to kick this and turn your life around.

Definitely ditch Sims as that seems to be the link. You say you work so is there any social activity around that you can join in with - run by work or informally going out after work? It’s an easy way to start socialising as you already know the people.
Try and go back to your hobby as well if you enjoy it once there. Hard to motivate in the winter especially but think hobby equals no drinking.
I don’t drink much but I get bored easily and it’s not easy to find a ‘hobby’ unless you have a specific interest or talent so if you have one in place already, that’s a start.

If you’re not craving the alcohol, could you try switching to alcohol free? I Can’t drink much so I have nanny state, becks blue and peroni libera, they are all nice and you could try having them in the house instead of normal beer. Even if you still game, you won’t have the hangover and then it might be easier to start doing other things at the weekend.

You seem to be saying you feel numb and uninterested in things - you could be depressed. I’d tell the GP about it all and if they think it’s depression would you consider anti-depressants? They can really help you out of feeling like this.

Exercise could really help too but I know it’s hard to make yourself go. I like swimming because it’s exercise but also the feeling of it clears my head and helps me feel better. Or just being somewhere outdoors and in nature.

Agree with others you are doing the right thing to recognise it and talk about it in here. Things can change

I think your husband needs to stop enabling this by giving you alcohol. In fact, you really need to go cold turkey by not having alcohol in the house. How would he feel about that? If he's against it I think you've got deeper issues than just the alcohol and the Sims. If he's for it, then great. No alcohol in the house, stop buying it.

Next step go to the doctor and tell them you have an alcohol problem. You won't be able to fix this on your own, and I think offloading it to a professional will make you feel better. They will also be able to get the ball rolling with next steps.

I'm not with those who suggest getting rid of Sims at this moment. I think the alcohol is the bigger problem, and I think trying to tackle two addictions at the same time is going to result in you having a much much harder time. The alcohol is the most damaging, get a head start with that.

There's a major overlap between untreated adhd and addiction. But I suspect you already know that.

Get rid of this game. Or tell your DH to lock in your computer. Couldturkey is imo fairly useful. I use it when I need to do something (ok my computer) I'm extremely adverse to doing....

What else... Could you ask your DH to stop drinking and to start spending his time with you? You could play a board game instead. Together... And he should obviously stop drinking as well. Why is there even alcohol in the house? You have a major issue with alcohol / addiction. You deserve to live in an alcohol free home.

You sound exactly as I did in the middle of my depression.

I got to the point that I thought I either kill myself or change.

You need to go to the doctors about this. I would start off doing an NHS depression quiz. The doctor will do the same with you and assess the best course of action.

It will get better you just need time.

It’s been just over a year for me and I’ve lost six stone as well as turned my life around.

Op, you do need some help. A good psychotherapist-counsellor would be able to guide you into a different way of thinking. Do look them up in your area, you'll be presented with a list of therapists & a resume of their training, experience and specialties (eg depression, anxiety, past abuse, alcohol dependency, infertility, bereavement....). You can also email them and ask any questions.

Please do consider that before things get too bad.

As you can go without booze it doesn't sound as though you are an alcoholic - yet - but the drink is a problem and your drinking could escalate causing severe health problems. You already feel unwell, unkept and depressed about it.

All the very best to you, it's possible to climb out of the quagmire, I have known people in your position who have got over it but it took a determined effort.

I would also look into getting treatment for your suspected adhd and what may be depression.

Treating our adhd has made all the difference for me and my twin sister.

No, you are not being unreasonable to want to burst out crying. That sounds like a sad and frustrating pattern of behaviour.
The solution may be simple and straightforward (stopping drinking and playing computer games) but it is NOT easy. Easy and simple are not the same thing. Actually often the fact that we can see exactly what we should do a problem makes it harder. It means that you get trapped in a cycle of berating yourself because you know WHAT you should do but you cannot make yourself do it. You definitely don’t sound devoid of emotion. Your frustration and upset are perfectly clear from your post.

You seem to have broken the problem down into its constituent parts pretty well. Weight/appearance/drink/hangover inertia/gaming/loneliness etc and the challenge now is to pick one or two to things to try and change which might then have a positive knock-on effect on the other things. You say that people don’t understand you because you have ASD but you have expressed yourself very well here in writing. Do you think that some groups that get you out of the house like weightwatchers/slimming world Oran alcohol support group might help? It would be challenging but the other attendees would recognise your struggles and there would be support and sympathy and it would take you out of the house and away from the computer. How sympathetic is your partner?

Sorry posted on wrong thread, have reported to get it deleted.

You can go to AA. They will help you. If you can't drive then someone will pick you up and take you to a meeting. You don't have to talk when you get there. Good luck. Well done for acknowledging the problem.

If most of your calorie comes from alcohol, you're likely malnourished whatever your weight is. Please try to add healthy foods to your diet as part of your plans.

Also... As it's Sunday, what else could you do this evening that means you don't drink, so you can start the week with a clear head?

Is it hangovers, or is it alcohol withdrawal? There is a distinct difference. What cans are you drinking? 3.5% or high strength Special Brew/Tennants/Random Craft Beers? Neither are good, but the latter suggests you ned to access help for a safe detox.

Get rid of the games first of all. Delete them, get rid, whatever they are played on.

Have a bath or shower.

And eat.

Do go to your GP and please try AA , which I think would help with all your addictive behaviours and also your social isolation. Address one thing at a time.bYou aren't happy with your weight at the moment but you can get a new harcut and buy a few nice clothes. First things first, if you do something about the drinking other things will start to improve. Try to discipline yourself to do one nice thing for yourself every day and one thing for mastery ( something you don't want to do that you have been putting off). Start small, I hope things begin to improve.

I think this is depression OP, exacerbated by ADHD possibly? You are addicted to that behaviour, not the alcohol. However, the "treatment" initially is the same - you need support, to put your life back in order.

What's the back story? Do you have DCs? How old are you, is your DH supportive, does he realise you are unhappy, are you functioning ok in work, do you have friends and family etc?

We need to know a lot otherwise people are just going to keep coming on saying AA and lose weight.

You say that you are anxious socially about going to your hobby, but when you get there you feel better. Could you try focussing on the 'knowing you feel better' when you get there instead and build on that, to motivate yourself to go.
You've identified your triggers, so perhaps look at doing something different on your other free nights - maybe with your husband. What do you do Monday - Wednesday ?

Message me. I can help have all of the same issues and Asperger's. I know what it's like.

You spoke about wanting to go somewhere. Would you be able to book a peaceful retreat? Somewhere you can go and get some space for a few days and to break the game/alcohol cycle. I agree it sounds like you're depressed

Thank you for all the advice and support. I’ve just had a shower and washed my mop so I’m catching up with the thread now.

It’s a weird behaviour pattern I have. I don’t play on the sims Monday to Wednesday as I can’t play on it without drinking ... and I don’t drink Monday to Wednesday. I know how odd this sounds and I can’t explain it myself ... so I’m not addicted to the game or the alcohol ... I think I’m addicted to the schedule ... the combination of both and habit of the days of the week.

Monday to Wednesday I sit bored as I don’t watch TV and won’t play on the sims as it’s the wrong days to play it. I COULD go to my hobby on Tuesday nights so I think this would be a good starting point. That would mean I’m at my hobby Tuesday and Thursday nights. (It’s physical, martial arts).

DH does not support an alcohol free house.

First thing - what is your husband's relationship with alcohol? He may drink less than you but does he drink every day or drink in secret?

I know how odd this sounds and I can’t explain it myself ... so I’m not addicted to the game or the alcohol ... I think I’m addicted to the schedule ... the combination of both and habit of the days of the week.

That's actually not true.

Many people who are alcohol dependent can have days where they dont.

Some go weeks.

It could be schedule based. But not doing something some days, doesnr mean you definitely are not addicted to it.