Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH strop because I advised he's going to be late for work..

62 replies

Fizzbombs · 09/11/2019 22:02

OH has a new job. In his previous job he developed a habit of being late to the point it was addressed by his superiors. There was no real reason for lateness other than simply taking the mick because it was a generally relaxed environment.

He has been in his new job a little over a month, working the late shift from 10pm.

9.45 comes and he's still relaxing in the house, he's had 10 hours sleep so isn't tired. I tell him he's going to be late and does he not think it's a good idea to make a point of being punctual with this job as they're not going to stand for more of the same.

Visibly annoyed, he says "for god sake I might aswell just stay at work"

I ask what he's talking about and he said "well, you're making me feel bad for being a few minutes late" and left in a huff.

Was I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 09/11/2019 22:26

Does he think he’s too good for the job?

pugparty · 09/11/2019 22:29

Maybe he's hoping for an Office Space style outcome @AnneLovesGilbert!

maria1947 · 09/11/2019 22:29

Don't mean to hijack your thread, but my ex got a warning as he'd stroll in 10-15 mins late all week and was so angry when he got a warning!

I remember being shocked as he said when I asked him why that they were lucky he went in at all! No, your lucky to have a job. But his attitude showed in different areas, he thought as he'd been there so long they should let him off.

Wolfiefan · 09/11/2019 22:34

He doesn’t want to work. He’s picked an easy option and is choosing to be late and will then complain when he’s disciplined or sacked. You can’t rely on him or his income.

Mothership4two · 09/11/2019 22:36

So he was going to be at least 15 minutes late and became huffy because you pointed this out? He was being a knob. YANBU.

PickAChew · 09/11/2019 22:40

You've said you live together but please tell me you don't have a family with this infantile waste of space.

Weenurse · 09/11/2019 22:40

This would stress me out.
I am always punctual.
I could not live like this.
Good luck, I have no suggestions.

Streamside · 09/11/2019 22:41

It's hard to know if you're enabling him ie:I'm curious to know how long he would wait before leaving if you didn't remind him. It's not a relationship I'd want and it's putting you in a bizarre situation.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 09/11/2019 22:55

He's behaving like a child (and a young one, my primary age child can get ready for school on time). He doesn't deserve the job if he's sitting about watching TV when he should be leaving in order to get there on time. It's hugely rude and disrespectful to his employers, his colleagues and you and I doubt he'll keep the job for long. Does he manage to catch buses and trains on time? If he does, then he can manage to get to work on time too.

Beveren · 09/11/2019 22:59

I'm guessing it's something like a security job. If his being late means that a colleague can't leave on time at the end of his shift, he'll soon find himself out of a job.

EskewedBeef · 09/11/2019 23:01

He'll make himself unpopular with colleagues, and his card will be marked. He needs to find a job he actually gives a shit about, or he'll forever be moving from one workplace to another.

Preggosaurus9 · 09/11/2019 23:05

He sounds like he's either thick as pig shit or has some sort of mental health issue. Either way how embarassing for you to put up with this manchild.

I'd be blasting out the final countdown or something equally sarcastic at the time he ought to leave e.g. 9.15pm and refuse to turn it down/off to force him out the house.

If he strops simply inform him if he acts like a child he gets treated like a child. Twat.

Pipsandpops · 09/11/2019 23:11

It's just work, strangely enough he's never late for activities with friends or other appealing arrangements

Until you posted this update I was all set to say it sounds like us trying to get ASD DS Out to go to school/work experience/gym club/scouts BUT DS enjoys out of school activities yet still can’t get ready in time. Your OH is just an arse and will probably blame everyone else when he loses his job.

Potnoodledoo · 09/11/2019 23:16

How far away is his work if hes still in the house at 9.45.He should be at work at that stage anyway.

Original poster
Fizzbombs · 09/11/2019 23:20

It's something like a security job, although not exactly. Sorry for being vague I've already NC as I have friends who use the forum and don't want to out myself.

No idea what time he would have left had I not said something, probably not before 10.

God knows why he's taking it for granted, like rightly mentioned there are many people looking for a job and he could be replaced in a day.

He's a hard worker in general so it's not his work ethic persay, but his punctuality.

He has never been without a job and would be quite depressed if he suddenly were, which is why the mind boggles as to his lax attitude to time keeping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fizzbombs · 09/11/2019 23:20

Work is 30 mins away in good traffic

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 09/11/2019 23:24

Is the job quite lax/ flexible around timekeeping? My DH previously worked a job where most people worked 9-5 but you could arrive anytime up to 10am and as long as you worked your 8 hours (so if you arrived at 10am you left at 6pm) that was fine. It might be your DP knows it won’t matter if he’s late and that he can make the time up at the end of his shift which could explain why he doesn’t rush to leave so he arrives dead on 10?

Seeingadistance · 09/11/2019 23:26

How many jobs has he had?

I’d be amazed if he keeps this one as it seems he was planning on being at least 30 minutes late.

I couldn’t be doing with someone like that, tbh, so arrogant and with so little regard for anyone other than himself.

Original poster
Fizzbombs · 09/11/2019 23:27

His last job was like that to a degree, but not to the extent that he pushed it.

The new job hours aren't negotiable and are set in stone so I've no doubt he'll soon find himself out on his ear if he tries the same at this place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fizzbombs · 09/11/2019 23:33

He's hand a handful of jobs over the past fifteen years and has always had good feedback, promotions. He's not a lazy bloke and when he's at work he works hard.

The bad time keeping began with his last job which I mentioned was quite relaxed.

He got into a habit of being able to stroll in late because he knew he could, then eventually the superiors said he was taking the piss a bit too much.

That wasn't the reason for the change of job though, he went for the new one because of better prospects and pay.

My concern is he's still stuck in the mindset of it being no problem if he's late, as long as it's not too late which is obviously utter bollocks.

He has been cutting it fine on other occasions since starting the new job but tonight is the first time he has been late.

He might assume I'm over reacting as it's not yet a habit of being late here, but my concern is him falling back into old ways iyswim.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 09/11/2019 23:33

I hope he's not taking over from someone else as that's just taking the absolute piss out of his colleague. He won't endear himself to anyone

madcatladyforever · 09/11/2019 23:33

He sounds like a lazy self indulgent cretin to me. You deserve better. If he was my employee I'd fire him.

Nanny0gg · 09/11/2019 23:48

If he's still on probation he's really asking for trouble.

Beveren · 10/11/2019 00:12

Whatever he does, surely by being late he's assuming that his colleagues will do the work he's not there to do? Does he really think that's fair on them?

notapizzaeater · 10/11/2019 00:15

Does someone have to wait till he turns up ? Does he then have to wait in the morning ? How would he feel if he couldn't go because the next one was late ?