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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to say something if I see this man again?

28 replies

Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 10:00

Yesterday I hurt my back, was unable to walk without holding onto things, couldn't bend etc. This morning I took some co-codamol and did the school run, which is a 20-30 minute walk each way, having to avoid getting jostled or having to sidestep people.
On the walk back a man was approaching me and evidently wanted me to move, I was walking close to the curb and he was more in the centre of the pavement but he veered so he was walking right at me whilst glaring at me! I put my head down and kept on course, he moved at the last second but I had to lean my shoulder back to avoid being knocked into the road. If he had knocked me and forced me to step off the curb my back would of given out and left me stuck on a busy road with cars going 40mph.

Would I be unreasonable to say something if I see him again? It was right outside of a school so it is possible he was a parent and I may see him again. I have played patriarchy chicken quite a bit this last year (I used to practically jump out of the way for people!) and credit it for being able to do the school run without my back giving out but I have never encountered someone who was quite so aggressive!

OP posts:
TheStoic · 08/11/2019 10:03

I don’t think saying anything would do any good.

I’d advise punching him in the groin in panicked ‘self-defence’. Obviously don’t do that.

Although I would do that, and have done that before.

NearlyGranny · 08/11/2019 10:04

Get a stick. Threaten said pavement-owning man with it if you see him and he comes too close.

Public space is male space. 🙄

Winesalot · 08/11/2019 10:10

@Stealthymcstealth

I hope your back improves and the pain goes soon. If you were already walking on the edge of the pavement what was his issue? Was there people/things in the way of his continuing along his way?

If not, he is out of order to aim for you. I have to dodge other parents with their kids all the time on school run. There seems to be a lack of spacial awareness amongst parents and they don’t get there kids to pull into single file to allow people to get through. I am sure they are not being deliberately rude though.

This man seems to be set on making you feel bad though considering you were walking by yourself on the edge of the path.

Winesalot · 08/11/2019 10:11

their

Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 10:24

@winesalot, no obstruction, quite a large pavement, he could of easily left a good few feet between us. He might of been pissed off with two women he had just had to pass who were blocking the pavement a little further up where it is narrower and then decided he'd take it out on me Hmm

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BlankTimes · 08/11/2019 10:42

Could you walk on the inside of the pavement so if anyone does knock into you, you won't be lying in the road?

Second the advice to carry a stick or a ski pole or a taser

Winesalot · 08/11/2019 10:51

Either way, he was certainly inconsiderate if he veered your way for not purpose (except probably to intimidate you). I know how it might be stressful to see him again. But if you haven’t seen him before, hopefully this is a once off.

OldEvilOwl · 08/11/2019 11:04

Why not walk on the inside of the pavement? You will be safer. I wouldn't say anything to him though, maybe just a glare in case he tries to do it again

Cheeseandwin5 · 08/11/2019 11:26

The man obviously has problems but I would be careful to act as some have recommended. He may have physical or mental needs that caused his behaviour and you dont want to be the person who screams or acts with hostility to a person who cant help some of their actions.

Chloe84 · 08/11/2019 11:32

Another day, another micro aggression against a woman. Sadly I see it very often OP.

I was crossing a very busy road (waiting patiently for traffic to pass) a few days ago and a man leaned out of his van window and screamed in my face. He didn’t say anything, it was just a scream designed to freak me out. I gave him the finger which I hope he saw in his side mirror.

And recently a man refused to give way to a woman when she had right of way. He wanted her to reverse and give him way.

It makes me so angry.

CactusAndCacti · 08/11/2019 11:47

I spoke to someone recently who is blind in one eye. He struggles with perception and walks by following lines on the pavement. As he has no vision in the one eye he struggles/ is unable to see anything and will walk into things.

Who knows if the guy in the op has difficulties or is arrogant?

Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 11:51

I was only walking on the outside of the pavement as I was about to cross the road. I get the feeling it wouldn't of mattered where I was positioned on the pavement though.

A few days ago a man was on his phone walking very closely behind me and it didn't matter whether I sped up, slowed down or walked to the side (so he could pass) he stayed right behind me, I got fed up and just stepped off to the side and stood still until he had passed and when he did he seemed to be having trouble walking whilst engrossed in his phone (bumpy windy path with lots of bollards), I think he was following so closely because he was using me as a guide so he didn't bump into anything whilst on his phone!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 11:56

@CactusAndCacti I would of given him the benefit of doubt but he had to actively change his course to be walking at me and he was glaring at me as he did, so not following lines on the pavement.

OP posts:
Anotherlongdrive · 08/11/2019 12:00

he moved at the last second but I had to lean my shoulder back to avoid being knocked into the road.

Sounds like you both did the exact same thing. Walking near the curb isnt really safe anyway.

I get the whole patriachy chicken thing. But you both acted the same way here. But you on the road side were in a very vulnerable situation.

If you had said something at the time, that would have be find. Stopping g him I the future to tell him off would be odd.

TheReluctantCountess · 08/11/2019 12:05

Was he an older chap? If so, he might think the polite thing to do is let a woman walk on the inside (away from the traffic).

Lunafortheloveogod · 08/11/2019 12:06

Big hand bag on a long strap with a big full metal water bottle.. my bags an old madden one with albeit blunt metal spikes round the lower half. Tis the nut basher if I tuck my shoulder in dramatically it’ll swing forward.

It’s a bit more discreet that a ski pole😂. And it’s more effective than talking to people who think they’re some kind of barge pole with shoes.

And I agree with pp’s I stick to the inside atleast if I fall I’m in a hedge not traffic.

messolini9 · 08/11/2019 12:20

For heaven's sake, say something next time!

"Excuse me, I have a bad back & have to move very carefully".
Also, carry a big stick.

Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 12:25

@Anotherlongdrive no we didn't do the same thing, he changed his course, I stayed where I was because sidestepping is not an option for me right now (which is probably evident based on the amount of comments about my somewhat hobbled walk from other school Mum's this morning), I had to lean my shoulder back to prevent him hitting it, I was literally walking on the curb, if I had moved over any further I would of been in the road. A big wide pavement, I didn't cross or obstruct his path but somehow ended up almost being shoved into the road. I mention patriarchy chicken because it helped me gain confidence when out, I would of jumped into the road previously whilst apologising to him.

@TheReluctantCountess, no older than 55? I have done the overly polite British dance enough times to know that this wasn't it.

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Seasword · 08/11/2019 12:26

I was knocked to the ground once by a young man (20ish) who was walking alongside his friend on a narrow path.
My DH was behind me by a few yards and the smirks disappeared pdq off their faces when DH let out a scream. The fucker apologised to him though, not me.
Incidentally DH is blind in one eye but reckons he has only lost a third of his vision. He has a full driving license.

Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 12:31

@messolini9 when I said in my earlier posts that he walked right at me, I mean right AT me with speed! There wasn't time to say anything and even if there was I am not sure it would have been a good idea, he looked to be in a very bad mood.

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MeClavdivs · 08/11/2019 12:33

Gobsmacked at the number of explanations offered up as to why this man might have had a good reason for veering over to your side of the footpath while glaring at you aggressively! Grin

Yes there are a minority of people who behave this way because of mental health problems. However, the reason I move for them is not 'because they can't help it' but because they might be fucking dangerous.

Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 12:39

@Seasword, that's horrible Angry.

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Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 12:41

@MeClavdivs thank you! I wasn't sure how to say that without just sounding defensive.

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NearlyGranny · 08/11/2019 13:28

This behaviour, of course is what pre-civil rights white people routinely did to black people in the southern states.

It's a clear indication of where he thinks he is - and where he thinks you are - in the pecking order.

Original poster
Stealthymcstealth · 08/11/2019 14:15

@NearlyGranny sadly yes and I am very used to men attempting to put me in my place, never quite so aggressively. The worst part is I know that it is commonplace and one of the more minor transgressions that women contend with on a daily basis.

I told my husband about it and his response was "point him out if you see him again and then we'll see if he moves!" of course he'll fucking move for you! I don't think he quite gets it Hmm

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