Boob size, am I being a daft cow?

[Nomorewine77]

Relatively new poster, please be kind. So myself and DH ( been together 20 years, 3 kids ) have had a bit of a rough year, drifted apart, separated and then got back together, I feel I've lost my way a bit at the grand old age of 42. Anyway,I have serious body confidence issues and today, I said to DH off the cuff that I hate my boobs, small, saggy and I feel unattractive. To which he said nothing, I then repeated what I'd said and again nothing. Went to the bathroom and came back and said 'Did you hear what I said?' To which he replied 'Yes' I then said 'and?' He then said 'They're alright' bit gutted tbh and feel like shit now as I feel as though he was basically agreeing with me and they are unattractive. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this? I realise there are far worse things to be worrying about in this world but its really knocked my already low self confidence.

I can see why you're upset but it seems like you were fishing for compliments and it didn't work and it's not like he just came out with it you kind of put him on the spot.

You don't have a boob problem, you have a dp problem.

That would have upset me too. I would have hoped for a reply along the line of "I love your boobs".

I think he's been a bit thoughtless tbh.

I feel the same way about my boobs but I don't expect anyone to feel any differently. I think about a boob job sometimes but I don't think it's worth the money (unless you're loaded) and I quite like that I can comfortably sleep on my front these days!

Your upset is more to do with the stressful year you've had and the clear lack of communication with your dh. I'm sure you don't need to be upset about your body, it's created human beings so it must be magical

it seems like you were fishing for compliments

Hardly fishing for compliments, she was seeking reassurance about something she feels insecure about. Totally different scenario.

Maybe they are a bit small and saggy. What did you want him to say? They're the best boobs I've ever seen! Did you want him to lie to make you feel better? I'm sure if I did something like that to DH I'd get something similar to what your dh said. But, maybe boobs aren't the be all and end all. Maybe he loves you for other things.

MerryMarigold come on! Not the best in the world, but my DH would say they are just right for him, and that would make everyone happy..?

My DP wouldn’t answer purely because if he disagreed I wouldn’t listen anyway. How I feel about my boobs is how I feel, not how he feels. Disagreeing with me or responding and telling me different isn’t going to change the way I feel about them. He could say “They are lovely” and he knows I would say “no they’re not” so he’d choose not to say anything instead 🤷🏼‍♀️

You're not being daft to feel hurt as I understand you wanted your husband to reassure you especially as you've had a tough year. And "they're alright" isn't exactly comforting.

But your body has made children. And you have lots more worth that your breasts. If you need a man whose going to provide you with a boost when you say things he may not be the man for you

That’s not nice
If a friend said something like that I’d immmediately disagree and the same for my partner. If you care about someone it’s a basic response!

What would the right answer have been?

I hate my boobs too but if I ever mention it to DH I'll just get an eye roll. But I don't know what I'd expect him to say.. I wouldn't feel particularly reassured by him saying something along the lines of 'don't be silly, they're gorgeous!' Because I'd still feel the way I feel. It's my issue.

I agree that you were fishing for compliments. I hate when people do this and I'd ignore it too.

Honestly 'they're all right' may not be a bad thing, especially in response to your fishing. From my dad that is absolutely the highest praise, for example.

I thought "It's alright" was high praise in British English!!

No answer he gave would be good enough.

*not quite as much praise as "Not bad" of course.

I'm on the fence here. Looks like you were looking for reassurance but would it matter to you if for him to give that he'd have to lie to you? I'm not saying he would have had to, but would you wish that?

Lots of posters on here really like a bit of that. They really like to be lied to and don't want the truth if they directly ask. Call it kindness or reassurance or something similar. What they want is pure lies and no truth. No your arse doesn't look big in that, you look great, your tits are fab, those jeans are great, your new hair cut really suits you.

I differ. If I ask my husbands opinion I want the truth, not bullshit, because if we got into that game then I'd never know if he was telling the truth and what would be the point of asking.

So I guess from your reaction you wanted him to reassure you even if it was a lie. Is that right?

YANBU to want some love and reassurance.

But the way you phrased things might have left him feeling he didn’t know what to say. A damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation.

He also just might not have realised you wanted love and reassurance.

So you wanted him to lie?

I suppose he should have done for a quiet life.

I’m insecure about mine too as they are quite small. I sometimes seek reassurance from my DP about them and he’s always very complimentary. I hope what he says about them is true but even if it’s not I would rather he pretends he thinks they are fine rather than giving me a massive complex that I’m not attractive enough

I wouldn't read too much into this. You put him on the spot and it might not be what he necessarily thinks... I've been in previous relationships where I felt my partner was constantly pushing for compliments and sometimes I just couldn't do it, even if I didn't believe what they said. And sometimes you just can't prop someone else up, even if what they are saying is silly.

Talk to him at some point. We all have low moments. I'm sorry you feel like you do - I do sometimes; too. But don't let this make it worse for you.

It's just tits

They, if his response to your questions about them do not define you or your relationship in any way

We all age and sag, that's life

I think he could have handled it better but I also would put money on it that if he had said 'oh they're wonderful darling' that would not have been the end of the matter - I think he knew he was going to get drawn into a prolonged conversation about your insecurities and didn't want to be.

Drawing attention to the physical part of you which you are less happy about, it’s probably not the best idea. It was a trick question and he answered as honestly as he could. If he lied you’d have known and felt upset with that as well.
Obviously he’s not Mr Smooh and that’s not a bad thing.
That aside, you are amazing to have three children and you are not old so start appreciating all your qualities (including physical ones). My best advice for every young and every mature woman is to ‘make the most of what you’ve got left’. Be kind to yourself by taking care of yourself because if you don’t do it first, nobody else is going to do it for you.
Having children is a miracle and you’ve done it three times over, your body served you well, now you should love it back a little bit more.

I small-boobed and, whereas I once longed to have Playboy-type knockers, I now love my little handfuls and have never had any complaints about them.

The great thing about small boobs is that exercising the pectoral muscles really work for them - just a few months will make your boobs look pert and upstanding. Try it and then ask him again.

You put him in a no win situation. He stayed quiet as the safest option it seems to me.