Another kids and dad one... Long and ranty, sorry

[Dhalandchips]

I may have posted about this before but I really need to know if what I want to do is unreasonable.

DS is 12 and DD is 10.

Ex lives in the far south of the city, doesn't drive. DC and I live in the far north. I do drive.

Wednesdays are a sodding nightmare. DS has a dance class about half way between us, so I drop her, then drop DS at dad's, go back to dance class to wait, then collect DS from dad's. Then sit in the bloody rush hour traffic. Sat nav/theaa.com says the journey between the two should take 20 minutes. We'll I've just spent 1hr and 20 minutes doing that sodding journey. DD was half an hour late for youth club and DS was 15 minutes late for sport training.

DS already doesn't want to see him (I have definitely posted about that and thus far, he's been quiet) but do I HAVE to sit in the fucking awful traffic to facilitate DS seeing his dad for 1.5 hours on a Wednesday after school? DS has said he doesn't want to give up sport. DD definitely doesn't want to give up youth club and doesn't see why she should for her brother to see dad.

There is no other evening in the week we can get over there, so many other after school clubs/my work/homework to do.
He sees DS EOW (although has now made those visits shorter as his gf has moved to a town 50 miles away and its inconvenient for her to be dropping off DS at 7pm on Sunday evening so they drop home about 2. 30pm now).

He moans he doesn't see enough of them.
Would I be unreasonable to tell him to book snd pay for a taxi? Or must I continue to take DS to him?

Why do you do all the driving? who says you have to? Surely his dad should do 1 of the 2 journeys under his own steam - meeting half way?

He should definitely still see him. He should also definitely arrange the transport

Cut out the midweek visit. Contact is for the children and this isn’t benefitting them- it’s negatively impacting them.

Dad doesn't drive. Public transport is very variable. The visit would be taken up with travelling on the bus. By the time they got there, it would be time to leave again.
Hence the taxi question. But then, it's my son sitting in a taxi for an hour or so instead!

It doesn’t sound like Wednesday are the best days to have contact do you do activities every day after school can they not see him on another day?

@IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory this is my thinking too. DS really doesn't want to give up his sport. Asked me if I wanted him to so he could see dad. I told him 'of course not'!

At one point op I was driving 500 miles a week facilitating /keeping to court ordered contact.
FUCK that.
Blocks of contact time are better-barrister and judge advice. Can you try and organise that?

@Witchinaditch Mondays is ballet, Tuesday I work til 6pm, Wednesday is nightmare day, Thursday I work til 6pm, Friday is either driving over to his, or our homework night. So no, unfortunately no other day in the week.

Sorry just read no other evening, well maybe on the nights it’s your housework night he needs to come up and see the kids and take them out for dinner or whatever so you can get the house work done in peace and he sees the kids. That’s what I’d suggest. Why should you be doing all the running around?

@Winterdaysarehere what do you mean by 'blocks of time'? The current arrangement is informal. Never had any legal intervention.

@Witchinaditch homework, not housework. Work set by school to do at home. We try and get it done on a Friday evening so we can relax at the weekend. He couldn't get to my house anyway, nit without his girlfriend fricing him, or a taxi. Well, he could but it would take two hours on three buses.

Nit *not
FRICING (WTF) *driving

Can he see them on the even Nhs you work until 6? There's no reason you have to be home from work to facilitate contact. He just needs to find a way to pick them up!

He can pick them up from school his gosh darn self on a Tuesday when you work late or Thursday there is no need for you to be rushing around like that

@motortroll, I could suggest that to him. Although I'd forgotten About DS and forest camp til 5 on Tuesdays. Ah, but she's not seeing him so it would just DS.

Stop driving them to you ex's. He needs to figure out a way to collect them that doesn't involve you driving them. He's a grown up. I'm sure he can figure it out.

I like the idea of him picking DS up from school, as its even further away!

OK. I'm going to have to tell him I'm just not doing it anymore. I just wanted to hear that I not being unreasonable.

So for example I had Sunday evening, take to school an hour away on Monday. He collected. He took Tues and collected and took Wed. I collected. Took Thurs. He collected. Took Fri. I collected. He picked from me Sat 8 fucking am. Brought back Sunday night.
Madness even a judge said. I only saw half asleep dc - before or after school.
Changed to me do Fri collect and keep til Monday every other week-kept Fri and Sunday nights other weeks. And optional Wed night if dc had no plans. Harder to keep arrangements once teens and more independent. Holidays 4 /3 days in whole blocks alternate weeks.
Exh gave them far too much free rein and they went nc with him.
Parent how you feel you should not how dc want ime gave stability...

Tell him to get to wherever DD’s dance class is on a Weds, take DS out around there for tea, and deliver him back at the end of DD’s lesson?

@Winterdaysarehere I see, thanks. That adds iunds like shit. He can't have DS overnight midweek as it would impossible to get him to school. Unless he paid for a taxi.

Adds iunds *sounds like

No squirrels, sounds like a good idea. I'll add that into the email too.

thats insaine OP

hes a big boy, he can sort out transport. dont be a mug you are not being unreasonable

@Dhalandchips yes I understand what homework is I just read it as housework no need to be like that. My point is he should be travelling to you! Why shouldn’t he be taking 3 busses?