Another kids and dad one... Long and ranty, sorry

[Dhalandchips]

I may have posted about this before but I really need to know if what I want to do is unreasonable.

DS is 12 and DD is 10.

Ex lives in the far south of the city, doesn't drive. DC and I live in the far north. I do drive.

Wednesdays are a sodding nightmare. DS has a dance class about half way between us, so I drop her, then drop DS at dad's, go back to dance class to wait, then collect DS from dad's. Then sit in the bloody rush hour traffic. Sat nav/theaa.com says the journey between the two should take 20 minutes. We'll I've just spent 1hr and 20 minutes doing that sodding journey. DD was half an hour late for youth club and DS was 15 minutes late for sport training.

DS already doesn't want to see him (I have definitely posted about that and thus far, he's been quiet) but do I HAVE to sit in the fucking awful traffic to facilitate DS seeing his dad for 1.5 hours on a Wednesday after school? DS has said he doesn't want to give up sport. DD definitely doesn't want to give up youth club and doesn't see why she should for her brother to see dad.

There is no other evening in the week we can get over there, so many other after school clubs/my work/homework to do.
He sees DS EOW (although has now made those visits shorter as his gf has moved to a town 50 miles away and its inconvenient for her to be dropping off DS at 7pm on Sunday evening so they drop home about 2. 30pm now).

He moans he doesn't see enough of them.
Would I be unreasonable to tell him to book snd pay for a taxi? Or must I continue to take DS to him?

@Witchinaditch I wasn't trying to be like anything. I was explaining only because I didn't know if you have homework where you are.

Your sons contact with his dad is more important than any of his/his siblings many after school clubs. You wouldn’t like your contact cut to once a fortnight if it were you. Your ex definitely need to make an effort with travel arrangements though

@Raphael I get that he needs to see his dad, but I shouldn't be the taxi, especially when it's in rush hour traffic.

Yes contact is important but so is having a life and at this age you naturally see less of the children anyway

If he is cutting down his contact to suit his girlfriend I wouldn't be stressing about him seeing the kids as they are not much of a priority

Hmm indeed. He's dependent on her for chauffeuring as he was with me. Plus he's got form for leaving them with her for the bulk of his weekends with him. I don't mind this because she's apparently very nice to them, so that's all good! However, yes, it just ads to their awakening that he's not a fabulous as he would like them to believe. DS is already thee, she won't see him.

What kind of a dad of a 12 and 10 year old cannot get driving lessons? Let him sort his own life out. It is not up to you. If he wants to see DC, he needs to come to them.

Could he not come and meet your son near the dance class? He could take DS out for tea (or something) nearby and then return him to you at the end of the dance class

You need to frame it in the best interests of the children. Ds gets more time with him if ex comes to dance class. Dc does not miss/ be late for club.

If he complains he sees less of them now, offer back the time he has turned down.

Yep, I've suggested the dance class option. I offered him an extra weekend in January as he missed one in October, but he turned that down too. His loss.