To ask what you do when kids are at school?

[sharond101]

I work part time. Eldest is in school and youngest will go in August. Currently youngest goes to nursery 9-3, I regular collect early and play with her at home or take her out. I cook, clean, shop, paint my nails, exercise at home but otherwise have no idea what to keep myself busy with. I have been working extra hours and arranged to meet a few friends but this is not regular and feel pretty lost.

Kungfupanda, what horrific time of the morning do you have to start getting all that done in order to leave the house on time?

@DisorganisedOrganiser we’re up at 6 😂 but the kids are early risers anyway. The baby doesn’t get up until 7ish which helps, I get showered and ready before she gets up so I don’t have to leave her downstairs on her own. I put the washing on at 6 when I come down to make coffee, wipe round the bathroom after I get out of the shower, wash up while the kids eat breakfast, hang washing out before we leave. I do sometimes run out of time and don’t get the washing out to dry.

I think I must be doing something really wrong though as I get up at 6:20 but have one less child and would never achieve all that before school.

@DisorganisedOrganiser it’s my most productive part of the day to be fair - I then came home from our weekly toddler group at 11.30 and cried down the phone at my mum because I’m failing at life and can’t fit everything in and my to-do list is as long as my arm and everyone else seems to be coping much better than me lol so don’t feel too bad! I might do the first 2 hours of the day better than you but it quickly goes downhill!

My youngest recently started pre-school so I now have 1 day off a week. I fully intended to do things the kids find boring to get involved in - shopping, laundry etc. Then I thought fuck it, I've spent the best part of a decade raising kids I deserve a day off to do whatever I want. So I nap, watch Netflix, read, I don't touch the laundry or do cleaning. I also think it won't do them any favours if I never let them be bored, so supermarket trips still involve them

I work 7.30am until 4pm everyday Mon - Fri and twice a week work until 6pm not 4pm.
I have the weekend off, but I still work from home. When I’m not working I do chores or decorating, shopping and cooking. I tend to work into the evenings and put things away around 9pm. I end up staying up too late, 1am, because otherwise I don’t get any relaxation time. I then have to be up at 6am.

I’ve chosen this life in the pursuit of money and nice holidays. But I would not recommend it to anyone. I’ve missed out on so much where my son is concerned and days have passed where I barely see him.
The harder I’ve worked the more that’s been expected...so I’m considering making a big change to my life and I’d like to go part time. I’d like a day at home with DS in school. Time to just do things without rushing. I’d perhaps go get my eyebrows done or meet someone for coffee.

As an aside it's completely ridiculous to feel guilty for sitting around and not doing women's work, no one is going to thank you for being a martyr. Also if we want to break the chain of gendered expectations it starts with recognising (like men would) how it's perfectly reasonable to sit around and do nothing!

there is no doubt in my mind that working parents are busier

Of course, I wouldn't say otherwise!

@GunpowderGelatine completely agree - I already think about the time when my youngest starts school (in 4 years time!) when I can sit around and do nothing occasionally

I usually work but have one day a week which I use to potter, clean, do house admin stuff, garden, get my hair done, read, research stuff, do my own projects, have the head space to think about stuff, occasional coffee with friends, shopping, getting kids library books. I love my day off, and no - my DH doesn't mind one jot. He knows how hard I work and the headspace more than anything is like my own personal mental health day.

Since having DCs, I've worked p/t, f/t and am now a SAHM to school age children.

SAHM to school age children generates far more mess. When I worked f/t, there was no breakfast in the house, there was no lunch in the house, there was no tea in the house, only dinner because most meals were covered by nursery/ wrap around care.

The DCs do more activities so that's more changes of clothing. I don't wash after every wear, but it's more sets of kit to need washing at some point. I get more running done, so change more often. I wear more layers in the house to keep warm than I did with my work wear, again that increases washing.

The DCs spend more time in the house to mess it up. More dust from spending time in the house. More ins and outs to walk dirt in from outside.

When working, shopping was done on a Friday evening straight after work/ pick-up and we went to the supermarket cafe for tea then around the shop which was fairly efficient at a quiet time. It takes longer doing it in the school day when it's busier.

I now volunteer in school 3x half days a week which is a significant chunk out of my avaliable time. If I'm in long run season for a HM, that's another good chunk of a day gone.

I'm still catching up on non-essential decorating and decluttering that was just paused when I was working and the DCs were young.

The 6 hours that the DCs are in school disappears very quickly. Admittedly I'm not the most efficient of people and do a fair bit of MNing in the face of exciting activities like folding washing. I'm not sure how I fitted in a 60+ hour job before, but I know why I'm not still trying to combine it with family life! (And we are all much happier for being more relaxed with time and being together at home more).

Shiny, that really does make sense about the increased mess.

Kungfupanda, you sound as if you are doing great to even have mornings sorted with three young kids!

Is the OP saying she is bored & doesn’t know what to do with her time? I was a SAHM for 12 years (by choice), I think my life was much more interesting & fulfilling than it is now when I am back at work. I had numerous volunteer roles, all interesting & stimulating, met a wide variety of people. I do still volunteer around my job, being involved in your local community is hugely rewarding & you will meet loads of like minded people (& housework is always very low on my priority list ).

And of course my DH didn’t ‘mind’ that I was using my time to volunteer, that’s actually how we met!

To the sahp who say that their working partners do absolutely nothing around the house, never cook a meal, dont shop etc. Do you ever question what kind of role models these working partners (probably mostly men) are to children particularly boys? No wonder there are so many posts on her from women saying that their H do nothing around the house. If children are not shown that both parents need to do chores how do they learn?

I have one day a week off. I meet friends for coffee, sometimes clean the bathrooms, food shop, laundry, change beds, baking. Not all the things in a day but one or two, always the coffee! In the summer sometimes I go for a long walk.

I work pt 9-2.40 (2days one week and 3 days the next)
On my days off, I will catch up on important phone calls, paperwork or housework. I will also meet friends and family for brunch or a coffee.

Well, I work for 3 of those days!!

On the other two I have one pottering around at home day which may include reading, listening to the radio, tidying up, sewing up holey clothes, cooking healthy-ish food, very occasionally watching a film, studying for a professional qualification...some home based volunteering which involves assessing funding applications, creative writing projects, networking online re those creative writing projects

On the other day I try to get out of the house and this usually involves a few of the following: going to a gallery, attending a free talk or lecture, charity shopping, local food shopping, going for a swim, going for a nice solo lunch, seeing what interesting free things are happening and going along (I live in London so often something)

I occasionally do an extra day for my job when they are short staffed to do a specific task but that's probably 8 weeks in a year. Very happy with work life balance. Neither too busy or bored. Never get bored.

I also help out on school trips and events which tends to be every fortnight on average.

Omg that's long, sorry!!

There's always cleaning! Mine are adults and there's still so much to do, I finish by 2 most days and it's walk dog then washing, shopping, prep dinner, and attempt to keep house clean,garden clear etc. Worse since I axed the cleaner. I need to downsize, it's too big

I work PT and am forever running round with jobs to do.

Maybe your home isn't as clean as you think?

I work full time...I'd kill for even just one afternoon to myself per week...

Today I...
Did quick food shop
Went to the post office
Quick tidy up
Made tea
Did some exercise but not enough
Sorted out repair for tumble drier (30 minutes on the phone)
Spent half an hour on work stuff
Sorted laundry but didn’t finish it
Sewed some Brownie badges on but ran out of time to do them all.

So I didn’t manage to finish the exercise, sewing or laundry and had 5 minutes for lunch. I can’t even imagine struggling to fill the time.

I have 3 days where I'm not at work and kids are at school and I'm never bored or watching TV. For example this week...

Day 1: School run (we walk so nearly an hour altogether), cuppa and clear up breakfast, nip up to high school to drop off heavy musical instrument (stop for chat while there), home, find some food, visit my mum for lunch as she's poorly (half hour drive each way), time for school run again.
Day 2. School run, friends for coffee, lunch, some marking, quick run then school run again.
Day 3. School run followed by a walk with a friend, loads of laundry and hoovering (ds wetting bed a lot), lunch, lazing around on my phone with a cuppa for an hour, into town to post a parcel/ go to butcher before school run.

As pp said, the day goes in a blink. It's only 9.30-2.30ish really. Plenty going on once school is finished.

OP if you really aren't into free time and have the option is it possible to go full time? I love my days off but not everyone does. Also, some people don't like being alone. I love it.

I had ten years of at least one pre-school child with me at all times, so I felt no guilt whatsoever now about my free time in the weekdays. Recently, this has got better since the youngest started senior school and now makes her own way home, so no need to do the school run. Amazing! I do loads of things - run, Pilates, meet people, psychotherapy, cooking - whatever the day brings! We are in quite central London though - I think in a rural location I would get bored very quickly and it wouldn’t be good for me. Last year I was renovating a six bed wreck of a house and was on site everyday, so now I’m consciously enjoying the fact that’s all over and done with. I can’t say I do much cleaning as the cleaner comes twice a week for 5 hours at a time (no laundry or beds though, just vacuuming, mopping floors, dusting and bathrooms). I used to do ironing until I discovered the shirt press at the dry cleaners, so that’s that. I do keep the house very organised though and if there’s things I can do or organise or pick up in the day for DH or the kids, then I will always do that first. Plus we have many high maintenance cats! MIL is currently away staying with her other son for some months, but usually I will need to make some time for her too. I can’t say I’ve ever been bored really.