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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I move my baby to new nursery?

50 replies

pumpkinbump · 06/11/2019 19:16

Hi all,

Just after some advice or thoughts on moving my daughter to a new nursery.

She is 15 months old and started nursery at the end of July 2019. I thought the nursery was lovely at first, very small and intimate. There were a few concerns I had from the beginning, but I put that down to me being overly sensitive. The babies (in my eyes) weren’t being watched enough when I took her to the settling in sessions. Ill try to keep this as brief as possible as it’s a long one.

In the garden they have a wooded platform which is reaches by two steps where they can paint. I witnessed a baby (who could walk) standing at the top and doing a roly poly off the top step and hitting her head on the bottom step. No members of staff were anywhere near her but noticed when she fell and picked her up.

My daughter had a hard time settling in. On the first full day she did, the called me to pick her up early as she was unsettled. They also called her father as I missed their initial call. He asked if she had taken any milk from the bottle (she’s breastfed and refuses bottles), he was told no, when he asked if they had tried the other bottles I had been taking in to see if it made a difference, he was told that that had tried but on that particular day I didn’t send any additional bottles so this was a lie.

They kept calling me to leave work early to collect her as she was unsettled, even saying one time that they would like me to collect her early as they had a full house that day and she is disturbing the other children. This has really messed my hours up at work.

They then asked me to change my working hours at very short notice as they thought that doing half days would be better for her. I was unable to do it the first week they asked and said that it would have to start the week after as I wouldn’t have chance to work my contracted hours that week. They refused to take her for the full day that week even thought they knew I had no alternate childcare and wouldn’t be able to go to work. I did this for a month then reverted back to full days.

The other week when I arrived to pick her up, she was sat behind a bookcase with a little boy. As soon as the nursery worker saw me she dashed over to them and appeared to take something, my daughter had started crying so the nursery worker picked her up and said that she dashed over as the little boy was trying to give her a hug and my daughter didn’t like it so started crying. I didn’t think anything of this at the time until I got home and saw she had biro on her head so I am wondering if the boy had a pen he was outing in her face and the worker got it from him before I saw.

2 weeks ago I picked her up, and I had a phone call from the nursery after I left saying that they meant to get me to sign an accident form but forgot and would have me sign it next time I took her in. She said on the phone that my daughter was walking and lost her balance and her cheek hit the floor, so if she has a small bruise in that area this was the reason. When the bruise came up, it was a very deep dark like about 2 inches long and a centimetre wide so it was obvious to me that she had hit herself quite badly on the edge of something, When I took her to nursery the following time, they got the form for me to sign, I made a point of reading it and it said the same as she had said on the phone. I questioned it and told them that the bruise was a line like she had hit it on the edge of something, the worker pointed to one of the ramps they have there and said that she might have hit it on that. I asked then if she was telling me she hit it on the edge of the ramp and she said that she might have.

Last week when I picked her up on Wednesday (she goes Tuesday and Wednesday) and got her home to change her nappy she had a very dark (almost black) mark on her privates but very near to the crease in her leg. I know this happened there as it wasn’t there on the Tuesday or the Wednesday morning. At first I thought it was pen, so I tried wiping it off before realised it was a bruise. It was very small but concentrated. About the size of a tic tac. I put it down to maybe she hit herself with a toy when she was being changed but as it was very prominent even a week later, I became more and more concerned. I questioned it when I took her back this week, the room manager didn’t seem bothered, just said she would keep an eye on it (no need it’s a bruise) and that she might have hit herself on something as she is more mobile now. I don’t think she could have hit herself that hard in that area to cause that with a padded nappy on.

One last big thing, last week I dropped her off a bit later than usual, they serve breakfast until 9am. I took her there at 8:45 thinking nothing of it and that she would have breakfast. When I got home and read her report for that day it stated she had breakfast at home.

There have been many other little incidents too. They have lost a piece of her clothing which meant a lot to me, it disappeared into thin air. They would ask me for more nappies and then send them back in her back when I took them in. I don’t think they’re putting cream on her when they change her nappy as she always seems a bit red after nursery. They have sent other babies clothes home with me on many occasions. They post a monthly blog with photos, on month she wasn’t in any of the photos.

Can I get some advice on what you would do? Sorry it is so long but thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Wherearemycrayons · 06/11/2019 19:40

The bruise by her private’s would have been enough for me to pull her out. There’s no way that’s happened accidentally by her.

Fuzzywuzzywuzzy · 06/11/2019 19:47

You need to be confident that she is receiving the care and attention that you want her to have. You should not be worrying about her all the time when you are at work. So if you are not happy with things then move her.

spanglydangly · 06/11/2019 19:48

You're justifiably unhappy, move her.

Vanannabananna · 06/11/2019 19:48

With everything you’ve said I’d move her as soon as is feesible. Consider child minders if possible too.

I’d want a better explanation about the bruise on her private area too. Can you complain to anyone higher up?

Hope you find somewhere new quickly.

Maryann1975 · 06/11/2019 19:55

It doesn’t sound like you trust them a great deal, so I’d consider moving her somewhere else. If she struggled to settle in a nursery, can you consider any local childminders? If you look on your local family information service there should be a list, or ask around for recommendations. Some children just don’t appreciate the busyness of a nursery, they prefer a smaller environment with less staff to get to know, obviously it would just be a childminder, possibly an assistant, so they could make a closer bond, quicker, than at a nursery where there are several staff in over the week.

meow1989 · 06/11/2019 19:57

Move her for sure. You need to be confident that your child is well looked after and safe. I echo pp in concern about the bruise by her privates, it's a very unusual place for one. I'm not suggesting anything untoward from staff as such, maybe just a further lack of supervision. I would complain to.the nursery once you've moved her too.

Liland · 06/11/2019 19:58

It doesn't matter really your reasons. You dont trust them with her, so you have to move her. I would lift mine in a heartbeat after what you've reported.

Raphael34 · 06/11/2019 20:01

Take her out and find a good childminder.

Justajot · 06/11/2019 20:02

I'd move her. There are some fantastic nurseries out there so no need to use a poor one.

moobar · 06/11/2019 20:04

Move her without a doubt

apple0pie · 06/11/2019 20:05

Yes of course you should move her. Read your post back to your self and ask your self why on earth would you keep your child there?

Strangerthingshere · 06/11/2019 20:06

I would also move her

Twickerhun · 06/11/2019 20:06

Take her out. I started reading thinking you were being over sensitive but you are not. I agree with others - take her away ASAP and find another childcare provider. We use a childminder and have lovely thoughtful family care - you need something like this

quitecontrary123 · 06/11/2019 20:07

Move her. I would move her for a number of those things in isolation.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 06/11/2019 20:07

I’m assuming you think the bruise on her privates is caused by false nails or something?
Some nursery’s are great, and some are very young women who don’t have babies watching them, do sometimes don’t watch them enough.
Find a new nursery x

pumpkinbump · 06/11/2019 20:14

Thank you all. I thought I had picked the best nursery for her. It's a small independent one and they only take 6 babies at a time. They also have really good reviews. The other parents don't seem to be facing the same issues I am so I am just trying to get my head around why it is just me having the issues. To be honest, I have no idea what could have caused the bruise there. It's very small but was a bad one so I don't think she could have done it herself. she certainly didn't from knocking herself through her nappy. Should I inform my HV about this? In seeing her next week.

OP posts:
pumpkinbump · 06/11/2019 20:14

Yes they are all very young workers there.

OP posts:
Beebeezed · 06/11/2019 20:17

I would take her out due to the unexplained injuries. However if clothes are precious to you, don’t send your child to nursery in them!

Pussinboots25 · 06/11/2019 20:18

I imagine nothing anyone says will change your mind on the nursery so just pull her out. You clearly don’t like the nursery and are starting to mention silly things, never being in the photos is not really a worry is it. I do agree the other things are worrying

BrutusMcDogface · 06/11/2019 20:18

I don’t know why you didn’t pull her out ages ago. They don’t sound like they’re doing a great job.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 06/11/2019 20:18

Sounds awful, I would move her as soon as possible!

mullyluo · 06/11/2019 20:20

It sounds like they don't have enough staff, a lot of stuff is going on that they're just trying to guess what happened after the fact. If my son got a bruise at nursery I would expect to be told exactly what had happen, what time, who was with him and steps they had taken. The asking you to go down to half days would be a massive red flag to me that they can't cope with their current number of children. I had to pull my son out of a nursey like the one you describe, it was best decision I could have made, he went to a lovley child minder who was on the ball and watched him like a hawk. You need to be really confident in the people watching them, especially when they can't comunicate with you well enough to let know that something be going on.

pumpkinbump · 06/11/2019 20:24

They seem to have plenty of staff but when there are two in the baby room it seems both are doing things at the same time, like one washing up, one doing something else if that makes sense.

OP posts:
NoAngel1 · 06/11/2019 20:32

It’s so hard when you get back to work. You’re trying to juggle work and making sure you’re doing the best for your child. Your instinct here seems to be that this isn’t the right setting for your DD and I would trust that. I’d also speak to the manager about your concerns because they should be aware that this is all unacceptable. Good luck.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 06/11/2019 20:32

Some of this is cause for concern, mainly the injuries and that they can't explain them, that would be enough for me, in fact I would've moved her when they dictated to you what you should do about your own working hours.

Not being in photos, losing a cardigan (etc) or getting pen on her aren't issues to me. I forgot to tell nursery a few weeks ago DS had breakfast at home as he always does, but because I hadn't told them specifically and he seemed like he wanted food they gave him breakfast, and lunch and tea and snacks and milk. He was ten months and ate more than me that day, but it was just a miscommunication, he's also lost a pair of socks there and bumped his head on the climbing frame and once came home without his coat and comforter. It's fine he bumps himself at home, it's what happens when they're just walking and I lost his stuff sometimes.

I definitely think you should move her though, you quite rightly don't trust them, I couldn't leave my baby with people I didn't trust.

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