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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect adult aunts and uncles to bother with Dc at Christmas.

50 replies

Starlet79 · 06/11/2019 18:08

I don’t want to sound like a spoilt brat who expects presents for my DC from everyone. Because that’s not the case.

Just wondering if you expect working adult age aunts and uncles to buy for your DC. Bearing in mind my DC are the only little ones in the family and they don’t have children of their own.

My siblings are teenagers so don’t really expect them to obviously as they don’t earn money. But OH’s siblings are in mid to late twenties, all work, but all a bit reliant on mil and don’t really acknowledge DC’s birthdays or at Christmas.

In previous years I used to buy them gifts around £20/30 each but have cut it down to about £5-10 as we don’t get anything in return so I feel like stopping it completely this year.

I know Christmas isn’t all about presents etc. But if I ever have nieces or nephews I cannot imagine not doing so, but I probably feel this way as I have DC of my own.

Aibu? Aibu to not buy them anything? Or Maybe a small box of chocs??

OP posts:
TheresWaldo · 06/11/2019 18:11

I wouldn't buy them anything if they never reciprocate even for the dcs

lastqueenofscotland · 06/11/2019 18:15

How often do they see them and how old are your DCs

Original poster
Starlet79 · 06/11/2019 18:18

Children are 8 and 4! two are living away at the minute, one still local but have been local for previous Christmases. See them as much as we can..

I must add, I would never expect them to buy for me and Oh. But the children? I don’t expect them to spend much though.

growing up my mums brothers who didn’t have children always spoilt us!

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/11/2019 18:43

Aged 8 and 4 and they can't even buy them a box of lego? What Tight wads they are!
What do they say when you hand them presents and they've bought nothing for the kids?

TheMacallan · 06/11/2019 18:56

My brother (25) always buys for my son as we are close, but definitely wouldn't if my mum didn't prompt him. He is doing his own thing as is pretty useless without a push. DHs siblings don't buy anything, which is fine. If you don't have kids, I don't think it is necessarily on your radar particularly if you are early twenties and studying / travelling / living away for the first time and doing your own thing. Buying presents for relatives at Christmas probably ranks quite far down the list of things to think about. I was terrible at sending cards and gifts when I was working abroad for the first time so I don't expect anything really. I usually actively tell people they don't have to buy for us rather than getting annoyed that they haven't. DS gets enough presents as it is.

SunnyupLands · 06/11/2019 19:05

Op none of the rich aunts buy for my dc.. They almost go feotul at Xmas when they are naturally put under slight pressures to spend. It male's them go even more tight.

Yes yes yes it's people's money to spend how they want.
The two aunts each own minimum two properties, one fully paid, in very expensive areas of UK, totalling over million pounds. Both on wages exceeding 100 grand. Both married, no dc. Both the only dc in family are mine.
Would even 5 pounds in a card breakfast them??

Really?.
Op I lowered my expectations years ago.
I don't and never have expected them to send stuff to dc at Xmas or bday but turning up to Xmas events empty handed for the dc was the last straw.
So we expecting nothing now.

Batqueen · 06/11/2019 19:06

I don’t get the mindset of not to be honest, unless you are on super low income, even then if you are local there are things like doing a secret Santa at Poundland!

As teens and kids we bought presents from pocket money or depending on age mum would help with dads, dad with mums etc.

My sister was the first to have kids and her kids have always had birthday, Christmas and Easter gifts from all aunts and uncles on both sides other than one uncle who is a spoiled brat. Both sides had teenage aunts and uncles who were capable of buying presents included in this( DS and BIL are both oldest siblings).

It’s not about spending money it’s about putting a bit of thought into someone else!

Batqueen · 06/11/2019 19:08

Oh and so YANBU because they are cheap and thoughtless!

NailsNeedDoing · 06/11/2019 19:24

Yanbu to not bother buying for them. They would get you gifts if they were bothered about exchanging, and they clearly aren't so no reason for you to feel obliged.

Yabu to expect them to buy gifts for your children just because you got gifts from uncles as a child. A sibling having children doesn't come with an obligation to spend time and money on kids presents, personally I think it's really rude for you to assume they should.

Buyitinbamboo · 06/11/2019 19:49

Absolutely don't bother with them this year.

My siblings are 16 and 19, all have part time jobs. They buy for DD, usually ask what she wants and I suggest things for like £5 and tell them not to bother buying me anything

RedPanda2 · 06/11/2019 19:50

I'm childfree and alwats buy gifts for birthdays, Cristmas and Easter. I don't seem them very much though. I don't spoil them, but it would be very mean not to get them anything!

HeadBrickWall · 06/11/2019 19:54

BIL & SIL are very generous with the DC for birthdays and Christmas and always make sure we meet up. They don't have children and we buy them a gift but don't expect anything for us.

Siblings on my side send either cheap rubbish or rejects from their ever so slightly older children. Surpassed themselves last year by giving something to DC2 that I had bought for DC1 to keep at DP's house...

BloggersBlog · 06/11/2019 20:00

YANBU, blif ooming tight wads. YABVU if you continue to buy them gifts thereby tacitly agreeing with their behaviour

Rezie · 06/11/2019 20:02

I dunno. This depends so much on family. Do they buy presents to other family members? Do they buy birthday presents? You don't have to buy for them and since these are aibkinbs that we are talking about it's ok to ask and talk. It can be that they simply consider nephews and nieces to be far enough relatives to not get presents. In our family aunts and uncles don't buy presents

Loopytiles · 06/11/2019 20:03

Yeah, completely stop buying gifts for them - dh should have been sorting that for his family anyway.

Are they close to your H? If not, and they don’t have adult to adult relationships with MIL or DH, and teen siblings that they see themselves as being in the same generation as, that could partly explain it

BloggersBlog · 06/11/2019 20:04

@HeadBrickWall no way!!! Did they realise or a genuine (embarrassing) mistake?

BeatriceTheBeast · 06/11/2019 20:06

Yanbu. Who doesn't buy christmas gifts for their nieces and nephews? Bloody weird.

bigshiplittleboat · 06/11/2019 20:08

My siblings didn't buy anything for (or acknowledge) my DD's first birthday, or get her anything for christmas. She's the first child of this generation in my family. I felt really hurt, to be honest, and I'm just doing token presents for them this year. Additionally I saw one of their presents that I had put a lot of thought into still sitting on a table still in the cellophane at my parents' house when I visited in August (they do jot live with my parents). DH's sister is brilliant and sends lovely presents, as we try to do for her DCs.

OctoberLovers · 06/11/2019 20:13

This thread is so sad :(

My two older niece's (Adults) get about £30/£40 worth of gifts

The younger niece and nephew i get about £200 worth of gifts for birthday and Christmas

Cant imagine not doing it..

NoHummus · 06/11/2019 20:14

YANBU. I'm the childless auntie in this situation and I love buying wee gifts for my nieces and nephews for Christmas. We don't exchange gifts between the adults in the family but all get stuff for the kids.

Iloveacurry · 06/11/2019 20:15

I wouldn’t bother buying them anything.

Elieza · 06/11/2019 20:19

I wouldn’t get them anything but if they turned up I’d have a couple of selection boxes kicking about for them Justin case.

Mamabear144 · 06/11/2019 20:20

My brother and step brother both buy for ds and we don't buy for each other. They also put some thought into it.

WelshCake2019 · 06/11/2019 20:22

Opposite here! Not that I expect anything but..... Give about £100-150 over the year for birthdays and Xmas to nephews and nieces....last year in return I had a.... Christmas card...

dontevenblink · 06/11/2019 20:26

It's really sad isn't it. My dc have 3 uncles and an aunt, all in their 30s, and not one of them buy a present for them. In 11 years I think they have had a couple of Christmas presents from my sister, but that's it. She sends a birthday card for them though which is more than the uncles do. Out of the grandparents, my mum sends presents and cards and is awesome.

PILs have started to send presents at Christmas (after years of nothing) but are random with birthday presents/cards. This year they remembered the oldest 3 dcs birthdays and forgot the youngest.

My uncle had his son at the same time I had my eldest dc and we bought for each child at birthdays and Christmas until I had my second dc and he told me to it was too much effort to buy for two so was going to stop (he is wealthy). My new nephew, on the other hand is being showered in presents. Id say it was due to us living abroad, but it was exactly the same when we lived in UK.

So all in all my family is pretty rubbish! At least my dc have a good relationship with my mum.