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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask when you told colleagues/friends you were pregnant, how many weeks?

44 replies

ClassicFlourescent · 06/11/2019 13:15

I am struggling to hide my symptoms, often being sick during the day and extremely lethargic so am considering colleagues.

I am 10 weeks. Am I tempting fate?

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GlennRheeismyfavourite · 06/11/2019 13:19

I told colleagues at about 8 weeks - I know that wouldn't suit everyone. I was so sick and felt awful and had to leave school at 4 every day when I usually stayed later; I felt really paranoid about my team thinking I was slacking! I found I felt better just having a few people know. Each to their own! I don't think there's a right or wrong.

Jollitwiglet · 06/11/2019 13:22

This pregnancy I told my colleagues when I was 5 weeks. I had to due to the nature of my work. Family and friends I told after my 12 weeks scan as I was pregnant immediately following a miscarriage.

DappledThings · 06/11/2019 13:25

Whenever it came up in conversation and when I saw people. So 6 weeks for some, 6 months for others. I hate making announcements so found it really awkward. I had a miscarriage first time, didn't change my mind on just telling as and when it came up the next two times and not waiting for the first scan.

Thurmanmurman · 06/11/2019 13:26

Close friends and family straight away as I couldn't control myself! I told work after the 12 week scan with my first but with my second I was very obviously showing at 8 weeks so I told my boss.

BoomBoomBoomLetMeHearYouSay · 06/11/2019 13:26

I am 9 weeks and won’t tell colleagues until at least 12 weeks, later if I can get away with it.

Friends I will tell at 12 weeks.

Garlicandherb · 06/11/2019 13:30

I told a colleague at 8 weeks because my symptoms were pretty severe, like yours. They were a trusted friend, and didn’t let on to anyone else - it was nice to have someone know how crap I was feeling!!

Ionacat · 06/11/2019 13:31

I told the people I would tell if it went wrong and I would need for support. I told a couple of trusted colleagues at work, which gave me peace of mind if something happened as I wouldn’t have needed lengthy explanations, my sisters and a close friend. (Parents aren’t alive.)

DonnaDarko · 06/11/2019 13:32

I told my colleagues when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I told my boss at 12 weeks, and then one of my colleagues guessed cos I hadn't drunk at the Christmas party and I was CONSTANTLY EATING. I was having 6 meals a day! So after that, I decided to just tell everyone cos they gossip a lot lol

Witchinaditch · 06/11/2019 13:32

Congratulations! I mean this kindly Do you think talking about your pregnancy will automatically cause a miscarriage? You know logically that isn’t possible. The way I see it is if the worst happens you will need support so tell people who will give you support no matter what happens be that an employer or a friend.

Coldilox · 06/11/2019 13:36

Close colleagues knew I was having IVF so they knew as soon as I knew. I needed to tell work ASAP anyway due to the nature of what I do.

Parents we told immediately. Close friends early too. General announcement was after 12 week scan

snowone · 06/11/2019 13:40

I told my managers as soon as I found out due to the nature of my job (5 weeks ish) - my other colleagues after my 12 week scan.

tealandteal · 06/11/2019 13:41

I told my line manager pretty soon after we told our parents, about 6 weeks. This was so any absence would be recorded as pregnancy related. Told the rest of my team at 13 weeks, although I was lucky not to have bad sickness or other symptoms.

Areyoufree · 06/11/2019 13:41

After my 12 week scan.

AmIThough · 06/11/2019 13:44

12 - but they'd already worked it out given the fact I was sick about 7 times a day Grin

Harriett123 · 06/11/2019 13:44

My boss was the third person I told after my partner and doctors surgery. I did this the day after finding out. I work in a research lab so my work environment and my exposure to alot of stuff had to change instantly. Therefore by default half my colleagues knew long before my 12 week scan. I like my colleagues so wasnt an issue and if I had lost the baby then I know they would have been respectful.

megletthesecond · 06/11/2019 13:47

8 or 9 weeks. I had a lovely close knit group of colleagues at the time. And I was sick.

NutterPotter · 06/11/2019 13:49

Told my line manager at 10weeks as I felt rough and anxious, but for the rest of my colleague's I told them at 13 weeks and had my scan.

pinkpeoniesplease · 06/11/2019 13:52

I'm almost 17 weeks into my 4th pregnancy (1 x mc, 2 x children) and haven't told work, only told a few friends if it came up but all after 15 weeks.
It's common practice to tell my employer straight away due to the nature of the job but I'm hoping to get to 20 weeks...

PrincessHoneysuckle · 06/11/2019 13:56

10 weeks

ClassicFlourescent · 06/11/2019 14:03

@Witchinaditch I just figured that if something did go wrong, it would be harder to have to explain to all colleagues.

We are a very close knit team but I am not sure what to do. I only really have 2 weeks until its "safe" to tell people so could wait I guess.
I just think it would also feel more real for me once I tell them.

I underwent fertility treatment and it worked first time so am in a bit of shock! I have already had an 8 week scan, strong heart beat so that's good.

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TwittleBee · 06/11/2019 14:05

The day after we found out we were expecting again we told everyone.

The way I look at it, I've always had awful symptoms (so bad that I never make it to the office toilets to be sick and I go from drinking 7 cups a coffee a day to being sick at the smell of a coffee) and so to save colleagues guessing I would rather just be open about it.

After having MCs too and needing 2 days off for the ERPC op, I find it much easier to have my colleagues aware of what is happening from day 1 rather than having to find some weird excuse to drop my commitments at work.

Also I would want support from friends and family if I did have another MC.

In June, we lost our son at 5 days old so I dont know where "tempting fate" would end?

RolyHappyNorrieTagBetty · 06/11/2019 14:06

DC1- friends and family around 12/13 weeks, work at 16 weeks.
DC2- parents and some friends at 8 weeks, other family and friends at 12 weeks, work at 20 weeks.

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/11/2019 14:06

8 weeks but there was and remains a risk that I would have a blood clot so they needed to know.

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/11/2019 14:10

Actually if something does go wrong and you told your manager in advance you are likely to be offered far more support. A lot of employers only guarantee mat leave for births after 24 weeks, but if you told your manager from the start you could get compassionate leave approved for miscarriages early than this. Obviously it depends on your company / boss - if they are likely to use a miscarriage against you (or have done so in the past to other women) then don’t say anything until the last possible second.

ClassicFlourescent · 06/11/2019 14:13

My manager does know, I am wondering about colleagues.

Close colleagues know.

The last 3 or 4 days I have been in the bathroom in work, wretching! I am sure someone heard me but didn't ask if I was ok lol

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