Do you put blame on other parent when accident happen?

[Mummywife]

I don’t know how to feel so wondered if anyone else had any thoughts/advice?

My DS (15 months) has fallen and hit his eye socket on the side of a coffee table. He cried for a few minutes then back to his usual self. It has come up in a little bruise.

Last week he also bumped his head. Tonight my DH has told me that if social services knew they’d take him off us and that perhaps DS should be going to nursery as he’d be safer (than with me)

I’m really upset by this. I couldn’t have foreseen DS falling, nor can I be there to catch him every time he does fall. AIBU to be upset by my DH comments or is this my fault?

What is your DH like as a father? Is he often in sole charge of your DS? It sounds like he doesn't have a clue and is quite nasty, but some context would help.

Is your DH always such a twat?

Kids fall and get bumps and bruises.

Social services would only be interested if you were deliberately hurting your children, or if you're environment was so unsuitable as to be a hazard.

Dd is always falling or bumping herself. I said to the hv I feel like she’s always bumping herself, she looked concerned and asked what I meant. Then dd demonstrated.

You can’t protect them from every bump and fall. 15 months is a difficult age as they’re finding their feet and have no awareness.

Your DH is going to struggle through parenthood if he has to cast blame for every fall and tumble all kids have! He sounds like hard work. And not supportive. I'd nip it in the bud now. Say his comments were ridiculous and disrespectful to you and that you expect him to be more supportive in future rather than trying to make you feel bad about a typical childhood bump.

Ignore your DH. 15 months is a dangerous time! They're into everything, wobbly on their feet and they don't know what is stupid and / or dangerous!

Bloody hell, my kids bump themselves every day! No, your DH is a twat. Also, kids bump themselves at nursery. Me and the accident book are very well acquainted

Of course not! These things happen (and I assure you SS are not interested in a couple of bumps from regular childhood activities). I think your dh is being a twat, and I also think he must not do enough sole care of your ds if he doesn't understand how easily these things happen.

Toddlers and children have accidents. At home, out and about, at nursery or school, playgroups, with parents, with grandparents... Anywhere. We had a health visitor visit after 3 A&E visits in 3 months with our two year old, but no blame was attached to us.. it was considered to be just accidents. Now they are older they are regularly in school accident book

That is an extremely unkind thing to say. Extremely.

Sorry, didn’t answer your question. No I wouldn’t. One in mine fractured a bone when being baby sat. I didn’t blame anyone, it was just a silly accident.?

Well we get an accident form every few weeks from nursery from them falling over! It literally can't be helped a lot of the time.

I'd only be annoyed with the other parent if they were doing something stupid or negligent or something I'd asked them not to do (if my husband was on his phone ignoring the toddler when she was at the top of a cliff or something)

Well he's a dick. Sounds like he doesn't have a clue about kids. Tell him they have accidents at nursery too, or does he think they pad the walls and floors with pillows and have no toys, tables or chairs?

No, we try not to blame each other for things as it doesn't undo the accident pitts you against each other. We are a team, not in competition with each other

Your DH is a prick. Please tell him I said that.

What a nasty thing to say to you. A real slap in the face.

What a cunt. Kids do walk in to things and bump themselves. Wouldn't be normal otherwise???

Don't let him get to you. X

One of mine hit his head on the toilet when I was showering, the bruising was spectacular. This was in the days when health visitors popped in to see you frequently. She saw it the next day and just asked what had happened and agreed that yes, I had to be clean. She'd already had to pop round after our eldest broke his arm a few months prior as the hospital notified her routinely.

Accidents happen. Your DH is being stupid. How on earth is nursery safer? There's more children and less adults for a start.

My 12 year old had the year of hell.

Twisted ankles, bloody knees and elbows after a bike accident, covered in tick larve bites while camping, being stamped on her foot by a horse and the lasted is that the bridge of her nose needed glueing as she scrapped it open when bumping against the pool railing while swimming under water and miscalculating the distance to the wall.

Toddlers, especially when starting to walk, do loose balance and get bumps and bruises. The same when they are more secure and underestimating everything around them and overestimating their own strength and knowledge.

Btw, the worst accident at toddlerhood was at nursery when she stumpled over a toy on the floor and smashed her face in a small table. Lovely black eye.

She has a small scar in her face from being hit by a plastic dragon by another child.

She had more than one scrapped knee in the playground, at nursery and school.

Get used to it.

The first time my ex was left in sole charge of our dd for anything longer than the time it took me to pee she ended up in A&E with stitches. Yes he should have been watching her more closely. Yes you bet I was fucking angry at him.

But it was an accident. As were the multiple falls, tumbles etc that all the dcs have had. He was as mortified as me (though he did turn it round to be my fault for leaving him in charge when I went to the dentist).

Kids hurt themselves. Accidents happen and fortunately they mostly result in nothing more than a few tears, the odd scabby knee and are soothed by hugs.

It’s not the accident that’s the problem. It’s the fact that baby proofing needs to happen - you can get soft cushioned stickers to put the corners of a coffee table to prevent this type of thing. The blame for that goes equally on both of you.

Toddlers and kids bump themselves. It’s part of life. If you hovered over them constantly you’d make them anxious and overly cautious eventually. I’m much more concerned that your dh would say something so cruel to you. That is really unkind.

Your husband's being spiteful. All toddlers fall over, it's a developmental stage. It's why they are called 'toddlers' not 'walkers'.

Your DH is a nasty bastard. My toddler DD is permanently covered in bruises from falling over, bumping her head etc and I do say to DP what must nursery think he just says they probably think toddlers are like bambi on ice! So tell your DH to piss off. Horrible man.

Should have said I was angry at my ex because he was not paying attention to our dd and despite me doing the same activity with her a few times a week since she was a week old, the one and only time he was in charge she ended up injured. The anger I think was shock at having to collect them both from hospital covered in dried blood and bandaged up, plus resentment that I'd done every waking moment with her and not had a scratch.

Accidents happen. Medical professionals know that.

Your dh is a nob for saying she'd be safer at nursery.

Does he actually think no accidents happen at nursery? Or do they all get bubble wrap suits at nursery and only play with pillows all the time?

Accidents happen all the time regardless of where they are. Just last week my daughter turned around and walked head first into her peg at nursery. She fell over and scraped her knees when leaving the house. It's part of the learning process.

Sounds like he has never looked after your dd alone.