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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think PIL were unreasonable?

41 replies

TheDIsiilusionedAnarchist · 05/11/2019 18:40

Last Christmas, we visited PIL shortly after Christmas and they gave DC then 2yo, a Christmas present. Before he opened it, MIL announced to us, “this is a present for our house ok?”

DC opened a small dolls house with furniture and dolls and was thrilled. He also received a token gift to take home (I think a toy car). DC didn’t mind not taking the present home. I don’t think he understood but I thought it was unkind.

Now thinking what we should do if it happens this year, let it go or insist on taking it home? Raise it with PIL?

So were PIL unreasonable in giving a gift for ‘their house’ or I am unreasonable for being irritated (obviously there’s a wider context to our relationship which is fairly difficult)

In their defence they live locally to us and have DC for a day most weeks.

OP posts:
DriftingLeaves · 05/11/2019 18:41

I don't see anything wrong with them having toys at their house for DC if he's there that often. My parents did for when my DSs were there.

mrscampbellblackagain · 05/11/2019 18:42

Since they live locally and have him presumably for free one day a week I would let it go for now.

Whynotnowbaby · 05/11/2019 18:42

If they have your dc most weeks I think it is fair enough to want to have something nice to play with at theirs. These things are expensive and your dc presumably has a lot of toys at yours already (and presumably this wasn’t the only toy they received at Christmas either) so I think it’s fair.

NeutralJanet · 05/11/2019 18:43

Given your last line, I don't think they are being unreasonable. If your DC is there once a week he will get plenty of use of the dolls house and it will be something that's a novelty to keep him occupied when they are providing childcare for you.

PurpleDaisies · 05/11/2019 18:43

I don’t think it’s a problem either. I grew up with toys that stayed at grandparents.

PennyGold · 05/11/2019 18:43

I think it's completely fair for them to have it at their house, however.. they could have given you a heads up beforehand.

RedskyToNight · 05/11/2019 18:44

Yes, I'd be fine with that if he's there every week. The alternative is that they have to buy toys for their house (that aren't described as presents) or you have to keep moving his toys between houses.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/11/2019 18:44

I find that really cruel. Having some toys at theirs is one thing but to give a Christmas gift and then keep it there seems odd and a bit controlling.

Sheld0r · 05/11/2019 18:44

I would be glad to keep the gifts are their house. Kids get bored of the same toys. It's nice that they have something to play with when with the GPs. Also, it means less clutter in your house!

BeatriceTheBeast · 05/11/2019 18:45

I don't see a problem with this, or think it is unkind. Maybe they thought, since it's such a large thing, you might not want it taking up space in your house?

FreezerBird · 05/11/2019 18:45

Oh I'd have been thrilled if my PIL had done this when the dc were little. Presents from them were nearly always bulky or noisy or both, and we had hardly any space. I often suggested these toys could live at granny and grandpa's but they weren't keen.

I can't imagine why.

BeatriceTheBeast · 05/11/2019 18:46

And they have him a day per week? Of course they can buy him presents to use there. Do you buy him things to use at their house?

MadnessInMethod · 05/11/2019 18:47

I don't see an issue, from what you've posted they sound like perfectly nice grandparents who look after their grandchild one day a week and want to have some toys there for him to pay with.

Apolloanddaphne · 05/11/2019 18:47

My DM has had my niece one day/night a week since she was born 11 years ago. All toys given to her by DM for birthday and Christmas were kept at her house so they could be used when she stayed over. I think most of the gifts I gave her stayed there too. I think it is a good idea. This way you don't have to store all your DCs stuff at your house.

LittleOwl153 · 05/11/2019 18:49

I don't see an issue with them having toys at their house...

I can see an issue as dc get older and want to take the toy home though. Particularly if it was something they wanted especially. Would they allow that if dc wanted to? Would you do a swap around with toys at some point?

Could grandparents perhaps write a letter to santa with dc asking for some toys for their house and agree what goes on it with you so there is no issue. Perhaps not this year depending on how clued up a 3yr old dc is I guess?

Original poster
TheDIsiilusionedAnarchist · 05/11/2019 18:50

They have lots of toys in their house already but willing to accept I’m being unreasonable. It was more the announcing it when giving it and not offering DC the option to take it home if he wanted. Also my children don’t have lots of relatives buying gifts so actually it was one of four or five gifts DC got for Christmas.

I think I might need to post more about PIL and see if actually the problem is me and DH or them.

OP posts:
happytoday73 · 05/11/2019 18:51

I don't think it's a problem....they want things for them to play with at their house.

Personally we used to buy additional items for my parents at Christmas that were obviously for the kids when they were at there's... So car seats, highchair, cars, dolls, other toys etc. As getting older we get board games etc.

soontobeanana · 05/11/2019 18:55

I have my grandson at my house every week. We have lots of toys here for him - old toys that belonged to his Mommy and her siblings. Toys I've bought second hand or been given. If I buy him a present it can go where he wants it to. If he takes it home I usually 'swop' it for a toy from his house so both houses have plenty of choice.

I could never insist a present stays at our house - it belongs to him.

Expressedways · 05/11/2019 18:56

Sounds fine if he’s there once a week so actually gets to play with it and especially given that they bought him another small present to take home. Toy swap part way through the year to rotate what’s where is also a really good idea.

This won’t work if/when he’s spending less time there because he’s started full time nursery or school. If that’s on the horizon then by all means chat to them about it. Right now I’d view this as a non issue.

leghairdontcare · 05/11/2019 19:05

That's a great idea. More space at your house, he gets to play with it regularly at their house. Obviously child wasn't bothered.

Is your relationship really that difficult if you let them look after your child for one day a week? I have a great relationship with my MIL and she doesn't do that much babysitting. Just relax a bit.

SunnyupLands · 05/11/2019 19:08

Post more about the them op.

In isolation as they have him once a week I agree its not so awful.
But I do understand how annoying it is. Most gp I know who have dc regularly get toys from charity etc.

It would have been nice to have been asked..

SunnyupLands · 05/11/2019 19:10

Yy soon.

Jollitwiglet · 05/11/2019 19:14

YABU

Both sets of grandparents buy presents to keep at their houses for my daughter, and they don't even do regular childcare. Saves me having to take a load of toys with me everytime we visit

RolytheRhino · 05/11/2019 19:20

Going off the information offered thus far, I'd say YABU. Like PP, I wish my parents would give presents for use at their house only! I do encourage it- we have more toys in our living room than your average soft play. Slightly concerned about what will happen at Christmas if they give toys to be kept at our house!

1Morewineplease · 05/11/2019 19:23

It seems quite reasonable for the dolls’ house to be kept at their’s as they regularly have your dc to stay. They would love to see your dc appreciate this gift.

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