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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think PIL were unreasonable?

41 replies

TheDIsiilusionedAnarchist · 05/11/2019 18:40

Last Christmas, we visited PIL shortly after Christmas and they gave DC then 2yo, a Christmas present. Before he opened it, MIL announced to us, “this is a present for our house ok?”

DC opened a small dolls house with furniture and dolls and was thrilled. He also received a token gift to take home (I think a toy car). DC didn’t mind not taking the present home. I don’t think he understood but I thought it was unkind.

Now thinking what we should do if it happens this year, let it go or insist on taking it home? Raise it with PIL?

So were PIL unreasonable in giving a gift for ‘their house’ or I am unreasonable for being irritated (obviously there’s a wider context to our relationship which is fairly difficult)

In their defence they live locally to us and have DC for a day most weeks.

OP posts:

Bluerussian · 05/11/2019 19:44

I'd let it go as they live near and see him often. It means less clutter for your home.

When he's older he might want to bring it home but for now, won't be bothered.

Spied · 05/11/2019 19:48

I'd let it go.

shearwater · 05/11/2019 19:49

I think it's lovely for him to have special toys that stay at granny's. My DDs always have, and also see PIL once a week.

Do you really want extra tots cluttering up the place? I was always glad they kept some there!

Winterdaysarehere · 05/11/2019 19:58

When dc is old enough to ask to take it home I would be worried pil want to 'win' by saying they can't. Imo if a dc can't decide where the gift 'lives' it isn't really theirs...
And that's shitty behaviour by an adult.

Skittlesandbeer · 05/11/2019 20:21

My DM does this, but the difference is DD hardly goes to their place. DM doesn’t like disruption of their routine, or the inevitable mess kids make.

I can tell you that it’s far harder when I’ve had to explain to DD why she’ll unlikely see the great new toy for months! She regularly outgrows the toys and clothes at the GP’s house, which makes DM mad and start muttering about gifts being ‘a waste of money’. Nice, huh?

I especially enjoyed a couple of xmas’s ago when DM stole my present idea, something DD really wanted (and a bit needed). So she technically ‘got it for xmas’ then next saw it at Easter. By july I’d bought her another one for everyday use. You can imagine how well that went over with Granny!

Just be glad of all the childcare, OP, and that he’s building memories with them.

firawla · 05/11/2019 20:26

I wouldn’t like that either op yanbu

BestZebbie · 05/11/2019 20:58

I think for a doll's house that is considerate. They take up a lot of room!

NoSauce · 05/11/2019 21:02

It seems pretty entitled to expect to take the present home. They have every right to keep it at their house.

Teachermaths · 05/11/2019 21:03

I think this is fine. We were the other extreme and told grandparents any toys they got had to stay in their houses as we had no room.

They seem reasonable based on this one incident. However post more if you think context will help.

Girlsmummy30 · 05/11/2019 21:06

My Inlaws keep All Xmas presents for the girls at their home. And it suits me better as santa gets carried away in my house
Plus it's nice to not have to worry about packing toys etc for kids day at Inlaws and sleepovers

Justmuddlingalong · 05/11/2019 21:11

I would worry that a precedent has been set. A 2 year old might be oblivious, but he'll be 3 this year and old enough to realise it's his present, but not able to play with it very regularly.

80skid · 05/11/2019 21:27

My in laws used to do this, and it was fine, as my child did spend time at their house. The issue came later, when they didn't spend any time with my subsequent children, let alone at their house, but the gifts were "between all of the grandchildren ", which essentially meant their cousin's gift budget just got trebled and my kids got, err......

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/11/2019 21:32

If I had my granddaughter a day a week I would buy her toys to keep at my house, they wouldn't be Christmas or birthday presents though.

holidays987 · 05/11/2019 21:41

My parents have some toys at their house for the DC. Some of which have been Xmas / bday presents. Often we leave puzzles & games at their house as at ours that kind of thing get lost or bits missing. So it makes sense. And DC enjoy seeing the toys at their house.

I don't think it's U.

tillytrotter1 · 07/11/2019 01:52

As GPs we had a similar but different situation, our daughter wanted the drum set to stay with us but insisted she took it home so our granddaughter could play with it every day!

Soon2BeMumof3 · 07/11/2019 02:28

I would be fine with this, especially as your son is there regularly.

I'd actually prefer it to GP giving large toys (or worse, toys with many small pieces that require repeated tidying) that clutter up my home and create housework.

If you're worried your DS will get upset now he's older, just say that to them ahead of time

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