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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with my mum.

32 replies

jazhunt · 05/11/2019 12:06

Hey everyone.
So about some time now, when I was pregnant with my boy, I had a baby shower where I invited 20+ people.
The week leading up to this, my mum wa a behaving very difficult, she announced on FB the name of my child when the other side of the family didn't know it yet, when asked to take it down she kicked off. Then once we sorted that, she was making 0 attempt sorting my baby shower out, and everytime I asked she told me to stop going on. So my partner was very good and baked the cakes and got people together to decorate and made it look amazing. She was going to turn up with some sausage rolls and a couple of balloons on the way here. She made a cake and because she put the name on the cake, I asked her to remove it as she again took a picture and put it on FB, she threw the cake on the floor and took a picture whilst giving me a load of abuse. She then led rmy partner, who may I add had no involvement with any of what was going on and was keeping our of it, abusive and threatening messages.

She turned up at the baby shower 20 mins before all my friends got there and completely ignored me. I tried to be civil and ask her to have a chat with me upstairs and she kicked off, I was heavily pregnant and had been in and out of hospital all week with high blood pressure and low fetal movement. She had me pinned against the sink pointing and shouting in my face. It become enough and for the sake of the baby's health. I had to ask her to leave. Which she didn't do nicely. After that I expected her to turn up at my house wanting to sort it out, instead i sent her a message explaining why I was upset and that I wanted to sort it out. She text back telling me to message her when I had grown up. It was so upsetting. She then went on to turn my brothers and sisters against me and as pathetic as it is got everyone ti block and delete me in Facebook. She has gone on to publish a poem about me and its pretty nasty. Am I being u reasonable still not seeing her. She's been a right nightmare my whole life and I have put up with a lot of shit from her.
But with this situation am I over reacting?

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 05/11/2019 12:09

She sounds really toxic to be honest and I wouldn't want her around my child full stop

KnickerBockerAndrew · 05/11/2019 12:10

Choose the future of your child over the horrible toxic relationship you have with this woman. She is NOT worth it.

HighNetGirth · 05/11/2019 12:11

Not overreacting at all. Take this as an opportunity to break free of her.

mbosnz · 05/11/2019 12:12

She sounds vicious and cruel. I'd enjoy not having to deal with her. Leave her to it.

And no, you are not overreacting.

Winterdaysarehere · 05/11/2019 12:15

My dm was rubbish. She proved to be a crap dgm also.
Been nc for years.
Your dc will come to no harm without her around.
Same can't be said if you let her back in I reckon.
She physically assaulted you while heavily pregnant. She gave no thought for your unborn baby.
Keep her away op. In time your siblings may be strong enough to tell her to fuck off also.
Put all your time onto your new baby and don't give them a second thought honestly...

Cobblersandhogwash · 05/11/2019 12:16

Please don't let your child be subjected to this woman. She sounds horrendous.

I'd go no contact from now on.

RhinoskinhaveI · 05/11/2019 12:20

Attacking you when you're pregnant and vulnerable, she is a Predator moving in on you when you're weak
This is a really really bad sign, you need to cut her out of your life as soon as possible
don't see this as a falling out, see it as the point where you saw the light and realised you needed to protect yourself from your mother

Wattagoose90 · 05/11/2019 12:21

Ahhh OP that's such a difficult situation for you. I'm sorry you're in this situation but you're not being unreasonable here. Your mum sounds like a nightmare. Even if you reached out to take accountability (which I don't suggest you should as it's basically all her fault), it sounds like she just doesn't have any clue about how badly behaved she's been, which means she'd probably do it over and over again.

Doesn't make it any easier for you though. I feel for you!

Original poster
jazhunt · 05/11/2019 12:22

Thanks everyone. To hear that I'm not the only one that thinks this has made me feel better. My brothers and sister tell me I should speak to her it's been long enough now. But I don't think I can put myself through it. It's been 4 years now. Do you think there can ever be a too long time with someone like this?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 05/11/2019 12:25

I'm sure it would be a lot more comfortable for your brother and sister if you began to play happy families again - but would it be more comfortable for you?

I'm sorry, but if my mother physically assaulted me, when I was heavily pregnant no less, it would be a cold day in hell before I'd be going cap in hand to 'talk to her'. She could fuck right off to the far side of off, and then fuck off some more. And a bit more. Right over the edge of a yawning pit, as far as I was concerned.

Let alone all the rest of her shenanigans.

messolini9 · 05/11/2019 12:30

Cut her out, OP.
You will never be allowed to be right, or comfortable, or happy while she has her hooks in you.
Some people just enjoy causing misery & upset.
I am glad your DP is supportive. Focus on making your own, non-batshit family, & disengage completely from your horrible mother & her antics.

onthecoins · 05/11/2019 12:31

Why on earth would you want such a toxic person back in your life?

HighNetGirth · 05/11/2019 12:31

Has she changed? Would your relationship be different? Would it be better? Unless you can say yes to all three questions, what would be the point of restoring contact? It certainly isn’t something you should do just to make life a bit more comfortable for your brothers and sisters.

Winterdaysarehere · 05/11/2019 12:32

20 years of nc here op. No intentions of that ever changing...

LannisterLion1 · 05/11/2019 12:35

She's abusive as are your siblings for condoning and enabling her abuse of you. Protect yourself, your dc and dp. Stay nc and refuse to engage with flying monkey siblings.

Stately homes thread is good to post on for support too.

Original poster
jazhunt · 05/11/2019 12:52

No she hasn't changed. She's alright all the time your doing what she wants. She's very maniplitive. She's very good at playing the victim. But after 4 years she's never tried to contact me, I guess she isn't really that bothered right?

OP posts:
HighNetGirth · 05/11/2019 12:52

Right!

RhinoskinhaveI · 05/11/2019 13:07

You say she's manipulative but we can all see straight through her so she's not that clever is she
Just get rid

EmmiJay · 05/11/2019 13:09

Was she jealous of your relationship with your son's father maybe? (That is a huge problem I've heard). She sounds very envious and mean.

IrrationalIrational · 05/11/2019 13:13

Your definitely not over reacting - I mean to put your hands on a pregnant woman Shock I wouldn’t dream of putting my hands on anybody let alone a pregnant woman who’s under a lot of stress. Op cut her out of your life until your baby is here you need to take care of yourself & your BaBa. You don’t want her acting like this around your baby. That’s awful. Don’t involve her in anything bad for your siblings I’d send a message & explain your side & say it’s up to you whether you believe me or not. But I won’t be coming running

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/11/2019 13:16

Keep NC with her. Yes, it's horrible but she sounds absolutely vile and manipulative.

If it's any consolation, I went NC with my sister 3 years ago and don't regret it at all. She's still vile. She's still abusing my Mum (while using her for free child care EVERY DAY) but I don't have to listen to her slagging everyone off and bitching about her husband.

Don't let your siblings make you feel guilty either. Just focus on what's best for you and DS.

Ponoka7 · 05/11/2019 13:19

She's abusive towards you and that won't change.

One of my regrets, even now though my mother has died is not going NC and allowing my eldest to build a relationship with her.

On my 2nd and 3rd pregnancy i had to go NC because of the emotional damage she was inflicting on me. I think she was the reason for my PND after my second.

What your Siblings are really saying is that you aren't worthy of any better behaviour. Their opinion shouldn't be taken on board.

For the sake of your MH stay NC.

Original poster
jazhunt · 05/11/2019 13:28

Thank you for all your replys. Yeah I think she was so worried about my partner 'taking me away' from her. He isn't like that. She was paranoid. The first christmas I brought my partner to her house on christmas day, I was pregnant, she sat their and cried and said I would probably get postnatal depression because she did. I done everything in my power to make sure I didn't. But what a thing to say.
She stood in my kitchen the day of my baby shower. And said this is all I wanted etc. She was really jealous. My stepdad never even spent her birthday with her he would rather work.

OP posts:
Notwiththeseknees · 05/11/2019 13:29

Why do you want this woman in your life again? Do you want emotional blackmail, aggression and drama?
Just accept that she is toxic and you have no space in your life for someone like that - don't feel bad about it - it is what it is - she's abusive & you don't want to be abused.

Jimjamjong · 05/11/2019 13:40

You haven't fallen out with her, you have stopped contact with her due to her awful behaviour. None of this is your fault.

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