Am I being petty now?

[redappleandaquamarinebow1987]

So recently I got blocked by a friend who said due to our differences she no longer wants to be my friend. I tried to message and say we don't need to politically agree to be friends etc but she had blocked me by that time. What we had disagreed about is a certain banning of private schools. I tried to rationally discuss why it would not work and how it would make the inequalities even bigger. I have no problem with people disagreeing but she kept flooding my phone with messages. I was on holiday at disney so really had better things to do then agrue over what I thought was a trivial subject at the moment. It was when she started with the personal attacks such as 'i guess we are so diffrent some times sacrafices have to be made for the benefit of the community' so I got a bit petty and said 'maybe people earning over 25k a year and are childless can pay a bit more tax to fund the improvement of the schools' I don't think that is the solution either but I wanted to see how she would react if she thought she would be having to make sacrifices. To give an accurate picture this friend goes on 5 forgein trips a year, eats out every night as a food shop is such boring grind, and goes on 5-10 fun weekend away to enjoy a niche subculture hobby. I don't begrudge her any of this she works bloody hard for it. Anyway this caused a response that people on 25k are barely getting by as it is. I then said 'sacrafices have to be made' which is the exact thing she said to me. Not my finest hour but was by that point just fed up of her personal attacks. All this led to me being blocked on every way of contact. Now I knew her well enough to know she had run right onto twitter to vent.

I was a bit down as I had been a good supportive friend until that point. If she ever needed to vent I was there for her to listen and be on her side. If she was sick I would check up on her, message to ask how she was doing, during her year abroad if she was home sick or lonely I would send treats her way to cheer her up a bit and just tried to be there for her. I did talk to fiancé about the situation and concluded if she should calm down and want to be friends again I would be happy though I am not sure the strain and awkwardness this has caused will ever fully go away.

3 weeks ago I made a new twitter dedicated to books and reading etc. I have really been getting into booktube and wanted to be part of it to engage with other people that like to read. So I set up a twitter in time for victober and shared my victorian book list I was going to read that month etc.

Anyway with my new twitter I was now able to see my former friend's twitter so I thought I would have a peak at what she said about our argument etc. I have to say after reading it she has burned any bridges by posting what she said. It was completely slanderous. She literally called my view on banning private school extremist right wing (obivius lie), that I was flooding her phone (i send 1 message for ever 5 she send so that was another lie, that she was crying begging me to stop to agree to disagree etc( again another lie). The amount of patronising snide comments from her I had put up with that I read on twitter (hurtful as I was just trying to be a good friend and trying to give advice about her health and work etc and was told I don't understand how the office world works etc) I was already used to but this took things to a new level I feel and are down right slanderous. If she came to apologise now I would no longer be interested in any attempt to patch things up. Thing is making friends is hard for me. I am rather shy so was happy to find someone that shared some interests with me etc. Another issue is that it is a niche hobby so I do keep dreading I will see her at an event if I go to one etc. Am I beinf petty at all to say that the lies she said online is the final straw and there is no way back?

Some people can’t take criticism and can’t comprehend that you might hold different views to them. To fall out so totally over something like this is ridiculous. And going online to bitch and lie about another person is incredibly childish.

If I were you I would probably draw a line under it and move on. Don’t give up your hobby for fear of bumping into her. Just carry on your life as normal.

In the unlikely event that she approaches you and wants to be friends again I would just explain how hurtful her tweets were and see what her defense is.

🙄 all this social media bollocks.

Either talk to each other like adults, or move on.

@user1480880826 thank you. I feel more hurt about the lies then the block. I will continue to enjoy the hobby as much as I can. My health can make travel difficult but I do try to go and am lucky to have a fiancé supportive and interested enough to go with me though we enjoy different aspects.

@CAG12 she blocked me. I was happy to just agree to disagree etc. It's the lies that bother me more

🙄

@redapple My ex-friend was a right bitch to me in similar circumstances. We’d been mates for 15 years! I think a lot of it came down to jealousy though as i’d Always been her sad single mum mate who could never get a boyfriend. Always a sad tale to tell who could boost her confidence and make her feel better about herself. However, about a year before she was so cruel to me and we fell out, I met my DH and things really turned around. I’m now married and we own our own property with well paid jobs. She on the other hand has been waiting for a proposal for at least 10 years, shared ownership property and both of them in poorly paid jobs. Oh how the tables have turned. I was sad at the time but have moved on and met some new mates and reconnected with old ones.

Ohh social media fall outs.
You are not wrong for not wanting to her in your life for lying, i despise liars and social media. Don't stop your classes because of it, if you see her just front it out as you would have to if you would have had this disagreement face to face.

@SuperMeerkat I am so glad things turned out well for you :). Congratulations on both the marriage and career 😃. I think the only thing to do as suggested is draw a line in the sand etc

@tigger001 I am lucky it's not classes but conventions for that the hobby revolves around. We do enjoy slightly different aspects so we could be at the same venue and not see each other. There was one we both enjoyed but it is one I can avoid now I have been once and experienced it lol. I guess if we do see each other unless she approaches me I will not seek out any contact

What the very devil is a 'niche subculture hobby?'

@MrOnionsBumperRoller I guess it is not as niche these days but it's japan pop so the different types of anime, maid cafes, para para, jpop, japanese idol groups, games etc

Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves.
All that twaddle about books is you rationalising your decision to snoop on her.
You were both at fault. You should not have been arguing with a friend over politics.
You should have agreed to disagree and gone back to Mickey.
Yes she is mean to lash out on Twitter, but then again you knew that was going to be the case before your sudden interest in tweeting about books.
And yabu about public schools

@hazell42 she was the one that instigated the topic. All I said is the girls next door are homeschooled as the local school is shit and that I was happy I was lucky to be in a position to have a choice etc then she is the one that went on a political rant. Should I let her insult me as if she is somehow a moraly superior because she is a favour of something that will never effect her?

I would say the behaviour sounds about equal on both sides. Do you mind me asking how old you are?

@Tableclothing she is 33 I am 32. My issue is not her blocking nor her even disagreeing. I have issues with me being slandered online. That is my issue. She repeatedly says she never wants to have kids so for her to say sacrafices have to be made knowing it will never effect her is nothing but hypocritical. I would like to know where my behavior has been as bad as her's so please do explain

I'm a little confused about the sacrifices issue in relation to the main point you were arguing about. If people can afford private school. they're loaded, so what sacrifices are they making? Were you meaning sacrificing the handing your child a significant and unfair advantage at the expense of less wealthy families? Bit lost there.

But to the main point, it sounds like you have got very different views about this and she finds your more right-wing approach a little offensive. It's a bit daft to discuss this via text probably. Maybe she'd have experienced you as less bigoted if you talked on the phone or in person.

I'd probably be able to move on from the argument but find it reprehensible for her to put details on social media. I would not want to be friends with someone who thought that was acceptable.

Lol at you setting up a new Twitter account for books. That's bollocks and you know it, you just wanted to snoop and are trying to justify it. The way you've spoken about her here makes it clear you don't like her either so I'd draw a line under that friendship and forget about it

I got a bit petty and said 'maybe people earning over 25k a year and are childless can pay a bit more tax to fund the improvement of the schools'

I couldn't follow your argument with her on schools. And the bit I've quoted, are you really saying childless people should pay more, or were you being ironic?

OP just leave it. It doesn't sound as though she's going to hound you to be friends again, she sounds as fed up of you as you are of her. So just leave well alone.
And stop snooping on her social media

Do you have autism?

Your friendship is over, she sounds extremely hard work. My friends and I have wildly different views on many things, but we have enough respect for each other not to make it an issue.

Does she suffer from MH issues?

I would not worry about the 'lies' no one is going to care anyway, and she probably just comes across as unhinged.

Find some new friends that are a little more easy going and let this rot away organically. Stop posting your life on the internet, it will end badly.

If people can afford private school. they're loaded, so what sacrifices are they making? They may be working 90 hours a week to fund it, so yes the sacrifice may be time as an example.

This age of “Distance yourself from negativity” is really damaging imho. If you are being mistreated it’s one thing but if you are randomly ditching friends because they aren’t blissfully happy all the time, despite the fact they have been a good and loyal friend for years then it’s not so good. Ghosting people is like firing someone without notice or explanation- it’s hurtful and upsetting. At least you know why! I would send her a message saying that you were upset that she has slandered you, that although you have disagreed on this subject you thought the friendship was good. Put the ball back into her court. Experience has taught me that being rude always rebounds, much better to agree to disagree!

Step away, put it down to experience. If a friend blocks you for holding a different opinion then they're not a real friend. If you bump into her, ignore her. If she tries to speak to you, ask her why she blocked you for holding a different view to her.

Also, the people questioning you setting up a new Twitter account. You don't need to have a Twitter account to read other people's.

@ 73Sunglasslover sacrafice in that this banning will mean less of a school choice. You are forced to send the child to the nearest school failing or not, you don't get to select a school based on an ethos you agree with etc. She was vague enough to not explain what the argument was about other then mine being 'extrimist far right' so looks like a completely rational victim. I have no appetite to call her out on it and will leave her to her delusional lies