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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being petty now?

82 replies

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 05/11/2019 06:29

So recently I got blocked by a friend who said due to our differences she no longer wants to be my friend. I tried to message and say we don't need to politically agree to be friends etc but she had blocked me by that time. What we had disagreed about is a certain banning of private schools. I tried to rationally discuss why it would not work and how it would make the inequalities even bigger. I have no problem with people disagreeing but she kept flooding my phone with messages. I was on holiday at disney so really had better things to do then agrue over what I thought was a trivial subject at the moment. It was when she started with the personal attacks such as 'i guess we are so diffrent some times sacrafices have to be made for the benefit of the community' so I got a bit petty and said 'maybe people earning over 25k a year and are childless can pay a bit more tax to fund the improvement of the schools' I don't think that is the solution either but I wanted to see how she would react if she thought she would be having to make sacrifices. To give an accurate picture this friend goes on 5 forgein trips a year, eats out every night as a food shop is such boring grind, and goes on 5-10 fun weekend away to enjoy a niche subculture hobby. I don't begrudge her any of this she works bloody hard for it. Anyway this caused a response that people on 25k are barely getting by as it is. I then said 'sacrafices have to be made' which is the exact thing she said to me. Not my finest hour but was by that point just fed up of her personal attacks. All this led to me being blocked on every way of contact. Now I knew her well enough to know she had run right onto twitter to vent.

I was a bit down as I had been a good supportive friend until that point. If she ever needed to vent I was there for her to listen and be on her side. If she was sick I would check up on her, message to ask how she was doing, during her year abroad if she was home sick or lonely I would send treats her way to cheer her up a bit and just tried to be there for her. I did talk to fiancé about the situation and concluded if she should calm down and want to be friends again I would be happy though I am not sure the strain and awkwardness this has caused will ever fully go away.

3 weeks ago I made a new twitter dedicated to books and reading etc. I have really been getting into booktube and wanted to be part of it to engage with other people that like to read. So I set up a twitter in time for victober and shared my victorian book list I was going to read that month etc.

Anyway with my new twitter I was now able to see my former friend's twitter so I thought I would have a peak at what she said about our argument etc. I have to say after reading it she has burned any bridges by posting what she said. It was completely slanderous. She literally called my view on banning private school extremist right wing (obivius lie), that I was flooding her phone (i send 1 message for ever 5 she send so that was another lie, that she was crying begging me to stop to agree to disagree etc( again another lie). The amount of patronising snide comments from her I had put up with that I read on twitter (hurtful as I was just trying to be a good friend and trying to give advice about her health and work etc and was told I don't understand how the office world works etc) I was already used to but this took things to a new level I feel and are down right slanderous. If she came to apologise now I would no longer be interested in any attempt to patch things up. Thing is making friends is hard for me. I am rather shy so was happy to find someone that shared some interests with me etc. Another issue is that it is a niche hobby so I do keep dreading I will see her at an event if I go to one etc. Am I beinf petty at all to say that the lies she said online is the final straw and there is no way back?

OP posts:
didofido · 05/11/2019 11:31

" If you made the dig at her for not having children and earning good money, I would understand why she blocked you. That's nasty."

How is that nasty? O.P. says ex- friend never wants children, and enjoys spending her earnings.

If O.P has children, and finds she can either pay school fees or find a state school she likes but is some distance away, why should she not make a choice for her own children? No one else's business.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 05/11/2019 11:32

The moral brigade are out in force on this one.

DiabloDi · 05/11/2019 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeePipe · 05/11/2019 12:02

Eugh the classic mumsnet "lets argue against the op and make out the other person is in the right no matter what". My gran does that too. No op i dont think you are wrong for not wanting anything to do with the silly cunt anymore. I cant be fucked with idiots who fall out over stupid opinion clashes. Happened to me once. Posted a photo of an injury i sustained at work and nothing else and had an ex friend threaten to sue me telling me i was abusive and needed to lose my job then blocked me yet her husband still snoops on my facebook. People are weird. Loads and loads of my friends have very different views to my own and not one have i ever fell out with because we are adults.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 05/11/2019 12:26

@GeePipe oh no I hope the injury has fully healed by now. What an awful friend. Some friends we are better without. And yes I agree all my other friends are fine with not everyone always agreeing. We agree to disagree and move onto other topics and avoid it in the future. Also this is the only friend where a different view turned into a argument 😞.

OP posts:
menopause59 · 05/11/2019 12:31

You both sound very childish, probably best your friendship is over

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 12:48

😒

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