How to shut this down. Grey rock not effective.

[strongestsmile]

I've posted before about a man with whom I got very close.Nothing extraordinary happened, he met his now girlfriend and our contact went from multiple times a day to once or twice a week.
He continued to message intense stuff for six months or so after meeting his girlfriend. Suddenly, he stopped contact and months later told me that he felt it was time to pull
Away. I completely agreed and told him that the contact from him was verging on inappropriate ( following advice on here).I believe, for many other reasons ,that his girlfriend figured that he was in too much contact and made him end the intensity.
Moving on two months, I've continued the grey rock advice I received but he has now upped his contact, looking for praise, attention, affirmation. He is not getting anything from me which is frustrating for him and for me . Perhaps he is missing the ego boost.His relationship is committed and serious I believe. So what now? Thanks for reading.

Block

What do you mean by grey rock - I mean have you actually said "please stop contacting me"?

What are you responding? Or are you not?

What do you mean by intense? Sexual stuff?

We work together and yes I've said that the contact is too much when he suggested we cut back contact.I totally agreed and he did stop for two months but. Ow is right back at the contact again.I'm a coward about this.
Grey rock is when you give one word answer or comment and basically try to bore them so much that they won't make contact as the person is not getting anything out of the communication.

Agree. I think grey rock is more for an abusive type relationship where you're not trying to provoke a reaction. You just need to say stop contacting me. What's in it for you in maintaining contact?

It's super inappropriate if you work together. Can you ask a higher up for advice?

Intense as in first thing in the morning, late at night, when out with friends, drunk texting, sexual stuff but not personal to me.Suggesting we do things together that would seem more appropriate for couples to do together.not sexual but social activities.
My response are normally yes/ no/ not sure or just ignore the message. The less I engage the more he pushes for contact.
The contact doesn't freak me out or make me feel threatened or anything of the sort. It just feels wrong. I hope I'm making some sense.

I'm not sure the grey rock approach is what you need here. This isn't about dealing with a toxic, narcissist it's about telling a creepy guy that his attention is no longer wanted.

You need to be blunt here i.e. I don't want you to contact me at all ever. Then you block him.

No need for grey rock, block and ignore.

Block. It's the most sensible course of action.

I don't understand why you haven't just blocked him. Do you need to be in contact professionally? Is he contacting you on a work phone/email?

Ok. I've avoided doing that as we work together every day and it would be awkward. As I said, I'm a coward.part o f me feels that if I feed his ego, he'll bugger off again.

OP have you posted about this about 6,345 times?

You haven't blocked him because you are enjoying his attention.

I think you need to admit to yourself that you’ve enjoyed this texting thing, and the attention. It’s not just his ego being boosted.

That’s the real reason you haven’t blocked him, or been direct. I mean ‘I’d like to go back to communicating only on work issues, and only if necessary. I’m finding this pretty unprofessional’ isn’t hard to write, is it?

Be clear, and hold your boundary. Just send the same message in response every time (as above). If it keeps going, show the messages to a manager at work. He’s had fair warning(s).

Nothing now.

Stop replying to his messages. Unless urgent. Which I imagine none are.

Every message he sends, delete it straight away. What are you getting from this??

Stop replying to his messages unless it's about work

I am a little weak and hate confrontation.I dread a bad atmosphere which in a small office would be obvious and uncomfortable.
I don't like getting the messages. They are vacuous nonsense most of the time or photos of him or stories glorifying his existence. It's boring and repetitive but I hate a bad atmosphere. I have his number on mute and the more I don't respond the more he messages. I guess I am going to have to bite the bullet.
As for posting thousands of times, no I haven't but did post during a summer afternoon this year when it was also getting too much. That's when I got the grey rock advice and a poster also mentioned something called triangulation which put me right off him as a person.Im polite and perhaps a walkover but he probably knows that.

Block. It will take him a while to notice. Also I am willing to bet he's messaging multiple women, not just you.

I think he is too.most of his friends are female. He is a charmer who thrives on attention and having his ego stroked.

I agree with others who say grey rock is for other situations, like an abusive x or a narc x that you have to divorce or co parent.

Just completely ignore this guy if he texts you.

If you work together can you speak to someone about his unwanted attention towards you, that it’s at inappropriate times of day and the quantity is too much?

You keep posting about him and everyone tell you to just block him, but you never do. IIRC you were told that you really need to cool it off for the sake of your marriage and it does sound like you have, but perhaps he's not willing to ease off because he's interested in more just friendship.

Its not you creating the bad atmosphere though, is it. Block him.