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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let 17 year old dd go to this party?

53 replies

QualitySweet · 04/11/2019 17:58

Dd is just 17, year 12. The friendship groups have been shaken up a lot since the start of 6th form and she's been hanging out with some new people.

She wants to go to a house party, on a school night. She's never mentioned the friend who's birthday it is, but she says there's going to be a lot of people there. Drinking and stuff, usual teen party.

My reasoning for not wanting her to go is
-She's never mentioned the friend before, if she had I might feel differently
-The house is out in the sticks, she can't stay over and she's too scared to get an uber apparently so I'll have to stay up until stupid o'clock in the morning to go and get her, plus she'll be tired at school the next day
-She hasn't been doing too well at school, messing around in lessons, not doing homework, showing up late.

Aibu to say she can't go? I know she's 17 but I still think my house my rules.

OP posts:
ToniHargis · 04/11/2019 17:59

No you're not. My teen's a boy, doing v well at school and I still wouldn't be letting him go to a late party, where there's drinking, and if I had to stay up - on a school night.
I'm not even keen on them at the weekend.

Mammylamb · 04/11/2019 18:00

Would have said yabu. But as its a schoolnight i wouldn't want her to go.either

ActualHornist · 04/11/2019 18:00

Honestly I think the only legit reason is that she wants a lift home.

Legit as in, she could just go otherwise.

AnyFucker · 04/11/2019 18:02

Wouldn't be happening here

If she isn't mature enough to get herself home, she isn't old enough to go

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/11/2019 18:02

YANBU.

Mumofboth · 04/11/2019 18:03

My daughter is in the same year group and knows that school nights are a no-go. 17 or not they are still in school the next day. Big fat no, based purely on the fact that it’s a school night.

areyouafraidofthedark · 04/11/2019 18:04

The lift home would be enough from a no from me.

PennyNotSoWise · 04/11/2019 18:08

Won't be very, erm...popular if you say no, will she?

viccytwiffy · 04/11/2019 18:08

r u kidding. on a school night. you already know that answer!

out of the questions!!

KatherineJaneway · 04/11/2019 18:09

YANBU

Singlenotsingle · 04/11/2019 18:09

No. You're not being U. School tomorrow. If she'd been doing well at school, then maybe. But she hasn't.

okeydokeygirl · 04/11/2019 18:11

If can't get herself to and from a party herself then she is not mature enough to make this decision for herself. At 17 I and left home and went where I liked but I think YANBU to say no she can't go if she is reliant on you to be her taxi.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/11/2019 18:12

Well if she is expecting lifts YANBU, could she not share a taxi with a friend?!

Wasrelaxing · 04/11/2019 18:14

I'd be concerned at letting my 17 year old go to a house that I didn't know that was allowing their child to have a late night drinking party on a school night. I couldn't trust those parents to supervise.
I could however be tempted to allow a driveby where my 17 year old popped in for an hour or two and then I'd pick up.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 04/11/2019 18:14

At 17 it is hard to stop her if she is determined but you are not required to facilitate via lifts or anything else.

(I left home at 17 and moved 200 miles away from my parents so am not in a position to say 17 year olds should not be allowed to make their own choices but if you make your own choices you deal with your own organisation of them and live with your own consequences)

Mrsjayy · 04/11/2019 18:14

I don't drive but Dh wouldn't have picked them up at stupid oclock he would have compromised by picking up at 11ish but you are quite right not to accomodate her on a school night.

lljkk · 04/11/2019 18:14

I would NOT stop her going on these reasons:
She's never mentioned the friend before *
The house is out in the sticks

I WOULD stop her going on these reasons (so basically I'd be a no)
I'll have to stay up until stupid o'clock in the morning to go and get her
she'll be tired at school the next day
She hasn't been doing too well at school...showing up late.

  • either you've raised her to make sensible decisions about who to spend time with or not. By 17, this hurdle should be done.
Witchinaditch · 04/11/2019 18:16

School night no way

Jimdandy · 04/11/2019 18:16

You’re lucky she asks. When I was that age I just came and went when I pleased.

rainbowconfetti · 04/11/2019 18:18

I think the 'she has never mentioned this friend' applies when you are 7 not 17 tbh. She doesn't have to mention them.

School night, wouldn't really fuss me either.

The lift thing? I would do it, but equally I can see why you may not want to.

ChickenAndPotatoes · 04/11/2019 18:19

Well, she's 17, so I'd normally say yes let her go But I'm a bit concerned about why another teenager is having a party on a school night(?) Sounds a bit dodgy to me! I'd say she could go, but only for a bit and I'd be picking her up early - or at least getting her to ring me to let me know what's going on and if all is ok

user1374384 · 04/11/2019 18:21

If it's a school night, I have to make the assumption that the parents are away that night so high risk of it turning wild. Or the parents do know and have okayed it, in which case I wouldn't trust their judgement.

stucknoue · 04/11/2019 18:21

On a school night I would say yes but pick up at 11pm. Generally they stayed over but never asked to go out on a school night

1066vegan · 04/11/2019 18:22

YNBU

I'd take a lot of persuading to let my dd (also 17) go to a late party on a school night. If she's not keeping up with school work then it's got to be a definite no.

Spied · 04/11/2019 18:23

Well quite honestly I'd be pleased she's asked for a lift. Think it shows she's unlikely to be getting off her face drunk and I'd be pleased she's been honest with you about where the party is and that there will be drinking there. Unlikely to be indulging in too wild a behaviour if she sees getting an Uber as risky.
At her age I didn't tell my parents anything at all and lied and did as I pleased and as a consequence ended up in all sorts of scrapes.
I'd let her go. At the moment shes open and honest with you. I'd be encouraging this- and remembering what it's like to be 17.
I'd be worried next time a party comes up and you haven't allowed her to this one whether she will be as honest.
Say you'll pick her up half an hour earlier if the time is really an issue.
I'd be chatting about school and telling her that things must improve if she's after a social life and going to future parties though.

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