DH forgot DDs bday 2nd yr running

[Summertime2]

Feeling so irritated that for the second year in a row DH has forgotten DDs bday and himself scheduled "important" work events on that evening. So now I will have to cheer her up - she's turning 12 and was talking about us all having a family dinner - and he's being shitty with me for suggesting that he put his own daughter's birthday in his diary.

Poor DD. He's not going to melt if he has his child's birthday annually recurring in his bloody diary! What a douche.

Ladybirdman to me, it’s not really the fact that he’s going to miss it. Thing happen, and my own dad was away at Sea for months at a time during my childhood so I’m completely understanding that sometimes work must be prioritised

It’s more the fact that here there was a clear flexibility on when to schedule the work event, and the DH completely failed to realise it was his DDs bday for the second year in a row. It’s not like he had limited options and weighed up the risk of having it on a different date. And then, to top it off, he’s expecting his wife to cover for him yet again rather than just having a conversation with his own daughter.

I hate it when people 'fuck up' and then take it out on others by being shitty! Wish they would just own their mistake.

Hope DD has a lovely birthday and DH does the right thing or at least makes it up to her

If he's the one who has to tell his daughter he doesn't value her enough to book her birthday off, he may think twice about making this three years running. By trying to insulate her from hurt, you're insulating him from consequence. And given the next consequence of that is more of the same, it's clearly not in her interests. He needs to feel the discomfort and guilt of this if you want there to be the slightest chance anything could change.

I think posters are being very judgy ie not valuing his daughter etc . My husband loves and adores our children but I can guarantee that he might not be able to remember their exact birthdays if I asked him now. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t care !! Also surely you would have chatted about dd birthday before the day just in general conversation!!

Grandmi my dad could never remember my birthday. He had 7 children! But that's why he meticulously wrote them all down in his diary every year. Because he cared. Don't minimise this, this man has refused to put his daughter's birthday in his diary even after forgetting the last year too.

Not having a great head for dates is fine. Failing to take the very simple step of adding it to your work calendar (having already forgotten it once before) really isn't.

I think it's really important that she knows it's OK to be upset about it.

I'd be factual with her. Dad's not coming to your dinner. Why? I'm not sure, you'll have to ask him.

You don't want to raise a girl who thinks 'oh my boyfriend did x that really upset me but that's ok because '. You need to teach her how to say that her feelings matter.