DH forgot DDs bday 2nd yr running

[Summertime2]

Feeling so irritated that for the second year in a row DH has forgotten DDs bday and himself scheduled "important" work events on that evening. So now I will have to cheer her up - she's turning 12 and was talking about us all having a family dinner - and he's being shitty with me for suggesting that he put his own daughter's birthday in his diary.

What do you want out of this thread?

You can't surely have come onto AIBU, and expected Mumsnetters (of all people!) to give you tips on how to cover up and lie for your feckless DH....?

So - what are you going to do?

I would be bloody forgetting his birthday and give him a taste of his own medicine.

Why does he need a digital diary to remember his daughter's birthday? Does he have so many daughters that it's impossible to remember all those dates? It doesn't sound like it. He is so so so so so so so wrong here.

I can see why you'd lie- you want to protect her not him - she doesn't need to know that he's forgotten. But why can't he tell her himself?

I'm another saying don't continue to enable his shitty behaviour by covering for him. He's the one who forgot and royally fucked up, so he should be the one to sit her down and explain. You can then do something fun without him.

Second year running

Emotional labour is what he's wanting you to do.

Don't do it.

Be there for DD but don't cover for him (don't tell her he scheduled something either, say you're not sure how it could of happened if anything).

Both the rescheduling and the repairing the relationship with his daughter are his responsibility.

Not excusing your DH but in my experience when men brought their children in only around 10% knew the date of birth. They all knew their kids name but dob, nope. I never came across a mum that did not know the dob. So, I don’t see this as surprising.

If he has such an important job why isn’t it in his outlook calendar so he can’t double book. His problem to solve.

That’s horrible, forget his birthday this year

Bet he never forgets stuff at work.

Don’t you dare lie for him!! His stuff up, he can sort it out.

BrassTactical this is different though. We all know sometimes it just can’t be helped; but in this case the DH scheduled in an event himself which could have happened another evening; because he forgot it was his DD’s bday that day.

Leave it to him to tell her.

I agree with @Cohle.
I would fudge the truth for my daughter’s sake, not my husband’s.
Can you make a plan with the whole family to do something nice at the weekend? Maybe dd”s choice?

I'm all for "honesty is the best policy" under most circumstances, but telling a 12 year old that her father forgot her birthday seems needlessly cruel. It's not about protecting him, it's about protecting her.

Spot on. As tempting as it may be to drop him in it, that wouldn't actually be in your DD's best interests. It's not about "enabling" him or "covering" for him, it's about minimising upset to a child on her birthday. Telling her that Daddy forgot her birthday might be a "consequence" for the DH as some PP suggest, but how many posters would you really be willing to cause that level of distress to their DC to teach their DH a lesson?

Don’t lie for him.

Get him to talk to DD and then he can say it to her. It’s his problem he can fix it.

My DH doesn't know DD's birthday. Or mine. I don't really understand how his brain works sometimes.

@namechange46 - does he expect other people to remember his birthday though?

And I'm going to have to lie to DD and tell her daddy's so sorry but he has a work thing that was out of his control when in fact he bloody arranged it!!!

Why? Even if you go along with the view that it’s better to lie than to admit he forgot her birthday, why is it you that has to have the conversation? He’s a prick, and you’re encouraging it by walking behind him clearing up his mess.

I would absolutely make no mention whatsoever of his birthday, whenever it is. See how he likes it. Wanker. Presumably you’ll bend over backwards to celebrate his birthday though, as you don’t seem able to let him face the consequences of his shitty behaviour.

I agree with PP that if you go with the lie to protect your daughter; your husband should still have the balls to apologise to his daughter himself.

I’ll say it again - she’s 12! That’s old enough to realise that not only is your dad prioritising work yet again, he doesn’t even give enough of a shit to apologise and explain himself.

I wouldn’t lie to protect my daughter. How is that protecting her? Because it’ll come out later I bet.

Better for your DH to explain and apologise. That’s a better lesson for your dd to learn.

Also there’s no excuse really IMO. I always always block my dcs birthdays out in my calendar - even though I know when they are - to stop meetings etc going in. It’s rare I’ve had to work on their birthdays in the last 10 years - or I’ve done half day instead.

I would be strongly reminding him to get his work thing re-arranged today.

Remind him next year..it will save you and daughter a lot of stress!!

@Grandmi the OP is not her husband's secretary. If he's able to hold down a Very Important Job he can get organised enough to remember his own child's birthday.

I don't know. I had a work meeting cancelled years ago because the man I was meeting had forgotten it was his child's first birthday. I was unimpressed that his son's birthday took precedent over business. Maybe he shouldn't have scheduled a meeting or should have lied about the reason he cancelled. I wasn't surprised when his business folded soon after.

I don't think it's that big a deal to miss a birthday, couldn't you have supper the night before?