To think it's reasonable to want some time at home at the weekend to do things around the house?

[wintertime6]

DH always wants to be out doing things at the weekend, and it's starting to do my head in! He gets really annoyed if I want to have a couple of hours to do things around the house and thinks we're wasting the weekend. We have 2 toddlers and they need to get out too, but I don't think we need to be out doing things for the whole weekend?!

Today we were out for a walk and to the park this morning for a couple of hours and then home for lunch and for the youngest to have a nap. When youngest woke up, DH wants to know where we're going now and I just wanted to get some washing done, put the laundry away, tidy up the kitchen, think about what we're doing for dinner etc. DH thinks that's equates to wasting the weekend but I don't know when else it's going to get done and I just want to catch up with myself so I'm starting off at least a little bit organised for the next week.

It's hard taking both kids out on your own as they're very young and they'll run off different directions, so it's not easy for him to take them out himself and leave me at home for an hour or two.

Just need a moan, getting stuff sorted out round the house makes me feel more organised and my head a bit clearer, but DH just thinks I'm making everyone waste family time at the weekend. I'm not talking about staying in all weekend, just a couple of hours to get stuff done.

I would give him a task list and say 'we need to do X, Y and Z before we can go out, which items will you be doing from this list?'

We had twin DDs and DS. DH managed to take them and DS out to the park at weekends to play football or rugby, from when the DDs could walk.

I had to take DS to and from school every day with DDs, like headless chickens; and to the park on my own or meet up with other mums in the week.

If your DH is so keen to take your DC out all weekend, let him crack on with it, while you stay at home and catch up on the laundry, etc! Tell him to try reins!

Yanbu I get this some weekends I'm out and about but nothing gets done then so other weekends I need a few hours to clean run errands etc . In a ideal world I'd love to spend every weekend doing fun things but practically I can't . It's also nice to just sit and have a rest put your feet up .

Roughly speaking we do two weekends a month out and about, one at home doing stuff and the other at home doing nowt in particular. I see both sides of this- sometimes you need to catch up and get a clear run at house stuff, sometimes you need to have fun/relax.

He sounds like my DH

I send him out on his own.
Thankfully he likes running so I often suggest he does that.

Or takes one of the kids out and leaves one here with me (mine are slightly older though)
My eldest likes being at home and I think after a week of school and clubs time at home is needed.

Honestly it drives me round the twist, this constant desire to be out.

I love my home, I like being in it with nothing to do as well as spending time catching up and preparing for the week ahead.

I can tell when my DH is getting fidgety so I suggest he takes a child out on the bikes before it becomes an issue.

I'm not his keeper but equally I like my space at home too. So this system of suggestions suits me (keeps him from moaning)

The jobs need to be done so he can get stuck in and get half done so you are content going out. It’s not wasting the weekend if you are stressed at the end. Also weekends are not just about the fun stuff they’re about regular home stuff too.

Just send him out with a double buggy

Agree wholeheartedly "it's lovely to go out. So you do the washing when we get back, and I'll put the kids to bed."

He can't have it both ways, the housework needs doing. So either he helps, or he takes them both out.

Can I ask, does he usually expect you to do the housework by yourself once the children are in bed?

His weekend plans sound exhausting. One does not have to fill every minute with an activity out of the house, why does he want to permanently on the go and expect everyone else to run after him? When do the children get downtime? Can he not do something in the house with them (around the jobs)?

It's hard taking both kids out on your own as they're very young and they'll run off different directions, so it's not easy for him to take them out himself and leave me at home for an hour or two

Tough shit! He has a choice, either take them out or get stuck in before you go out.

Me and husband blitz the house together once a week from top to bottom. Takes an hour. Makes life so much easier.

Does he help around the house at all? Also, why does he always get to make decisions on what you’re doing at the weekend?

Dh is like this but if I want to stay in and catch up on housework, he happily takes all 3 dc with him. If he doesn’t want to take them by himself, you need to alternate weekends as his needs don’t trump yours.

Send him out on his own with the kids?

My DH is the same! Drives me crazy. I think its because he works and doesnt get so much quality time with them during the week.

Your DH doesn't see it as important work (if the kitchen isn't tidy, laundry put away, dinner thawed etc). Either let him experience pain points instead of you covering all adult boring planning (i.e let him be late for work on Monday morning due to having no shirts ready)... Or split the work up and you cover housework while he's out.

The way your DH wants it assumes there's a housework fairy covering it lol.

Also, your DH would be a nightmare if any of your kids are introverted.my parents were extroverted & it was exhausting. Causes friction as teens and beyond.

we are always out in the mornings but then usually home at least 12.30-3. sometimes not out again or quick trip to the park for an hour. definitely reasonable to need time to get stuff done.

Does he do his fair share of domestic work?

If he did, he would realise that stuff needs doing.

I am pretty sure that as a grown human adult he would 'cope' with two young children. If he can't then it's about time he bloody learned !

Send him out to run round like a maniac and you have a potter round the house doing what you feel needs doing . Then Sit down for a few minutes. !

it's not easy for him to take them out

Do you ever take both out?
Can't he develop those skills as, you know, their dad?

Or is it easier for him to "not cope"...

Fuck. That. Noise!

He’s a grown man, he can see that jobs need doing in the house and would likely be the first to complain if he didn’t have clean pants come Monday. This incessant whining about being in the house and making you feel like a jailer is frankly pathetic.

If he’s that bothered about it, then he can pitch in to get jobs done in the week between the both of you. Then you relax at home during the weekend, he can toddle off to the park with the twins in a double buggy, or with reins (controversial I know, but necessary as I’ve come to discover after years of looking after varying sets of twin cousins and 2nd cousins... I live in fear of having twins myself!).

Your husband would do my head in. Thankfully, mine likes to be home as much as I do. I see enough of the world and other people during the week, weekends are for enjoying the home we've worked hard for, our own company, and peace and quiet. You really need to sit down and talk to him about his ridiculous demands before he makes you crazy.

I would count a walk and the park as having “been out” and wouldn’t really want to leave the house again after that! Once is enough for me! I think doing one Thing each weekend day (and the park counts as a Thing) is sufficient. Children need down time as much as adults and mine, although they enjoy going out, always love getting home with their toys and stuff.

I send mine out on his own while I get housework done in peace. Why don't you suggest he takes them out on a Saturday morning for a few hours so you can do the housework and you all then spend the rest of the weekend together

Yeah. I’ve got one of these. I also have an 2yo (prob on autistic spectrum) who hates going out plus 6yo with HFA and very specific ideas about what he wants to do.

I found a loose ‘framework’ for the weekends helps and alternating busy with quiet.

Older DS Activity
Food shopping
Housework and homework
Lunch
Downtime
Film/games/outing
Dinner

This weekend we have been out all day both days. Next week will be very quiet.

YANBU my DH used to get like this until I found the right sort of way to phrase my response which was “You go to work during the week and your weekend is at home with our twins and me, you want to do something with that time and I get it, but I’m a SAHM, apart from the names of the days changing, the weekend really isn’t a weekend to me anymore, it’s just another day with just as much that needs doing.”

So he either takes half the jobs and we go out together if it’s something like softplay or the park - or I get on with things and he takes them out alone. On the odd occasion where he’s not feeling up to going out he stays in and gets the housework sorted and I take them out alone.

He used to see the weekend as a time where housework could be left a bit... I very pointedly explained that whatever is ‘left’ still needs doing and I’m not going to let him shirk housework at the weekend only for me to pick it all up during the week!