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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell MIL my DH is not responsible for his DSis?

40 replies

jumpingoverthemoon · 03/11/2019 15:43

DH works long days - up at 6.15am finishes at 8pm. I work 3 days and do house/kid stuff - that works well for us. We have 2 pre teen dc who are great - no trouble, nice home, happy but work hard for it. No complaints though. DSIL is married, 2 dc a bit younger than ours, decent home in very expensive area that needs stuff doing to it. Her DH works much shorter hours than my DH - 9-4 and she does 3 days like me. But everything is so hard for them apparently and she constantly moans at MIL. She never rings DH and if he rings her she tells him how great things are in a rather over the top showy off way. MIL then gets very irate that my DH isn't doing more to help her (we live 2hrs drive away), but she never asks what he is up to. This is a recurring theme and really grating. We have loads on - busy job plus we are doing lots of renovations to our house. Kids do football one day at the weekend. How would you tell MIL it's not up to my DH.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 03/11/2019 15:44

What sort of help does she want?

AutumnRose1 · 03/11/2019 15:44

Well DH Needs to tell her

Does sis even know this happens?

And what help does mil think should be offered?

FuzzyPuffling · 03/11/2019 15:45

I wouldn't. I'd step right back and let my DH get on with it (as long as he's not disadvantaging your family)

Original poster
jumpingoverthemoon · 03/11/2019 15:47

Doing up their house and support apparently. DH has tried to tell her how to do house things over the phone but she always says 'I can't do that'.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 03/11/2019 15:47

Not his problem.

tobedtoMNandfart · 03/11/2019 15:48

Literally no one will thank you if you 'tell' your MIL anything. Stay well out of it.
Your DH needs to deal with this. eg "no, I won't be helping as I work 14 hr days!"

Original poster
jumpingoverthemoon · 03/11/2019 15:48

DH literally does not have time to go and work on her house.

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 03/11/2019 15:48

Tell her to download Pinterest.
And ignore mil.

Travis1 · 03/11/2019 15:49

Your husband needs to say no.

AmIThough · 03/11/2019 15:50

He needs to tell her if it bothers him Hmm

Drum2018 · 03/11/2019 15:51

Why has your Dh not told his mother to shut the fuck up already? Why does he engage in conversation about it at all? If he's too weak to tell her then next time you are talking to mil just tell her you and Dh have enough on your plate and you aren't under any obligation to help your grown up adult sil and her grown up adult Dh.

HugoSpritz · 03/11/2019 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jumpingoverthemoon · 03/11/2019 16:11

DH has told MIL this but every time he speaks to her all she talks about is poor SIL and how he really should be more supportive.

OP posts:
WoollyMollyMonkey · 03/11/2019 16:12

Point her towards Trust a trader website or similar. She’s a cf.

Greenleafer19 · 03/11/2019 16:15

SIL's bloke needs to step up. And let's be honest if your hubby helps, SIL's bloke might feel his toes are being stepped on. Another MIL who needs to go boil her head.

NoSauce · 03/11/2019 16:17

That’s so weird. SIL is able bodied and has a husband, why is it her brothers responsibility to do her house up or whatever? Never heard anything like that before.

I’d be tempted to tell MIL myself if she keeps ignoring her son.

Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2019 16:19

I'd probably ask what your MIL expects dh to do and then simply say that's not possible, unless it actually was - e.g. she does actually just want a listening ear on the phone - which is possible!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/11/2019 16:19

SIL is able bodied and has a husband, why is it her brothers responsibility to do her house up or whatever?

A reasonable question. Has DH ever asked MIL this, and if not why not?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 03/11/2019 16:19

Tell him to make supportive noises.

  • hmmm, I know
  • poor sis, she must be up the walls
  • oh, I know (like Sybil in Fawlty Towers)
  • poor sis

His mother just wants to talk about the "terrible time" she's having. Tell him just nod and sympathise. Misery loves company.

Love51 · 03/11/2019 16:22

Does DH work in the trades?
Does MIL actually know what she wants? If she wants a favour could DH say 'that would be a week long job' - perhaps she thinks he could do it in 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon!
Is it possible that SIL even wants help?

Singlenotsingle · 03/11/2019 16:25

It's lucky you live 2 hours away. If you were in travelling distance, she'd be much worse. Any chance you could move away even further? Grin

Mrsmadevans · 03/11/2019 16:26

Sil obviously golden child. Take no notice, even if he did everything for her it wouldn't be enough.

AnnaMagnani · 03/11/2019 16:30

What does MIL actually want? Does she just want a long rant on the phone while someone goes 'Ohhh Nooo' on the phone.

If your DH really went and did up SIL's house would MIL be delighted or would it spoil her fun?

Does SIL even know she does this?

Just ask MIL what she wants, given SIL is an adult with a husband, and DH has his own family and no free time. She probably just enjoys a whinge. In which case you can just all sit back and give it your best Sybil Fawlty and get SIL in on the joke.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/11/2019 16:30

It's lucky you live 2 hours away. If you were in travelling distance, she'd be much worse

True enough - though presumably the DH has a tongue in his head and could still say no?

Beautiful3 · 03/11/2019 16:31

Agree with a previous poster: -
"SIL is able bodied and has a husband, why is it her brothers responsibility to do her house up or whatever?"

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