Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to call the police first?

47 replies

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:28

Short version (because I need attention and assistance): NDN has basically just threatened to accuse my DH of child abuse, because she doesn’t like him. Obviously there’s no justification for this, but what the fuck and how do I handle this? Do I call them proactively? Is this blackmail? For what I’m not sure. Will SS turn up and take our child on the basis of an unsubstantiated claim?! I don’t know what the hell to think! Daren’t tell DH because I don’t want to upset him.

Backstory, we’ve lived in our house nearly 3 years. Neighbour has always been odd/ off with us regarding what she perceives as excessive noise, namely, if my husband runs in the garage and plays music, or is working in there etc (garage joins the houses). We live in a cul de sac with houses very close to each other. No direct negative contact has ever come from any other neighbour, we know most of them for polite chats and seem to get on ok as far as we can tell. Being in garage is extremely rare, he hasn’t been in there in months. Thing took a more sinister turn over summer when she called the police and council accusing him/ us of playing recordings of ‘terrorist threats’ and ‘mixing chemicals’ in the garden. If relevant, DH is mixed race, your speculation on country of origin probably correct but fairly outing. Police and council visited us and subsequently wrote the matter off as NDN being a bit loopy. Today husband back in the garage clearing out a load of stuff with garage door open and music playing; I consider myself fairly sensitive to noise but hadn’t noticed (and was in room next to garage). Bang on door, she’s asking to turn it down. Fine, I go in and do so, DH grouches but ‘whatever’. She then appears in garage door “If you needed to call the doctor because your child was sick and you couldn’t hear over noise I was making you wouldn’t be happy’” Bear in mind we’d been having a conversation without shouting at each other before she popped up, and given previous issues DH took umbrage with this and they had a spat which ended with me guiding NDN back to her door saying we would listen to volume together and go from there (I was invited in did not force myself or anything). She then proceeded to tell me how she and all the neighbours were concerned about me and my child (DD 2), that she ‘knows he’s a psycho’, that she hears recordings talking about child abuse when I’m at work (when I’m at work so is he!), that is wasn’t her that had called the police but another concerned neighbour etc etc. I was fuming by the point and suggested she go and buy something to record what she was hearing and call the police if she genuinely had concerns, but obviously I’m incredibly upset. I hate confrontation, I’ve never had neighbour issues before, I genuinely think we are reasonable normal people. Man from the council did indicate he would get mental health services involved when he visited but no idea if this happened.

Sorry if I’ve missed vital details- ask away.

Trying not to cry.

OP posts:
JasonPollack · 03/11/2019 14:33

She is harassing you so I think you could go to the police yes. Especially with her previously having made false allegations. They won't listen to her of course.

You have to still live there though and reporting her may make her worse. So sorry you're having to deal with this Flowers

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 03/11/2019 14:35

Jesus op sorry you are going through this and your poor DH.

I would contact the police under the guise of your neighbour making malicious false claims/racial harassment.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 03/11/2019 14:36

Guise is wrong word there

rubydoobydoo · 03/11/2019 14:37

It sounds like she has mental health issues, especially when she says she is hearing recordings and the comments about mixing chemicals.
Definitely call 101 and report your concerns - does she live alone or have any family that regularly visit?

meow1989 · 03/11/2019 14:37

Shes harassing you and your husband. I would log with police in case any malicious allegations are made.

If they were, in response to your ss question; if a child is reported as being at risk of being sexually abused then ss would of course have to take it seriously. It is likely that they would contact your health visitor and gp to see if there have been any concerns and would make contact with you as well. No they will not take your child away without any evidence of wrong doing, absolutely not.

MitziK · 03/11/2019 14:39

Sounds like you handled it well by suggesting that she records this and reports it - as she won't be able to. It's called her bluff and yes, she could still make anonymous reports, but there's no way SS will swoop down and take your DC - they will have already thoroughly checked out the last load of allegations and she's probably already down as a malicious complainant.

They'll check out the allegations, conclude it's same shit different day - and she's effectively provided evidence of her own racism and harassment in the process.

Passthecherrycoke · 03/11/2019 14:40

How frustrating. So you need to document all of this. Phone the police and ask if you can make an appointment to report and discuss a neighbour dispute. Most likely outcome is they will go and have a chat. To be honest, I wonder if there are MH issues, I’ve come across a lot of noise complaints that are. Especially the type of noise she says she can hear

Hellohah · 03/11/2019 14:40

I would definitely call the police.
Do you not think that perhaps your neighbour is racist? She seems to have taken objection to your DH and it seems all her accusations are race related (terrorism etc).

ClemDanFanGoul · 03/11/2019 14:43

Do you have a community policing team you can contact? If you go online and google your local police force you might be able to find a contact for your area.

Shizzlestix · 03/11/2019 14:44

Definitely contact the police. I’ve written on here before about our neighbour, who was literally taken away by men in white coats one day. She insists that we have stolen her gas/electric (we’re on key cards) , we’ve ‘blocked’ her landline (can you even do that?!) and one night app, we went into her house and laid out everything from her fridge on the dining room table. Of course we did!

The Council sent mediators, neighbour refused to engage. Police now say they will refuse to take anymore of her frankly batshit accusations seriously. Painful but it was worth contacting the police, so I’d advise that you do so.

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:45

@rubydoobydoo yes she lives alone. She never has visitors as far as I can tell. She’s at home a lot but does drive/ is mobile etc. I would guess early-mid 60’s.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 03/11/2019 14:47

Yes, call the police. Do you have a contact number for someone following the previous false allegations of terrorism? They might be a good first port of call.

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:47

@Hellohah I do wonder, but I think it’s more she’s taken against him/us and that particular accusation then sprung to mind as a result of his race, IYSWIM. If he’d been white it probably would have been white power statements being made or something, lol.

OP posts:
TimeToChangeAgain12 · 03/11/2019 14:49

She is either racist or has some kind of paranoid mental health issue (or both). You won't be able to reason with her. Report her for harassment. Social services will not swoop in, they may question you both but the more she reports you for things the more evidence you have that she is harassing you!

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2019 14:50

Daren’t tell DH because I don’t want to upset him.

Well you need to.

How would you like it if it had been said against you and you had no clue?

Besides, it's the neigbour who's doing the upsetting, not you.

Chloe84 · 03/11/2019 14:50

Racist bitch. Call the police and put in a compalint about harassment. Hopefully they'll come over and shut her up.

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:51

@Shizzlestix it’s slightly reassuring that other people have dealt with similar- thank you. It’s looking like police are the way to go...it’s just going to be a hard conversation and I’m a notorious cryer when emotional/ angry/ frustrated! Plus I’ll need to tell DH first won’t I and I just don’t want to.

OP posts:
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 03/11/2019 14:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:53

@WorraLiberty I know you’re right. I’ll wait til the right time- right now I think he’d fly off the handle and go round there! Later on he might even laugh (he managed to about the whole chemicals thing- but this is another level)

OP posts:
Darkstar4855 · 03/11/2019 14:53

Ring 101 and report her harassment. Keep a record of ongoing behaviour. I agree with PP it sounds like she has mental health problems and she may well already be know to local MH team/Social Services.

SS will not take your child away based on unsubstantiated allegations from a neighbour.

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:55

@ILoveAllRainbowsx I take this attitude generally. But once in a rare while, in daylight hours, would you think it unreasonable to listen to the radio in the garden etc while working? At a reasonable level it would still be overheard... we haven’t got the walls vibrating. I’m the same distance as she would be from it, with no tv on, and hadn’t heard it today for example.

OP posts:
Silentlysinking101 · 03/11/2019 14:56

She's a racist and fucking batshit! Your poor DH! And poor you!

I would definitely speak to your local pcso and ask for their advice/input.

Mind as much as I hate confrontation I hate bullies and would probably let rip with the sarcastic remarks to her

Shesapsycho · 03/11/2019 14:58

Thank you for the reassurances regarding SS... when those chilling words ‘child abuse’ come up it just shocks you to the core and I jumped straight to panic mode.. I still BF for comfort and we’re so close and the idea of us being separated like that made me feel physically sick.

OP posts:
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 03/11/2019 15:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

earlymorningfog · 03/11/2019 15:08

Get in first. Call the police NOW and tell them everything you have said here.

Good luck @Shesapsycho

Swipe left for the next trending thread