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Original poster

RLOU30

29 replies

UAbsolutefannyofawoman · 02/11/2019 08:34

Long one sorry
Partner of 5 years and father to our 16 month old son
History of lying about pre booked trips for example working extra hours on weekends last Christmas while DS was very young and not sleeping well to secretly save for a holiday to Las Vegas which he hid from me for months and months only telling me two weeks before and going leaving me with no childcare or even a dog
walker. Promises not to do anything like that again and then one day asks me if I want to go to Belgium for the weekend. A cheap deal his mates have he tells me I NEED A BREAK he says only one thing we have DS and he knows this I can't go. Of course I'm not stupid I know he knows I can't go and that it's a trip for him and his selfish arse but he stands in front of me telling me I'm mad. later find out it's booked for him and his mates to the point the sleelping arrangements have been made. He didn't go once I found out.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and he asks to go Leeds the weekend to follow his football team (he asks because he has a lot of things come up next month and I'm always alone with DS) I said fine. Next day a ticket arrives dates two days previous so he fake bloody asked me. Feel like such a cunt.
Anyway yesterday I get a chest infection that's developed but it's so bad I'm floored and considering now dragging DS to the emergency room. Partner knew this as was woken up by me all night im clearly really unwell. this morning he gets up to leave at 6am knowing DS is going to wake and I'm in bed not having slept and gets ready saying "do you not want me to go" I said that it wasn't fair to ask me that as I know he wants to go and I'm worried he will be in a mood all day with us. He has gone it's taken me an hour to write this as I'm so unwell but I just needed to get this out. If he cared for me he would have stayed ? or did I need to ask? I just feel like taking everything into consideration I needed him to give a fuck.
Thanks for reading if you managed to get to the bottom.

OP posts:
RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 08:35

Sorry the title is the username I wanted to use. Nevermind doesn't really matter

SuperSange · 02/11/2019 08:37

He doesn't care for you, no. He's taking the piss out of you and you need to leave him before your child learns that that is how you treat people. And no, he won't change and he won't listen.

Thehop · 02/11/2019 08:38

I’m sorry you’re so poorly. It’s hideous managing a child that age when you need to rest and recuperate and you few lousy.

Your partner is a massively selfish lying bastard who does not see
You as a priority, and thinks his fun is more important than his family.

I couldn’t stay with him I’m afraid.

Summercamping · 02/11/2019 08:41

You poor thing. Of course you know he is wrong, he is totally shirking his responsibility at your expense.

Is there anyone you can call on to help you out whilst you're ill?

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 08:43

God I've just re read that sorry if it makes no sense 👎

pemberlyshades · 02/11/2019 08:44

He sounds like an absolute asshole. Rest up for the weekend get a GP appt ASAP and kick out the DH.

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 08:45

No I'm home with a teething DS so unwell I feel like I will faint. I don't know what to do to be honest

Ponoka7 · 02/11/2019 08:47

You need to get anti-biotics, now that you are alone with your child. If he was still going to go, it should have been done yesterday.

He isn't going to change and you've accepted it.

You don't communicate as couple properly, so now that's your issue.

That and you being scared that he'll 'be in a mood all day' if he doesn't get what he wants.

Is this how you really want to live?

Ponoka7 · 02/11/2019 08:49

But what you do is get in a taxi, if necessary and get antibiotics.

YelloThere · 02/11/2019 08:51

Does he have single male friends? As it sounds like he wants the care free life of being able to go wherever he wants whenever he wants.

OrangeSlices998 · 02/11/2019 08:52

Any decent man wouldn’t have needed to ask, would have made you a cup of tea and gotten up with DS. He knows this is the right thing to do but he doesn’t give enough of a fuck about you or his DS to put you first. He’s a selfish, inconsiderate arse.

I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t trust and who manipulated me and played games as your DH has done. I’d LTB.

I hope you feel better soon, is there anyone who can have DS for a bit so you can rest/go to get checked over? Flowers

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 08:53

No it's not how I want to live at all. I didn't really realise just how shocking he is he kind of makes things out to be done because of the way I am. Takes no responsibility for his lies and makes me feel like I'm going mad.
Off to call out of hours GP to try get some antibiotics.

NoProblem123 · 02/11/2019 08:55

What Pemberley says.

Take the opportunity to get better and get rid.

likeridingabike · 02/11/2019 09:04

He's only going to get worse, he's a proven liar and can't be trusted. The head space and peace you'll get from him being gone and only having you and DS to think about will be amazing.

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 09:05

He is 4 years younger than me and I know he needs time out he goes football and has had holidays while I've not had any recently. I know he loves his son he just doesn't love me so we will need to find a way forward. I just need to get a grip really.

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 09:10

@OrangeSlices998

I know :( at one point he run back in I thought it was to say sorry and that he won't go but it was because he had forgot his headphones. I'm tragic I know!

recrudescence · 02/11/2019 09:10

He has left you to manage alone - you need to think about whether you would prefer that to be on a permanent basis. Get past this illness first and then give it some thought.

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 09:12

He could see I'm upset but for example walks out the door shaking his head at me. Why would he do that ? To make me think I'm wrong?
Waiting for DR to call me back. My son is being so good it's like he knows love him Halo

recrudescence · 02/11/2019 09:13

Why would he do that ? To make me think I'm wrong?

Yes, that precisely.

CAG12 · 02/11/2019 09:17

My husband is 4 years younger than me and never once has he done anything like this. Age is not an excuse for being a prick. If I were you id not contact him all weekend, show him you can cope without him. Rest up as much as possible. Tell him just how much of a prick he is when he gets back

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 09:25

I've told him countless times he doesn't care to change. This morning has just shocked me so much.

ISmellBabies · 02/11/2019 09:34

I'd change the locks and text him to say he's not coming back. Selfish lying deadbeat.

RLOU30 · 02/11/2019 09:40

I think it would be so easy not to come back not to deal with family life but a PP was right I definitely don't want DS learning this behaviour

CAG12 · 02/11/2019 09:48

I think you need to think in the long term. Are you happy with this behaviour for the long term? Maybe tell him not to come back for a week. Give him time to think his priorities over.

Cornettoninja · 02/11/2019 09:59

At the risk of sounding harsh he doesn’t really love his son does he? I wouldn’t leave my dd in the care of someone physically unable to do it safely.

I hate this tactic that too many (primarily) men use of manipulating their partner into agreeing with what they want for fear of either triggering a major sulk or coming off as the bad guy. It’s really shitty behaviour.

If this isn’t the nail in the coffin for you (no judgement from me, I get it’s hard to lose the support even if it’s only fantasy on your part) no more granting ‘permission’ for anything. If he pulls a dick move then he needs to own it and feel like the dick he is. It makes no odds to you really, you end up feeling shit whether you say yes or no so at least stop taking responsibility for it.