House guest with IBS

[CaptainWarbeck]

Have guests staying, where one has IBS and is on the fodmap diet: gluten free, no garlic, onions, lactose etc. I didn't know how restrictive it was until they turned up so my meal plan for cooking for them has gone out the window. We're veggie with small kids so it's incredibly difficult to find meals that work for everyone.

AIBU to find it annoying that he insists on this diet when he's eating at home with us and I'm preparing meals, but then eats croissants and onions and lactose etc when he's out (and there are fodmap friendly options), then merrily complains that he'll 'be paying for it later'? He has also bought and eats lots of biscuits (which clearly aren't gluten free) but won't touch any of my cooking if there's gluten/fodmaps in it. And I'm not a bad cook!

I've suggested that we cook some meals together (they're staying for a month) but that they sort most of their meals out and cook meat if they like. I feel like a terrible host as I love cooking for people, and I clearly don't understand IBS very well. In my mind surely you eat something or you don't?

I was ready to say YABU but then I saw how he eats out. YADNBU. He's being a twat.

Say you will cook for your family and they need to cook for themselves.

@RantyAnty yes pretty much as his parents paid for their plane fares and they've got free accommodation staying with us.

@SarahNade he's buying this stuff here and eating out here then coming home to us saying he's going to pay for it. There is one toilet!

Well then he is most definitely a CF of the highest order and you are definitely not BU. That is simply taking the piss and a word to your sister might be help.

well either his IBS isn't as bad as he says or he is some kind of idiot!

He ought not to be doing FODMAP unless under medical supervision. It's not a long term diet as it's very restrictive. As I said before it's for 8 weeks only then you reintroduce foods.

How old is he? Sounds quite young if his parents are paying his air fare.

Why don't you tell him he needs to do this under a dietitian and not on his own if he wants it to work? This half hearted approach of his is just daft.

I would not expect someone else to cook for me. If we are invited for dinner, I would discuss beforehand and suggest alternatives if my problem would affect their plans.

Actually, I would prefer not to have someone else cook for me, then I know exact,y what I am eating, taking responsibility for myself.

I do sometimes have stuff that's not good for me, but even then it will be very small and carefully chosen ( come on, the occasional small chunk of chocolate) ( ok the occasional bar, and that is stupid of me)

also OP, IBS does not always mean someone has the runs! They can be constipated or have severe abdo pain. It varies. I doubt he suffers that much tbh or he'd think twice about staying with anyone for a month - it would just be too difficult. Talk to him- ask him about his symptoms and what he'd like to do re. food.

Amonth is a long time. I suppose I'd make the family meals that you're used to and offer quite simple easy alternatives for him, and then if you have a few meals where he's chosen something and not eaten it I'd welcome him to prepare what he'd like to easy? That's noir a great solution but I'd also be stumped with a guest I felt I couldn't host.

As someone who has had IBS flare ups in the past and a husband on the FODMAP he's either reckless, stupid or a massive CF (or all 3). I'd be getting them to cook meals and if he comes back and starts complaining about "paying for it later" I'd be tempted to say: if you're going to have that attitude with your health and block our single toilet for hours then I'd ask you to reside elsewhere.

When he's said it so far, has it been true that he's paid for it? Or do you think that it's a game to get attention?

As someone who does watch my diet very closely because I don’t want to pay later, he is being an immensely entitled twat. Get your sister to read the riot act to him and tell him to be a considerate guest. He can eat what you cook or provide all his own meals without being a further twat in your kitchen.

When they leave, treat yourself to a new toilet brush.

Ugh, he sounds horrible.

I have Coeliac disease and IBS and I've done the FODMAP diet before. I'll likely have to do it again soon as I'm going through I really bad time with IBS flare ups again so there must be something else I need to eliminate that I've developed a new intolerance to.

I never expect anyone to cook for me and I wouldn't have went on a holiday or went to a friend or relatives house for a meal whilst on low FODMAP. It was too complicated and anxiety provoking a time and incredibly restrictive. No way would I impose that on a host and other guests.

The fact hes flouting the rules whilst out regularly and then demanding of you to cook with so many restrictions actually upsets me. That's not on.

And a month, good heavens!

He is taking the piss. Stop cooking for him.

And I wouldn’t have them over for a month glagaib.

I would say, as he clearly isn't vigilant when he is out of the house (examples) that you are going to cook for your family as usual. As its a major faff, & you are not a canteen.
You will tell him what's for dinner, or if you are organised. Put a list up for the next few days. Tell him/them you are happy to adjust your meals if possible or for him to cook what he likes, (assuming he doesn't monopolise your kitchen when you are trying to cook for your family.)
But as is, its a lot if extra work for you & as you see he is not adhering elsewhere, you are calling off the special menus

I have a condition called BAM which is similar to IBS and I was misdiagnosed as having IBS for over 10 years.
I know my trigger foods, dairy being a big one. If I stay somewhere I would warn them well in advance I can't have dairy. Knowing you only have one toilet I would be pretty religious with my diet! If I've had dairy and someone else was on the loo or God forbid bath, I would have an accident.
I might cave one day on holiday and have an ice cream, you're on holiday etc, and it's hard following fodmap but he is being a complete CF to do it more than once a week.
Sis and bf need to make their own meals now. Tell them what you're cooking and they're welcome to share but know it's bad for BF so probably just best they sort themselves out.

Agree with another poster. Say, "I'm cooking x tonight, if you want something different you ll have to go shopping."

My husband has digestive issues and tries to avoid certain foods. He also is more strict at home than when out. However that is in his own home, the issue here is that a visitor is expecting you to cater for his (quite difficult) diet for a month. In my husband’s case if he does eat something which does not agree with him he actively tries to avoid going forwards. The latest is avocado for example. I suggest that you speak to him and say that your children want X which isn’t compatible with his diet - it might be easier if he cooks his own meals several times a week?

Each day you say this is what I am cooking today, are you opting in or not? If not, you need to cater for yourselves!

That. For a weekend it would be different. But for a month, you live your normal life and they opt in or out of it.

Ask him to cook for himself, the cheeky bugger. I have IBS and it's calmed down a bit, but I remember at the start I had to be very careful about trigger foods. It runs in the family - my gran couldn't eat peppers, for instance.

Come on op! Tell them you’re not. Hotel, that you can’t guess when he’s going to decide to comply with his issues or not, so from now on, they can buy, make and eat their own food and you’ll sort your kids out as usual

It’s the least they can do to repay your ridiculous amount of undeserved hospitality

Note to yourself- NEVER EVER put her/him up again. You’re not equipped and a month in someone’s home is taking the piss.

Can’t you tell them to go on a tour for a week or so?

I agree with pp that you need to carry on as normal & he eats it or not.

I don't think that it's up to you to take his condition into account too much when he doesn't appear to!

But shouldn't they also be doing some cooking for everyone?

I’d politely say that you’re finding catering difficult with his diet and suggest he shops and cooks for himself.

My dh is on this diet, and low fat too. Yanbu as it's an absolute pita and has massively affected our social life as we don't expect anyone except family to cater for him other than very occasionally. Tge trouble is that it is so personal, and so complicated to explain, that sometimes dh probably looks like he's cheating when actually he has learned from experience what he can just about get away with asca one off or in very limited quantities and what he can't. There is also a massive link between guts and mental health so "paying for it" doesn't just mean dashing to the loo but actually a full body crash and fatigue and depression lasting for days. It's full on shit, tbh, and while there's no way dh and i would inflict his diet on anyone for a month, it is no doubt shitter for them. I would sit down and have a proper chat about how to make it work.

Ps dh has been on the diet for several years. Dr said he needs to reintroduce foods so he is trying but not many are going well.

they're staying for a month

Holy fuck, OP. I'd just say that he had to shop and cook for himself.

What do they cook for themselves when they are at home?

I think you might have to accept that there is no cross over between the home cooked vegetarian meal you want to provide for your family and the meal they would normally eat.

I really understand the desire to share food and cook for guests, but in the circumstances this doesn't sound possible.