To think your marriage might be over if you have separate rooms?

[Hazza000]

Hubby snores on his back. He says he can only sleep comfortably on his back not his side. If he's on his side it stops but he naturally keeps rolling onto his back while he sleeps. This ends in a jab in the ribs from me when the noise starts up again.
It has led to some ferocious arguments and recently he slept in the spare room after which I said I felt if that continued all intimacy is lost and it's the beginning of the end of our 25 year marriage.
After this he bought an anti-snoring mouth guard which worked like a dream but last night he refused to wear it anymore as it's uncomfortable. He suggests I wear ear plugs which I will now try. I have also asked him to try the nasal strips but he is not keen. He wants to move into the spare room for good and I feel this will be the end of our marriage - or the beginning of the end. He is 54, not overweight at all and does not drink alcohol. We are both exhausted and arguing. AIBU?

YABU

I'm sure I've read the opposite, that couples that experience sleep disturbances when they sleep together experience worse health, more stress and argue more.

Another angle I read from a really old womens mag is that sleeping apart helps preserve the feminine mystery. Watch those movies from the 40s and 50s. The women emerge from their own rooms having already done a preliminary morning routine. No messy hair and looking rough(i actually frighten myself in the morning) they look gorgeous.

So two reasons for sleeping apart.

Lastly it doesn't need to be set in stone. You can bed hop if you miss all night cuddles.

Sixtieth anniversary coming up for my parents. Separate rooms for the past 25 of those years. They say it’s a marriage saver.

We had this problem and resorted to separate rooms for a couple of years. At the time it was absolutely necessary as we were getting angry with each other because of loss of sleep. Our problem was sorted when DH had a nasty sinus infection and it was discovered that he had several large polyps. They were removed and no more infection and no more extreme snoring. Bliss!

My point is that if his snoring is really bad it might be worth him getting it checked out. It could be something that can be dealt with.

I wear earplugs as mine snores very badly they don't really help
Sometimes when my DD wakes in the night I just stay in her room for the rest of it so I get a good sleep
I think separate rooms are a good idea if you are struggling to sleep and also waking him when he snores
wealthy people always used separate rooms it was the lower class who didn't have the space to do it that made it what it is today
Plus you can always start off in the same bed
I've heard stories of separate rooms savings marriages

Thanks to all 🙏 we are going to try the nasal strips and I'll try ear plugs but if after that things do not improve then all your posts have given me hope that it could still work even if we have separate rooms - obviously with visiting rights 😀

We both snore and keep.each other awake and can't sleep together but we have a good marriage and yet y'know couples that do share a bed that can barely tolerate each other ....

I slept in the spare room last night with ear plugs while DH got up with DS who has a cold and keeps waking himself up coughing. I feel much more affectionately towards him after seven whole hours sleep!

My DH and I have slept apart for the last 10 years. It doesn't affect intimacy but to be honest even if it did I wouldn't change our sleeping arrangements. I can't live without good sleep!

Thank you. Nasal strips are going to be my secret Santa present for my dad!

Why on earth have you decided that rule? That to sleep seperatly is the end of intimacy, yet you would rather he slept in uncomfortable positions.
Couldnt you at least trial it and tell him that you want to make sure you work on intimacy in other ways

Having to “sleep” (lie awake) next to a Diesel engine all night would kill any intimacy stone dead for me!

Why don't you try it say for a week? "Moving into separate rooms" sounds like it's permanent and potentially negative. Try it, and if you're both better rested and happy (which you probably will be) then you can do it for longer.

My DP and I often sleep separately in the week, he’s a very light sleeper and I toss and turn a lot which wakes him up frequently during the night - it really messes his sleep up which is terrible for work. He also gets anxious if he can’t get to sleep, which in turn keeps him awake. So we sleep in different rooms for week nights then back together at weekends where he doesn’t need X hours for work and can lie in and so it doesn’t matter if he wakes up in the night.
It hasn’t affected our intimacy as we were often too tired to DTD just before bed anyway, so are intimate at other times. Every relationship is different, as long as it works for you that’s all that matters.

Rubbish, my grandparents had separate rooms as long as I could remember as my grandad snored like a train. They were happily married fir over 70 years, probably a lot less if they hadn't gone for separate rooms.

DH snores badly if he's been out drinking or is extra tired & I have been known to kick him out of bed towards the spare room if it's drink related.

Realised the other week when testing DDs weighted blanket on myself that it stops DH from snoring. It's been amazing

DH (7 years married, 14 years together total) snores like a pregnant walrus. He has his own room, we both sleep better. We're still going strong! You just make time for intimacy at other times. And let's face it, intimacy is easier when you're both well rested. It's way better than the nightly annoyance of being woken up by snoring or kicking, anyway.

Another one here sleeping in separate rooms most of the time, and it's benefitted the relationship.

I can think of people with happy marriages who live in different houses, not just separate rooms.

My husband I have barely ever shared a room. Only on holidays.
We both snore quite loudly so it makes for a better marriage and less arguments if we sleep apart.

Separate rooms is the best!

DH wants us to share again though, I'm filled with dread at the idea, that might kill our marriage rather than the other way round!

I slept in the same room as my children for the first year of their lives. DH was the happiest he’s ever been in his own room! He sometimes mentions my snoring and I wonder if he’s hankering after his own room again!
I think the benefit of a good nights sleep outweighs the need to be in the same room.

No problem with separate rooms but if he's not overweight or a drinker and snores would it be worth him having a word with his doctor in case he has a health issue causing him to snore?

We have separate rooms and are in our 30s. We have done since our 3 year old was born. It’s fine.

Of course, sex is not as readily available but it just means you have to make a special effort to make sure it happens. We actually do it more now, oddly.

My husband and I plan what our bedrooms are going to look like when we get a bigger house. I I really want an attic "suite" in shades of pink and green (it would be tasteful, honestly). Ideally with a skylight so i can hear the rain at night. He just wants an enormous room and a sex mirror.

We plan to visit each other of course.

Intimacy looks different for every couple. I love my own space. Especially since having kids I just love being ALONE in bed. So...if you're happy otherwise, I would say nothing to worry about

DH and I slept in separate rooms when I was in the late stages of pregnancy. He was snoring worse than normal and I was getting up 3 or 4 times a night to use the loo which was disturbing him. I get ear infections with prolonged earplug use as well so am reluctant to wear them unless I have to. We both slept much, much better when I moved into the spare room and there was less resentment on both sides. My DSis and her DH sleep separately during the week for the same reason, no issues that I'm aware of. I'd second the PP who said lack of sleep will kill a marriage well before separate rooms will.

I would however get him to go to the doctor. DH's isn't too bad but does get worse when he puts on weight so we think it's related to that. If your DH is slim he needs to go and get sleep apnoea ruled out as it puts immense strain on your heart. You also don't get into a deep sleep with apnoea so suffers are often tired regardless of how much "sleep" they think they're getting. It could explain why he's feeling tired and is mistakenly blaming you waking him or making him lie on his side.

Separate rooms here for the last 7 years. It's absolute bliss, we both sleep brilliantly and its news to me that this means my marriage is over!