AIBU to ask if anyone's got a child like this?

[meanmummy2]

When she doesn't get her way, I am:

1. Mean and horrible
2. She doesn't want to live with me
3. I don't buy her things
4. I don't give her food and sweets
5. I dont care about her and I don't want to listen to her.
6. I only love DS7 and DS3, but not her.
7. We never go anywhere

Despite being waited on hand and foot everyday, well fed and given lots of snacks. Goes to ballet, swimming and parks/play dates in the weekends, lots of toys.

All this because she wanted to watch TV when we got home at 8pm, and I said no! She's 6 btw.

Has anyone got a child like this and how do you deal with it? It's worrying and hurtful because if nobody knew the backstory, it would be a safeguarding issue if she went and told the teacher all her lies. She's very manipulative and knows how to hurt me

Anyone?

I would have thought this was a fairly standard 6 year old response to not getting what they want? I've had that plenty of times from my own six year old, almost verbatim, and I've heard it from nearly all of my friends' six year olds in times of Great Distress (aka not getting their way). Very common I'd say!

Standard over tired and over stimulated six year old. She knows which of your buttons to push to get a reaction. How much down time do your DC get?

@Windygate she had about an hour and half before we went out.

“You’re the worst mummy in the world” said my six year old recently when I wouldn’t let him spend all day watching his iPad.

I don’t (my 6 year old is quite sensitive and would be distraught if she said anything she thought might upset me) but my best friend’s DD is like this. It’s just boundary testing/button pushing.
Is she the middle child? I can imagine my 4 year old middle child saying things like this as she gets older, she already thinks life is very unfair!

Yep. To my ds6 I'm horrible to him and never let him have anything. He never gets any treats and his sister gets everything. He regularly wishes he had a different mummy (then about 3 seconds later realised he doesn't and cries because he has thought about not having me as his mum).

It's exhausting!

My son is 7 and can be like this.

Mummy, can I have a sweetie?
Not before tea.
I don't even want to be near you!
Ok...see you later then

If they tell you (in frustration) that they hate you, you’re doing a good job.
I swear this is true, it shows that you don’t give in to their every whim, that you have boundaries, and like everything else...this too will pass. It’s just difficult to hear.

I think my daughter was 5 the first time she told me "You've ruined my life!". I said, "Ah well, you had a good run." Never take it personally, and I doubt she says things like that to other people. My daughter turns into a member of the Waltons when other people are around!

I think most 6 year olds are like this at times.

DS11 (who has ADHD)....

I hate you
I wish I wasn't born
Put me in care

All three resulting after we took away his internet access after he managed to Google a sex site that had slipped through the firewall, and educate the whole school bus on it.

We have also been "twats" and "fucking morons" for not allowing him to smuggle his Nintendo switch to bed for a second night, after not realising he had done so the first night and could not work out why he looked like he'd got two black eyes in the morning.

Yes. Many of us have DC "like that" and worse.

My ds is 11 and I am still Cruella deVille if I switch off the router, ask him to do his homework, or God forbid, insist that he picks up his dirty laundry and puts it in his laundry bag or he won’t get his pocket money.
I just tell him to call ChildLine and ask them to rescue him. No-one’s banged on the door yet.

Just tell her she can hate you all night but she’ll have to do it in bed.

Honestly, it’s normal.

It absolutely wouldn’t be a safeguarding issue. There is a HUGE difference between a manipulative 6 year old and a genuinely abused child.

How do you react when she says these things? Don’t rise to it and definitely don’t shout back or get upset. Don’t be “hurt” - she’s 6, you’re an adult, just laugh it off and roll your eyes internally. She’s mostly looking for a reaction. Just reinforce that you hear her but you don’t necessarily agree with her.

Stop “waiting on her hand and foot”. You’re her mother not her slave and you’ve got three children not just one. It sounds like you’re overcompensating and she’s playing up to that.

Children don’t need lots of snacks or lots of toys, especially if it’s going to be a cause of arguments. Stop buying her stuff and feeding her stuff and find a different way to interact with her. I mean if she’s going to moan about it anyway, you might as well save your money.

My 3 year old shouted at me “well I’m not talking to you!” when I told her she couldn’t have ice cream for her afternoon snack today. Was I bothered? Not at all. Enjoyed the peace and quiet until she got over herself.

Yeah, mine is 8. She has a wonderful eye roll too. Mostly I laugh or give her a hug! It gets her nowhere and these days if I smile and poke my tongue out at her she will laugh along too. If it’s really bad she may shout and then cry and then I can sometimes winkle the real problem out of her (or it means she is “hangry”!)

I thought all kids were like this......

Is she the only girl? It must be a bit overwhelming if so, having at least 7 brothers from your OP.
Have you acknowledged that she seems angry all the time and asked her why?

@PiggyPokkyFool I have 3 children, not 7! 😂 DS is my eldest who's 7, then DD who's 6 then DS who's 3.

@PiggyPokkyFool I think they were in reference to ages...

Stop waiting on her hand and foot first. Then write the childlike number on the kitchen wall and next time she grumbles, invite her to call and tell them all about her breakfast, dinner, cuddles, bedroom, ballet lessons, nice clothes and toys and see how sorry they feel for her.

Alternatively, ask her where you've left your witch's hat today!

How do you punish her when she’s rude to you?

Totally normal.
Ds used to say at that age "I'm going to go and find a nicer mummy".
Usually within 10 minutes he'd be hugging me and saying he wasn't ever going to leave me.

What though you do need to be careful with 3 is that you don't always end up doing things for the majority, which can happen easily.
I remember a friend of my parents had a girl then twin boys and for some years they used to let the children vote on what they did. This boiled down to the girl almost never getting her choice as the boys would almost always want the same thing, and if they didn't, usually compromised together.
Once the girl pointed this out, they took it in turn to choose. So she still ended up with 2/3 time not doing what she wanted, but she was happy this was fair.

Oh sorry - I alway say DD1 and DD2 - they are 17 and 15.
I was wondering why she was saying you were favouring only two of the other 7+ kids.
I might be projecting as my pal at school was the ONLY girl in a family of 11 and she was frequently feeling overwhelmed and put upon.
The anger question is still valid though.

My DS does this if I don’t let him watch TV all day. He’s 6.