To think old age is no excuse for disgusting behaviour?

[Sodisillusionedrn]

Name changes, just because.

My ds (22) was telling me today about his friend, who is studying to be a nurse and has been in work placement for 2 years now. She was upset today because whilst she was giving one of her patients a bed bath, he touched her bum a number of times and when she asked him not to he told her she could do with loosing a couple of stone and she'd be much prettier if she was slimmer.

Apparently she deals with behaviour like this from a large amount of the male patients she see's to, inappropriate touching, insults, and inappropriate comments, on a weekly basis, the worst being an elderly man pressing the call bell and taking out and masturbating his flaccid penis and requesting only certain female nurses, and when they refuse and a male nurse turns up he gets angry and aggressive.

When these incidents are reported to family members they are excused as "he's elderly and senile and has no idea what he's up to", in most cases.

Surely decent men don't turn into perverts once they hit old age? And surely this can't be just excused?

I feel so angry and disgusted that my ds's friend has to work in this environment.

The issue is alzheimers does lower inhibitions and chanhe personaliyies quite significantly. BUT there is a growing trend of people using that as an excuse. I known people to excuse away bad behavior as that but when asked the patient doesnt have it. Its like assuming everyone over the age of 60 is frail. Its different for everyone

Apparently my autocorrect hates me tonight

I think a lot of old leches play on being elderly. I used to work in a bingo hall when I was at school and you would not believe the filth some old men thought it was fine to say to the young female workers.

I understand Alzheimer's very well, my grandmother was effected for years before she passed, and we cared for her 24/7. Not once did she sexually abuse, verbally or physically any of us.
Funnily enough neither do any of the female patients my ds's friend deals with either.

In most cases it's not an excuse, but sadly, in some cases Alzheimer's can manifest itself with this kind of behaviour. It's awful how it can make some people behave. You'd hope that hospitals / care homes would be able to identify which people were just trying it on.

I was at a bus stop today, and this elderly man came right up close and started telling me dirty jokes. I know it’s not the same as your example, but it’s still not normal.
I doubt he would have gone up to a man or an older woman.

different forms of dementia affect different parts of the brain and yes some good kind people can develop behavioral problems like this and worse.

A higher proportion of men than women are pervs and leches, who have probably spent decades controlling their inner urges. Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia lower their inhibitions.

My FIL was a seemingly lovely man. He is now in a nursing home with advanced vascular dementia. The last few times we took him out for lunch (when he could still go out) he would try it on with waitresses. We used to take them to one side and explain if possible, ask them to always stand 'out of range'. It was hideous. He then took to wandering the house naked and sitting on the sofa masturbating, much to MIL's distress. Apart from his sexual inhibitions being lost, he also became openly racist and homophobic. All of this was there, inside him, just hidden because he knew it was not socially acceptable.

I work in dementia care and while some types of the illness do cause personality changes and disinhibited behaviour, lecherous men have probably always been inappropriate with women throughout their lives. Using frailty and old age is a pitiful excuse.

Well OP you probably also know that the same type of dementia can affect 5 people who have it 5 different ways. How it manifested in your granny isn’t evidence of anything. Just be glad it wasn’t a behaviour she showed. It was with my MIL, who had Alzheimer’s. It was terrible for the family, as she’d been quite an inhibited person before.

It isn’t clear from your posts whether your nurse friend is working with dementia patients, non demented people or a mix? I mean there’s not much the work environment managers can do if it’s dementia behind the lechery. I suppose they could roster only male nurses with (straight) male patients? But you’re not going to change the letchy behaviour, are you? Some of those guys would be horrified at themselves if they were back in their right minds.

If the guys aren’t demented, there would certainly be more scope for reprimanding their behaviour but other than chemical castration it’s still hard to know what can be done. I suppose we need more male nurses, and middle-aged grumpy women (like me) who’d give them what for!

I agree it’s hard at 22 to be subjected to this in your workplace- whatever your profession. But I would think any young person would still know it was likely and advocate for training on how to deal with it.

Unfortunately this is common when nursing, all part of the job. Particularly if someone has had a stroke, it is not meant to be unkind.

There are different kinds of dementia which will affect people’s behaviour in different ways, I have certainly witnessed female patients with dementia being sexually disinhibited ,mainly with male staff , and sometimes with other patients They can also aggressive.
People’s personality can be very changed by the process of dementia, which causes catastrophic brain damage. They are not responsible for the resultant behaviour change .
Conditions like delirium , which is very common in any hospital , can also cause difficult behaviours.
Nurses should be trained how to manage this, and respond to it firmly and consistently. There are ways of trying to understand and manage these un acceptable behaviours, and appropriate care plans can be developed. This should happen at a ward level.
Yes if someone is just “ trying it on” they should be reported to the police. But if someone has dementia it is very sad to stigmatise them further and to suggest it’s a male only behaviour is really not helpful.

My MIL, who was a very down to earth person, enjoys hand massages, group chair exercise, and various other activities that she absolutely would not have engaged in before she she had dementia.

Behavioural changes are not always negative, so you can't just say it's people taking advantage.

My mums an elderly care nurse. Was since before i was born. After my dad died if school rang her while she was at work she had tontake me back to her work. She culdnt afford to not work. In the best case scenario thered be an extra room free she could shove me or my sister into. Worst case we were in the day room with patients. I have severe health problems. I was raised in care homes. And wven at a young age it was awful to see people id got on with for months suddenly change. I was about 95% lucky and on those last 5% the carehomes had enough staff to stop anything really bad happen but its a sad fact of life that once the brain starts to decline core personalitily traits are affected. Some sooner then others. Some seem to avoid it but if theyd of lived longer it would of happened. Again there are those that use it as an excuse so thwy dont have to deal with family members bad behaviour but not written in stone that anyone will decline at a set pace.

@GooseFeather
I suggest you educate yourself regarding the various types of dementia and the subsequent behaviour changes before posting such rubbish. Sadly the effects of dementia can be such that behaviour totally alien to the patients previous nature can be displayed. This emphatically does not mean that these patients have been repressing inappropriate behaviour throughout their lives. It may be that your relative was an unpleasant man through life, but equally it's possible, particularly with vascular dementia that the many Tia's that he has suffered have wiped out parts of his brain that control impulse. I am shocked by your attitude

There are some older men who are just dirty old pervs though. They were probably dirty young pervs and dirty middle-aged pervs as well.

My step-grandad had home visits from carers as he claimed he was unable to dress or wash himself. He would regularly touch up and wank in front of young female carers. The agency eventually sent a male carer to deal with him as several of the women refused. Step-grandad suddenly found the ability to shower and get dressed by himself.

Ex care worker here, no men do not become perverts, I'm afraid your freind is going to have to develop a thick skin as behaviour such as this in both sexes is quite common with dementia etc, also brain injury can make people act inappropriate. You just have to accept its 99% of the time out of there control and how awful they would feel if they new they would behave like this, however on a very small occasion there may just be a chance

He didn't have dementia, I'd like to add. Not at that point anyway. One of my very elderly great-aunts got increasingly boy-crazy as she got into old age and that turned out to be dementia-related. In that case, it was a part of her personality that she'd been able to keep under control for most of her life - apparently she'd always had a high sex drive and cheated on her husband. The dementia meant that she became very, very uninhibited.

Your friend will have to develop a thick skin to remain in nursing. I’m frequently sworn at , kicked and clawed by dementia patients. They can’t help it, part of the job I’m afraid. There are much, much worse things she will have to deal with.

Mydogmylife maybe not in all cases, but I absolutely stand by it in my FILs case, which is what I was describing. Many of the things he has said have made it abundantly clear that he has always held his abhorrent views, just kept them in check.

@Goosefeather

Well that is your op ion on a particular individual NOT every person suffering from dementia. Please do not lump everyone's behaviour into one large lump.

Please tell me where I said every person. Please also go and tell all the other posters who mentioned lowering of inhibitions and that lecherous men have probably always been so that they need to educate themselves.

@goosefeather

Your implication that your fil behaviour was merely an extension of his previous character was quite clear, and that this extends to any person suffering from dementia.

I would be more than happy to tag every other poster who has expressed this opinion, however I mentioned as one of the first posters with such a definitive opinion. I trust you have by now read the posts following yours from healthcare professionals who have confirmed that this distressing change of personality is not uncommon in both dementia and brain damage through accident cases.

Surely decent men don't turn into perverts once they hit old age?

They say it's the last thing to go, and nail it down with the coffin.

No, I provided it as an example of what can happen, in some cases. You leapt to decide I meant this was applicable to all. And with that I am out.