To think old age is no excuse for disgusting behaviour?

[Sodisillusionedrn]

Name changes, just because.

My ds (22) was telling me today about his friend, who is studying to be a nurse and has been in work placement for 2 years now. She was upset today because whilst she was giving one of her patients a bed bath, he touched her bum a number of times and when she asked him not to he told her she could do with loosing a couple of stone and she'd be much prettier if she was slimmer.

Apparently she deals with behaviour like this from a large amount of the male patients she see's to, inappropriate touching, insults, and inappropriate comments, on a weekly basis, the worst being an elderly man pressing the call bell and taking out and masturbating his flaccid penis and requesting only certain female nurses, and when they refuse and a male nurse turns up he gets angry and aggressive.

When these incidents are reported to family members they are excused as "he's elderly and senile and has no idea what he's up to", in most cases.

Surely decent men don't turn into perverts once they hit old age? And surely this can't be just excused?

I feel so angry and disgusted that my ds's friend has to work in this environment.

Just to say, there are various medications that can help with sexual disinhibition in the context of dementia, and not ones that are ‘chemical castration’ agents as PP mentioned. So if you have a relative or a client with these issues, ask for input from an old age psych team

Ok, to clarify, she is not working with solely with dementia patients, yes there are a few, but these patient have a whole range of illness but most are very coherent.

And tbh from what I've seen from men in general I'd be inclined to agree with @GooseFeather

You only have to spend a few days on mn to read enough stories about inappropriate men, of all ages.

I worked as a carer while in uni. I decided there wasnt enough money you could pay me to keep doing the job because of elderly leeches like this. One assaulted me when he was naked during a night check and waited for me and pounced on me. We tussled on the floor with him putting his weight on me and grinding himself on my body. Reporting it I was told that if I hurt the patient I would be facing disciplinary action and have to fill out an incident report. Last straw was an elderly man deliberately watching those video naked girls in those pay channels and masturbating, constantly ringing the bell for his pad to be changed even though he was capable of self toileting and using it as an excuse to get touched. He would moan and all sorts.

Oh almost forgot about the lesbian lady who would groan and moan during personal care and openly masturbate. Reporting the incidents did not help and we were expected to put up as it is part of the job and the disease. No chance. I decided there were other ways to make extra money. My parents weren't pleased anyway at the idea of me working and studying as they were already footing the bill so I stopped. Ewwwww. I have the greatest respect for all healthcare professionals and carers and nurses who have to provide personal care.

It's not just dementia. Confusion (which may or may not be apparent) mental obtunding due to illness or infirmity, chronic vascular insufficiency, some medications, can all be responsible for lowering inhibitions, and the elderly brain does not have the reserve to cope.

In cases where the person is clearly unwell, these behaviours are symptoms of illness. If you work in a care setting, it helps to keep in mind that this isn't the patient/client/resident talking, it is the illness talking. The person they were before illness took hold would probably be mortified that they were behaving like this.

In these situations, it can be useful to think of the behaviour as 'symptomatic' rather than 'disgusting'. Not to minimise it - of course it isn't pleasant to be on the receiving end of - but to cope with it.

As BudgieHammock says, there are medications which can help - so if you have a relative who is exhibiting these behaviours, do ask about benperidol and similar.

When my granddad developed Alzheimer’s he started being sexually inappropriate towards me - a teenager at the time - and the rest of my cousins (his other grandkids). He also became violent to my grandma for the first time ever. It really does turn you into someone else.