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Original poster

To be embarrassed DS won’t say thank you?

31 replies

Greedytiger · 31/10/2019 21:01

DS turned 3 last week. He is incredibly chatty and confident at home and around other children, but is very very shy and wary of adults. Even family members he really struggles with and he will hide behind me and not talk to them.

I’m really struggling when out and about with him because he won’t say thank you to an adult. Tonight trick or treating I obviously said it for him but got some very rude looks when he didn’t say it himself. He won’t say it to shop assistants etc and if an adult (even one he knows reasonably well) talks to him he puts his hands over his face.

At home he is incredibly polite, always says please and thank you, I just wish he would do it with other people so they could see what a lovely natured boy he is.

Any advice on how I encourage him to talk to people? Or do I just leave him to it and hope he grows out of it?

OP posts:
absopugginglutely · 31/10/2019 21:06

A lot of three year olds are like this, it's completely normal!
If he's like that when he's 9 maybe worry but your expectations are too high!!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 31/10/2019 21:07

DS was a bit like this. He was just really shy. I would sometimes say to people, 'oh, DS is quite shy, aren't you DS?' (ruffling his hair!). We ensure he says please and thank you at home so he knows he needs to say it. Now he's at school, he says it there and with the childminder. I think he's just coming out of his shell a bit more now he's older.

Ohyesiam · 31/10/2019 21:08

Is just leave him tbh. If you feel embarrassed , say “ He’s very shy, sorry” .
He’ll grow it if it soon enough.

tealandteal · 31/10/2019 21:10

My DS is 6 months younger but also quite shy, he signs please and thank you in public and says it at home or when feeling more confident. He also signs words before he can say them. You could try learning a few signs from YouTube?

InsertFunnyUsername · 31/10/2019 21:10

Aw hes little dont feel embarrassed. As long as you're behind him saying it then I wouldn't have judged. Kids get shy, everyone knows this.

LaDameAuxLicornes · 31/10/2019 21:11

If people can't understand that a just-turned-3-year-old may be too shy to say thank you then I think that's their issue, not yours. He's not much more than a toddler. Just keep saying it on his behalf and I'm sure he'll be saying it for himself very soon.

user1493413286 · 31/10/2019 21:12

Are you sure he got some rude looks or are you just quite sensitive? I wouldn’t be bothered by a 3 year old not saying it as they’re so young. Even with DSD who is 11 she’s only started saying it unprompted to strangers in the last couple of years as she’s very shy so we’ll say thank you on her behalf

needsahouseboy · 31/10/2019 21:12

Out with 3 9 year olds and 2 6 year olds. All different families. All needed to be prompted at various times to say thank you. Kids get distracted and excited by what’s in front of them and focus on that. Just give them a prompt to say it.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/10/2019 21:14

Would he find it easier to make a sign to say thanks instead of speaking out loud? There's the BSL sign for thank you (hand flat, tips of fingers to chin and then moved out towards the person) or maybe he could wave if that was less nerve wracking?

He sounds like a sweet kid, though - I'm sure he'll grow out of it :)

olympicsrock · 31/10/2019 21:16

Perfectly normal he will grow less shy in time

HalyardHitch · 31/10/2019 21:19

My boys are one and two. They also both sign "thank you" if they are feeling too shy to use their words

redexpat · 31/10/2019 21:20

Id get him to give a high 5 instead - or learn the sign language for thank you. Somehow actions are easier when theres a social expectation.

Wildorchidz · 31/10/2019 21:23

If you feel embarrassed , say “ He’s very shy, sorry” .

Don’t say that. That will stick in his head.

Pharlapwasthebest · 31/10/2019 21:31

Don’t ever say “he’s shy”, he will take that onboard.

CycleWoman · 31/10/2019 21:42

My little one is like this. Please and thank you at home with us and grandparents, stony shy silence with anyone else.

Don’t feel embarrassed, just say thank you on his behalf, he will learn.

I was excruciatingly shy as a child (still am a bit!) and I think the best thing you can do is not make a big deal out of it. And defo don’t tel people he’s shy infront of him.

Pixxie7 · 31/10/2019 21:49

At 3 I really wouldn’t worry, if he is polite at home the rest will follow naturally. It must be confusing for little ones at times, one minute we are telling them not to speak to strangers the next asking them to. He will learn from you so by saying thank you for him, you are doing well.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/10/2019 21:55

I agree with not saying "he's shy" - maybe say "he's feeling a bit shy right now". It seems like a small distinction, but saying "he's shy" makes it sounds like a thing he is, a defect or unchangeable fact. Whereas the second phrase is just something that he's feeling right now, not forever.

Celehelly · 31/10/2019 22:01

Goodness, we had several little people at the door tonight that got too shy or nervous to say thank you. It's perfectly normal! Smile

GymSloth · 31/10/2019 22:04

At least he doesn't pronounce it 'fuck you' like mine did at 3!

He'll grow out of it, really don't worry.

DonnaDarko · 31/10/2019 22:16

My 3 year old is like this too. I just say to him 'Ds say thank you' and if he doesn't, I just say thank you on his behalf. Sometimes he does say it so I'm confident he will grow out of it, and your little boy will too.

Mollpop · 31/10/2019 22:21

I used to be the same. He'll grow out of it, he just needs time.

NoKnit · 31/10/2019 22:29

Totally unreasonable to worry about it, he is only 3 he will grow out of it.

Also totally unreasonable to take a 3 year old trick or treating, why oh why would anyone do that? They have no idea what it is. We only took our youngest (3.5) because our oldest who is 6 absolutely wanted to go this year. Youngest had no real clue what was going on and would not have missed it if we stated home

Raspberrytruffle · 31/10/2019 22:32

At 3 years old I'd be surprised at adults giving dirty looks because he wont engage with the staff he is so little but it wont last for long as long as hes reminded to say please and thankyou he will eventually be a big boy and say it without needing prompted

Osirus · 31/10/2019 22:35

Kids get very excited trick or treating and often dash from door to door. I reminded my 3 year old to say thank you, and I said it as well just in case she hadn’t. There were no strange looks. She did depart most doorsteps with a “happy Halloween” so maybe that redeemed her when she didn’t say thank you!

You’re worrying too much.

Straysocks · 31/10/2019 22:36

Sounds exactly like my youngest was. Don't feel embarassed for him or kneel to judgey folk, just be his example and say his thanks - very cheerfully if you can. He may be struggling and making him feel awkward or worried will delay him managing to do it himself. Just really praise it when he does it with you or others and let him know you've got his back.

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