Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to friend of friend coming along

44 replies

RoseLillian · 31/10/2019 20:41

It’s oldest Dd 4th birthday in a couple of months. In order to avoid the stress of the last couple of years of trying to arrange a party at the festive time of year I thought I would find something she would really enjoy doing instead and then have a meal plus soft play just with family on the day. I found something I think she will love. Her best friend has her birthday around the same time and I am friends with her Mum so I thought it might be nice to ask them along as a Birthday treat for her also. It also meant Dd would get to spend part of her birthday treat with her best friend. Friend messaged me back to see if it would be alright to ask her friend and daughter (similar age along). I have met the friend a few times and she seems really nice, but I don’t know her well. It would mean Dd instead of sharing her birthday treat with her best friend, spending it with her best friend and a child she doesn’t know. I don’t really feel like I can say no though 😕.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 31/10/2019 20:44

I'd say no. Three can be tricky.

bluebunny123 · 31/10/2019 20:44

Honestly I doubt your dd will care if the other girl comes. It'll just be another person she can play with she'll probably enjoy it.
I would let her come you'll probably find it to be a nice day.

northernknickers · 31/10/2019 20:48

Why do you feel that you 'can't say no'? I just don't get this at all! You don't want it...so just say no! I would hate that too...and would simply say no, it's not what we'd planned.

Wheat2Harvest · 31/10/2019 20:50

I'd say no - I think it's a bit of a cheek - but be prepared for your friend to say she's not coming if her other friend can't come.

Excited101 · 31/10/2019 20:50

They’ll leave your dd out, I’d put money on it.

1CantPickAName · 31/10/2019 20:53

I find the dynamics of three little girls can be difficult and one can feel left out,

amiapropermum · 31/10/2019 20:53

I'd say it would be lovely to arrange that for another time but because it's a special occasion for DD you'd rather keep to the original plan

Drum2018 · 31/10/2019 20:54

Just say no, that it's not as party, as such, so you aren't inviting other kids.

ExcitedForFuture · 31/10/2019 20:55

I'd say no, this is for your DDs birthday treat and 3, including a child she doesn't know, will ruin the dynamic.

Mcbj86 · 31/10/2019 21:00

Oh id say yes, and see it as an opportunity to make a new friend. Dont see any issue at all. No biggie.

Butterymuffin · 31/10/2019 21:04

I would say no this time because it's DD's birthday and you want it just to be her existing friend, but you'd happily go to soft play with all of them another time.
It may be that the friend thinks it would be more 'party' like to have an extra child there, but you can still say no if you want. It's your daughter who should be the priority not to upset, not random kids you don't yet know.

makingmiracles · 31/10/2019 21:06

SAy no, at that age one will most prob get left out and as she doesn’t know the other girl, that’s likely to be your dd. It may mean the other girls parent decides to go somewhere with the other parent and girl but just be polite and say you’d prefer it just being your two as it’s for your dds bday

CalmdownJanet · 31/10/2019 21:11

Just say "Honestly I'd rather not, I don't think 3 ever play as well as 2, dd doesn't know x at all and I think it would be a bit unfair to feel left out on her own birthday treat. I hope you don't mind, if that makes things awkward in any way for you or you want to cancel just say"

beadybear · 31/10/2019 21:15

If your daughter doesn't know the other friend then say no. Dynamic changes too much. Maybe offer a different day out with all three girls another time.

ActualHornist · 31/10/2019 21:23

YANBU to say no. Although I expect some will come and implore you to be ‘kind’ like it’s not your own daughter who should be a priority on her own birthday.

If you don’t learn to say no now you’ll be taken advantage of by every parent at school who just needs the favour of you dropping off their kid, collecting their kid, can you just look after them for three hours every Saturday when I get my vajazzle, ps I’ll drop them off on Friday evening.

TheWeatherGirl1 · 31/10/2019 21:30

Of course you can say no,

"That's a nice idea to invite Sarah along but let's just let the 2 best friends hang out for DD's birthday, and then maybe the 3 of us could get together soon and have a playdate".

BumbleBeee69 · 31/10/2019 21:42

Bite the bullet and say No, because you are right, and it changes the dynamic of the day, for your daughter. Flowers

Skysblue · 31/10/2019 22:31

No it’ll be weird for your daughter, 3 kids playing together on a birthday where two of them haven’t met before? No no no.

Summon the courage for a blunt text message like the one CalmdownJanet suggested above.

CodenameVillanelle · 31/10/2019 22:38

Reply - 'another time that would be lovely, but this is DD's birthday treat and I want it to be a special day for her with her good friend. Do you mind if it's just us this time? Thanks'

Mcbj86 · 31/10/2019 22:46

Have to say I'm surprised at the amount of 'one will get left out comments.' Do people not encourage inclusion with other children any more, seems its a given for most people that 3 kids playing would automatically mean one gets left out. Hmm

Whoops75 · 31/10/2019 23:06

My dd is part of a trio for the last few years without any issues

I think YABU they’re only 4 and it’s activity based.

billy1966 · 31/10/2019 23:11

If you have made it clear that it's a birthday treat for your DD, I think your friend is being rude.

As such I would tell your friend "another time for sure, but for DD's birthday I'd prefer if we stick to my plan, thanks".

LumpyPillow · 31/10/2019 23:21

Why are people so fucking weird? Why when someone invites your child to an obviously special, singular event would you ask if another kid can tag along?!

Say no. It's really rude of her to ask. Feel zero guilt saying no.

Blahblahblahnanana · 31/10/2019 23:23

Just say no, it’s a birthday treat and perhaps you could do something all together another time.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 31/10/2019 23:26

I'd think you were a bit weird if you said no TBH. They might have more fun as a trio.

Also I wonder if there is some confusion, based on your OP the other mother might think you mean the outing as a joint birthday treat for both the girls? You said it's her birthday too. Maybe she thinks it's a joint thing and therefore why shouldn't her birthday girl bring a guest as well?